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12 Tips for How to Spice Up Your Marriage When You Have Kids

If your marriage is in a rut, these tips will help spice up your relationship and keep the excitement and sexiness alive even after having kids.
12 Tips for How to Spice Up Your Marriage When You Have Kids
Updated: January 17, 2023
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With full-time jobs, kids at home and endless day-to-day tasks, it's easy to fall into a comfortable (and let's face it — boring) routine with your spouse.

But adding a little zest to your love life is easy. 

A healthy relationship requires communication, kindness, trust and fun. With a bit of intentionality, you and your partner can find simple ways to spice things up.

Just because you’re in a rut doesn’t mean anything is wrong with your relationship, but it can make everyday life feel bland. 

The good news is that it can be pretty simple to implant some romance and flare back into your relationship. 

Related: 6 Tips to Help Your Marriage Survive a New Baby 

So whether you’re in a rut or simply want to try some new date night ideas, try a few of these fun ideas to put the romance back in your marriage.

Top 5 Things to Try to Spice Up Your Marriage

1. Plan Intentional Time 

Married couples and those in long-term relationships often fall into a rut of doing the same thing or nothing at all when it comes to date nights

While having a consistent activity within your comfort zone that appeals to you both, like monthly karaoke or bi-weekly bowling, regular activities can become part of the to-do list.

Relationship experts recommend that couples plan intentional time together outside of their everyday routine. 

If you’re unsure what to do on your date nights, you can take turns choosing or printing off a list of ideas and randomly selecting one from a jar. 

The key is to plan the time and place it on your calendar because it gives you and your spouse something to look forward to!

2. Change Scenery 

A cute couple in their mid 50's enjoy some fresh air and exercise outside together, walking through the streets of their neighborhood. The husband carries his wife on his back.

Being in the same setting all the time can become understimulating. A change of scenery does wonders for refreshing our brains and mindsets.

Experts recommend going outside for a walk when feeling stressed or overstimulated. 

Short getaways can enhance your sex life and contribute to a healthy marriage.

If budget is a concern, consider a one-night stay somewhere within driving distance or go away mid-week when rentals tend to cost less.

If overnight stays are not an option, schedule a day off work together while the kids are in school, head out for a romantic lunch or visit a museum or park. 

3. Learn and Speak Their Love Language 

Learning and speaking your partner's love language is one of the best things you can do to enhance your everyday life. 

First, take a quick quiz online to discover each of your love languages. Then read tips on how to speak your partner's language.

The 5 Love Languages:

  • Words of Affirmation: Offering supportive words, leaving love notes or sending an “I’m thinking of you” text message during the day.
  • Acts of Service: Loading the dishwasher while you take a shower, arranging the sitter for date night or offering to run to the grocery store
  • Receiving Gifts: Small tokens, flowers and surprises
  • Quality Time: Spending time together, eating dinner, date nights and grocery shopping together
  • Touch: Hold hands, foreplay 

No one language is better than the others. Practicing each love language requires different interactions to make your significant other feel loved.

4. Be Spontaneous 

Yes, planning intentional time is essential, but so is being spontaneous.

Why not surprise your partner with new lingerie or a night out at their favorite restaurant?

When you have kids, it may seem like you have to plan intimacy, too. 

Instead of folding laundry and catching up on online shopping while the baby naps, consider having sex or cuddling and watching a movie you’ve been meaning to see. 

Sometimes a simple “I love you” out of the blue or dance around the living room when a favorite song comes on is all you need to spice up your day!

5. Spend Time Talking 

A great relationship has solid communication and trust at its core. It doesn’t matter how much great sex you and your hubby or wife have. If you cannot effectively communicate, the romance and spice will likely fade.

In addition to talking about daily things like work, the kids and your general calendars, spend some time talking about sex, intimacy and other personal topics.

I recommend Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime, which was recommended to me by my therapist. It is a fantastic tool for couples who have been married or together for a long time. 

Top Date Night Ideas at Home for Couples with Kids

1. Be Romantic at Home 

Romantic young couple lying and sitting on flooring watching a movie on their large projector screen at home

Romantic isn’t usually the word we think of when we spend a night at home. But creating a date-night atmosphere in your own home is easy! 

Plan a night at home to dress up and have dinner together. Dim the lights, light candles, play some romantic music and get romantic and cozy in your home once the kids have gone to bed.

2. Pretend You Just Met

The idea of role-playing is awkward for some, so instead of taking on new roles, play yourselves and meet up at a bar or restaurant and pretend you just met or it’s a first date. 

Sparking the initial romance can help remind you why you fell in love in the first place!

3. Try Something New

Play a new game, listen to an erotic podcast together, cook a new meal as a team or bust out some karaoke on YouTube. 

Stay-home date nights don’t need to be expensive or fancy. The main thing is to spend time together and reignite the intimacy. 

Simple and Fun Ways to Spice Up Your Marriage 

1. Write a Love Letter to Your Partner

Edmond Rostand may have been on to something when he wrote Cyrano de Bergerac in the late 19th century. If your partner’s love language is words of affirmation, writing a heartfelt or sexy love letter is a great way to spice up your marriage.

Not sure what to write? Use writing prompts or a fill-in-the-blank “what I love about you” booklike this one

If you want to keep it short and simple, a sexy text message in the middle of the day can be a real turn-on for some people.

2. Visit a Sex Therapist 

Consider visiting a sex therapist together. Therapists aren’t only for when something is wrong; they can be an excellent tool for an individual or couple at any stage of their life or relationship. 

If you’ve been struggling with intimacy for any reason, a sex therapist may be just the tool you need to get things back on track and back to better sex with your spouse.

3. Create a Romantic Playlist 

If you love a music lover, compile a romantic playlist to sweep them off your feet. It could be songs that remind you of your partner or have specific significance to events in your relationship. To make it even more meaningful, write liner notes on why you chose each song. 

4. Introduce Sex Toys

This last one might not be everyone’s cup of tea, but if you and your partner feel safe and comfortable giving sex toys a try, they can be an exciting way to spice up things in the bedroom.

Be sure to have a conversation beforehand about what you are and are not comfortable with so you are both on the same page. 

For even more tips to spice up your marriage and keep your relationship fun and exciting, check out The Complete Guide to a Healthy Sex Life After Having a Baby

L. Elizabeth Forry

About L. Elizabeth Forry

L. Elizabeth Forry is an Early Childhood Educator with 15 years of classroom… Read more

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