Dr. Ana Aznar
Table of contents
Parenting expert Dr. Ana answers whether "soft parenting" is effective, distinguishing it from evidence-based authoritative parenting.
Parenting Styles: What Is Soft Parenting?
Question: "What is soft parenting? Is it the same as gentle? And is it recommended by professionals like you?"
Dr. Ana’s Expert Answer
From what I’ve seen, soft parenting is gentle parenting, but taken to the extreme. It is important to know that these new parenting styles, such as soft, gentle, Fafo, Type C Parenting… crop up in social media but are not evidence-based. There is no research examining their links with children’s developmental outcomes.
The Problem With Non-Evidence-Based Parenting Styles
In addition, I am particularly against gentle and soft parenting because many parents, in their attempt to follow their guidelines, fail to set clear boundaries for their children. Children need boundaries. Love and boundaries.
The Gold Standard: Authoritative Parenting
My suggestion is that you ignore these new parenting styles and instead focus on trying to be an authoritative parent. There are hundreds of studies showing that authoritative parenting is the gold standard of parenting.
Characteristics of Authoritative Parents
Authoritative parents are loving, caring, and warm. They encourage trust and intimacy. They set high expectations and clear rules. Children understand those rules and what the consequences are when they break them. Parents take into consideration their children’s opinions and feelings. Children feel safe and secure because their parents are consistent and establish clear routines. Children of authoritative parents are the ones who tend to do best. These children tend to be well adjusted, have good social skills, do well in school, and have high self-esteem.
Why Authoritative Parenting Isn't a Guaranteed Outcome
However, keep in mind that being an authoritative parent will not mean that your child will turn out fine. Sadly, it is much more complex than that, and here are the reasons:
1. Parenting Styles Are Not the Only Factor
Parenting styles explain children’s outcomes to some extent, but they are not the only factor explaining how children turn out.
2. "Tend to" Means Not Always
If you have noticed, I have said that “children tend to…”. Why? Even though research shows that authoritative parents tend to have children who do better, we cannot 100% say that all children whose parents are authoritative do well. It is not that simple. Some children with authoritative parents don’t do well at all, and some children with neglectful parents do very well despite their upbringing.
3. Parenting Styles Are a Continuum
Parenting styles are not separate containers where parents fall in. We should think about parenting styles as a continuum. For example, you can be mostly authoritative with a touch of permissiveness.
4. Parenting Styles Can Change
At different stages and circumstances of your life, your parenting style may change. For example, when parents go through stressful situations, they tend to become more authoritarian, and their parenting turns harsher.
5. Children Influence Parenting Styles
If you have more than one child, it may be that you have a different parenting style with each one of them. Why? Because parents influence their children, but children also influence their parents. Different children provoke different reactions in you, and that will influence your parenting.
Strive for Authoritative, Not Perfection
So, try to be authoritative as often as possible because we know that it is best for our children. But also remember that you won’t always get it right, and it is OK. Your child does not need a perfect mother.
Here are some articles on parenting styles you may find helpful:
- Parenting Styles: What Are They and Why Do They Matter?
- Permissive Parenting Style: Characteristics and Effects
- Authoritarian Parenting: What’s It About?
- What Is Helicopter Parenting? Characteristics and Consequences
- Gentle Parenting: Is it Best?
I wish you all the very best.
Love,
Ana
What Is Soft Parenting, And Is It Recommended?
Soft parenting is an extreme version of gentle parenting, often seen on social media. Dr. Ana advises caution as these styles are not evidence-based and lack research linking them to positive developmental outcomes for children. These approaches often fail to establish clear boundaries, which children need alongside love and support.
What Are The Benefits Of Authoritative Parenting?
Authoritative parenting is considered the "gold standard" due to extensive research backing its effectiveness. These parents are warm, loving, set high expectations, and have clear rules. Their children tend to be well-adjusted, have strong social skills, perform well in school, and possess high self-esteem, feeling safe and secure with consistent routines.
Can A Parent's Style Change Over Time?
Yes, a parent's style can evolve due to various life stages and circumstances. For instance, stressful periods might lead a parent to become more authoritarian and harsher. Additionally, a parent might adopt different styles with different children, as each child's personality can provoke unique reactions and influence the parent-child dynamic.
Related content:
- Behavior Intervention Plan for Relational Aggression?
- How Can I Improve My Classroom Management Skills With 4-Year-Olds?
- Why is My 3-Year-Old So Out of Control with Tantrums?
Do you have questions for Dr. Ana? Ask for free today!
