Dr. Ana Aznar
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A concerned parent asks Dr. Ana for advice on managing their 3-year-old's uncontrollable tantrums, and Dr. Ana provides expert guidance on understanding, preventing, and responding to these challenging behaviors.
Handling Uncontrollable Tantrums In 3-Year-Olds
Question: "Help! My 3-year-old is out of control. Throws a fit at everything, angry, upset, uncontrollable."
Dr. Ana’s Expert Answer
At the age of 3, it is very difficult for your child to control their emotions. And at this age, when they are happy, they are VERY happy, and when they are angry, they are VERY angry. At the same time, children become more independent. Most of them can now walk around, and with this newly gained physical independence, they want to be allowed to DO things. And when you tell them ‘NO,’ the frustration begins. And because they cannot control that frustration and they don’t have the ability to tell you how they are feeling, the tantrum begins!
Common Causes of Tantrums
Tantrums happen because of hunger, tiredness, illness, and frustration. Therefore, prevention is the best way to avoid them.
Preventing Tantrums: Useful Tips
Some useful tips are:
- Establish a consistent routine so the child knows when it is time to go to bed, have a bath, eat, and play.
- Take snacks with you when you are out and about to avoid your child getting hungry.
- If possible, avoid ‘boring’ activities like going to the supermarket or to the post office around nap time or lunch time when your child is more likely to be cranky.
- Have toys at the ready so you can distract your child if he starts getting frustrated.
What To Do During A Tantrum
If you do not manage to prevent them, there is not much you can do once the tantrum starts. The best thing to do is to wait it out. Make sure your child is safe (they sometimes bang their heads against the wall or the floor), stay close but don’t do anything. Once they finish, wipe their tears and redirect their attention to another activity.
The R.I.D.D. Acronym for Tantrums
The acronym R.I.D.D. can help you handle tantrums (easier said than done, we know):
- Remain calm
- Ignore the tantrum
- Distract the child as soon as it is over
- Do make sure your child is safe, but don’t give in to demands.
Why You Shouldn't Give In
Do not give in. If you give in to the tantrum, you are reinforcing the behaviour and your child will know that if he throws a tantrum, he will get what he wants. We know it may be painful to watch, but the best thing for your child is for you to wait until he is done.
Be A Good Role Model
Finally, remember that children learn more from what we do than from what we say. Be a good role model for your child and manage your emotions in a calm way.
Useful Resources
You may find these articles useful:
- When Do Child Tantrums Stop?
- How to Handle Tantrums?
- Fostering Emotional Intelligence in Children: A Guide for Parents
I wish you both all the very best.
Love,
Ana
Why Do 3-Year-Olds Have Tantrums?
At three, children struggle to control strong emotions and are developing independence. When told "no," frustration builds, and because they lack the ability to articulate their feelings, it often escalates into a tantrum. Common triggers include hunger, tiredness, illness, and general frustration, making prevention key.
How Can I Prevent My 3-Year-Old's Tantrums?
Establishing a consistent routine for sleep, meals, and play helps reduce uncertainty. Always carry snacks to avoid hunger-induced meltdowns. Try to schedule "boring" errands, like grocery shopping, away from nap or meal times when your child is more likely to be cranky. Keep toys handy for distraction if frustration begins to build.
What Should I Do When My 3-Year-Old Throws A Tantrum?
Once a tantrum starts, the best approach is to wait it out. Ensure your child is safe, staying close without engaging. After it subsides, wipe their tears and gently redirect their attention to another activity. The R.I.D.D. acronym (Remain calm, Ignore the tantrum, Distract the child, Do ensure safety, but don't give in) can be a helpful guide.
Is It Okay To Give In To A Tantrum?
No, it is crucial not to give in to a tantrum. Giving in reinforces the behavior, teaching your child that throwing a fit will get them what they want. While difficult to watch, allowing the tantrum to run its course without yielding to demands is the best way to discourage future occurrences and foster better emotional regulation.
How Can Parents Manage Their Own Emotions During A Tantrum?
Children learn significantly from observation, so managing your own emotions calmly during a tantrum is vital. Remember the "R" in R.I.D.D. stands for "Remain calm." By modeling calm emotional regulation, you teach your child how to handle frustration constructively, setting a positive example for their own emotional development.
For more information, check out these popular topics:
- How Do I Handle Food Aggression in My Toddler?
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- How Can Parents Stop Bullying in Schools?
Do you have any parenting questions for our parenting coach and expert, Dr. Ana Aznar? Ask for free today!
