Dr. Ana Aznar
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Authoritative parenting is widely regarded as the most effective style, but does it have advantages over other approaches, such as authoritarian or permissive parenting?
What Are the Advantages to Authoritative Parenting?
Question: “As someone who grew up with the mindset of ‘spare the rod and spoil the child,’ are there any advantages to authoritative parenting as a style? Thank you!”
Dr. Ana’s Expert Answer
The ‘spare the rod and spoil the child’ approach you are mentioning is an authoritarian parenting style. Authoritarian parents are cold and demanding. Parents expect their children to do as they are told. Good behavior is always expected. Rules are strict, non-negotiable, and not clearly explained. They do not encourage intimacy or trust. Children’s opinions and desires are not considered. When authoritarian parents discipline their children, they don’t explain to their child why their behavior was wrong. They use punishments and may get physical. They tend to be harsh and coercive. Parents may tell their children that they won’t love them anymore if they misbehave.
The Impact of Authoritarian Parenting on Children
Children whose parents are authoritarian are more likely to have: mental health issues such as depression and anxiety, low self-esteem, poor social skills, behavioral problems, do poorly at school, and be hostile and rebellious towards their parents.
Defining Authoritative Parenting
Authoritarian parenting is not the best for our children; instead, we should all try to be as authoritative as we can. Authoritative parents are loving, caring, and warm. They encourage trust and intimacy. They set high expectations and clear rules. Children understand those rules and what the consequences are when they break them. Parents take into consideration their children’s opinions and feelings. Children feel safe and secure because their parents are consistent and establish clear routines.
Why Authoritative Parenting Is Considered the "Gold Standard"
Authoritative parents are warm, caring, and consistent. They encourage trust and intimacy while setting high expectations and clear rules. Unlike authoritarian parenting, authoritative parenting involves explaining rules and considering children’s opinions and feelings.
Children with authoritative parents tend to:
- Be well-adjusted
- Have good social skills
- Perform well academically
- Develop high self-esteem
Studies show that authoritative parenting is the gold standard for raising well-rounded, emotionally secure children.
Important Nuances in Parenting Styles
However, keep in mind that being an authoritative parent will not mean that your child will turn out fine. Sadly, it is much more complex than that, and here are the reasons:
1. Parenting Styles Are One Factor Among Many
Parenting styles explain children’s outcomes to some extent, but they are not the only factor explaining how children turn out.
2. Outcomes Are Not Guaranteed
If you have noticed, I have said that “children tend to…”. Why? Even though research shows that authoritative parents tend to have children who do better, we cannot 100% say that all children whose parents are authoritative do well. It is not that simple. Some children with authoritative parents don’t do well at all, and some children with neglectful parents do very well despite their upbringing.
3. Parenting as a Continuum
Parenting styles are not separate containers where parents fall in. We should think about parenting styles as a continuum. For example, you can be mostly authoritative with a touch of permissiveness.
4. Parenting Styles Evolve
At different stages and circumstances of your life, your parenting style may change. For example, when parents go through stressful situations, they tend to become more authoritarian; their parenting turns harsher.
5. Children Influence Parenting Styles Too
If you have more than one child, it may be that you have a different parenting style with each one of them. Why? Because parents influence their children, but children also influence their parents. Different children provoke different reactions in you, and that will influence your parenting.
The Goal: Strive for Authoritative Parenting, Not Perfection
So, try to be authoritative as often as possible because we know that it is best for our children. But also remember that you won’t always get it right, and it is OK. Your child does not need a perfect mother.
Here are some articles on parenting styles you may find helpful:
- Parenting Styles: What Are They and Why Do They Matter?
- Permissive Parenting Style: Characteristics and Effects
- Authoritarian Parenting: What’s It About?
- What Is Helicopter Parenting? Characteristics and Consequences
- Gentle Parenting: Is it Best?
Love,
Ana
What Is Authoritarian Parenting?
Authoritarian parenting is a strict, demanding style where parents expect obedience without question. Rules are rigid, communication is often one-way, and children's opinions are not considered. Discipline is typically punitive, sometimes involving physical punishment, and may lack explanation, focusing on control rather than teaching.
What Is Authoritative Parenting?
Authoritative parenting is a warm, responsive style characterized by high expectations combined with clear communication and support. Parents set boundaries and explain reasons behind rules, encouraging children's input. This approach fosters trust and intimacy, helping children feel secure and understand consequences, promoting healthy development.
What Are The Benefits Of Authoritative Parenting?
Children with authoritative parents tend to be well-adjusted, possess strong social skills, perform better academically, and have higher self-esteem. This style is often considered the "gold standard" in parenting research because it balances guidance with warmth, leading to positive long-term outcomes for children's mental and emotional health.
Is Authoritative Parenting Always Successful?
While highly effective, authoritative parenting isn't a guarantee for perfect outcomes. Children's development is influenced by many factors beyond just parenting style. Research indicates a strong tendency for positive results, but individual variations exist, and some children thrive despite different upbringings, highlighting life's complexities.
Can My Parenting Style Change Over Time?
Yes, parenting styles are dynamic and can evolve. They exist on a continuum, meaning parents might exhibit traits from different styles. Stressful life events can shift parenting towards more authoritarian approaches, and parents may adapt their style differently for each child, as children themselves influence parental reactions.
For more information, check out these popular topics:
- Is "Soft Parenting" Recommended?
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- Is ADHD an Excuse for Bad Behavior?
Do you have any parenting questions for our parenting coach and expert, Dr. Ana Aznar? Ask for free today!
