We Asked Parents: What's the Funniest Thing Your Kid Has Ever Said?

Updated: June 26, 2019
Kids say a lot of weird and funny things, and moms know that better than anyone. Read some of the best!
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Parents and kids share a lot of things. Kids are a wealth of information and much of what they say can be weird, funny or both. Here are a few good ones shared by moms on the receiving end of their kid's observations.

"It's my birthday so I don't have to wash my hands today," said Barbara's son emphatically. Barbara is a mom of one.

Amanda Bouldin is a mom of one and her 10-year-old daughter said, "Humans are awful. We should eat each other. Vote for me in 2018." Amanda pointed out that local elections are every two years where they live.

"I don't want to grow up to be a serial killer," said Kalah Garcia's 5-year-old daughter out of the blue. Kalah is a mom of two kids.

"My husband and I were on a flight to Disney World with our 5-year-old triplets. During the entire flight, one of our sons kept looking out the window asking, 'Are we at Disney World yet?' Finally, near the end of the flight, I told him that we would be landing in Florida shortly. He said, 'Florida is on earth.' I told him that Disney IS on earth. He then said, 'But I thought we were going to another world.' The kid thought Disney world was a planet," laughed Barbara Rubel, mother of three.

Cindy Herman shared: "When my son was about four, I glanced out the window and said something about a storm coming to our west. He looked at me in wonder and said, 'We have a WEST?'"

"I do a lot of paintings, mostly nudes," says Lisa Orban, a mom of five. "My 13-year-old daughter walked into my bedroom one day while I was painting and said, 'You should try to sell your paintings to churches.' Stunned a bit, considering my favored subject, I exclaimed, 'What on earth would I sell to a church?!?' Shrugging her shoulders, she said, 'You could paint religious stuff...like sheep.' 'Oh yeah,' I laughed. 'Religious stuff, like sheep.' I still giggle about that one." 

Parents and kids share a lot of stories, but Lisa's son had another weird yet funny exchange with his mom: "When my son was around 10 years old he was home sick from school. Sitting on the couch with him we were watching TV together, and there was a movie marathon on ending with The Birdcage. About halfway through the last movie, my son turns to me and says, 'Mom? When I grow up, do I have to wear a dress?' After laughing for about 30 seconds, I replied, 'No son, only if you want to.' Looking relieved, he said, 'Oh good. Because they don't look comfortable,' and he went back to watching The Birdcage."

"My head is a lot like a chinstrap penguin's. Or like an ice-cream cone," reported Sarah, a mother of two.

"My 9-year-old daughter truly desires to be the oldest child to someone. Daughter: 'Can we adopt a baby brother?' Me: 'The baby grows. When they are older they are no longer are as fun and will get on your nerves.' Daughter: 'Well, we will just give him back.' Me: 'Once you adopt you keep him forever like I keep you forever.' Daughter: 'No mom, all you have to do is keep your receipt and you will be able to give him back.' Me: 'Kids don't come with receipts.' Daughter: 'Well never mind, can I get a baby alive for Christmas?'" Shannon Battle, mom of five

"When my second son was three, he ran into our house from the backyard and said to me enthusiastically, 'Petri mom! Petri!' When I repeated the word to him he nodded, to let me know I was pronouncing it right. I went on to ask him what was so important about a petri dish. He pointed outside to a tree we have in the corner of our yard. It was then I figured out he was proud of himself for his first time eliminating himself on a tree or in other words 'peeing on the tree' (aka pee tree). He had seen his older brother do it a few times and it was like a rite of passage for him to pee on a tree," said Summer Blackhurst, mom of three.

What's the funniest thing your kids have said? Share with us!

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About the author
Laura Richards

Laura Richards is a writer, journalist, communications, brand, and PR specialist with 20+ years of experience. She’s also a mother of four so understands the joys and struggles of parenting.