Dr. Ana Aznar
Table of contents
Looking for advice on how to manage your child's frequent meltdowns? Dr. Ana shares proven tips and insight in this helpful Q&A.
3-Year-Old Has Meltdowns Over Everything (Toddler Tantrums Solutions)
Question: “My 3-year-old has meltdowns over everything. How can I stop it?”
Dr. Ana’s Expert Answer
Tantrums are brief episodes of extreme and sometimes aggressive behaviours in response to frustration or anger. They usually include crying, hitting, throwing items, biting, pushing, going limp, and breath-holding.
They happen because at this stage, it is very difficult for your child to control their emotions. And at this age, when they are happy, they are VERY happy, and when they are angry, they are VERY angry. At the same time, children become more independent. Most of them can now walk around, and with this newly gained physical independence, they want to be allowed to DO things. And when you tell them ‘NO’, the frustration begins. And because they cannot control that frustration and they don’t have the ability to tell you how they are feeling, the tantrum begins!
Common Causes and Prevention
Tantrums happen because of hunger, tiredness, illness, and frustration. Therefore, prevention is the best way to avoid them.
Some useful tips are:
- Establish a consistent routine so the child knows when it is time to go to bed, have a bath, eat, and play.
- Take snacks with you when you are out and about to avoid your child getting hungry.
- If possible, avoid ‘boring’ activities like going to the supermarket or to the post office around nap time or lunch time when your child is more likely to be cranky.
- Have toys at the ready so you can distract your child if he starts getting frustrated.
What To Do During A Tantrum
If you do not manage to prevent them, there is not much you can do once the tantrum starts. The best thing to do is to wait it out. Make sure your child is safe (they sometimes bang their heads against the wall or the floor), stay close, but don’t do anything. Once they finish, wipe their tears and redirect their attention to another activity.
The acronym R.I.D.D. can help you handle tantrums (easier said than done, we know):
- Remain calm
- Ignore the tantrum
- Distract the child as soon as it is over
- Do make sure your child is safe, but don’t give in to demands.
Do not give in. If you give in to the tantrum, you are reinforcing the behaviour, and your child will know that if he throws a tantrum, he will get what he wants. We know it may be painful to watch, but the best thing for your child is for you to wait until he is done.
When Do Tantrums Stop?
Tantrums happen between the ages of two and three, but may occur as young as 12 months. They happen in 87% of 18 to 24-month-olds, 91% of 30 to 36-month-olds, and 59% of 42 to 48-month-olds. They tend to occur once a day for around three minutes. As your child grows and they learn to put their feelings into words, the frequency, length, and severity of the tantrums decrease (don’t despair! - There is light at the end of the tunnel).
Managing Your Own Feelings
Tantrums and meltdowns can really push you to the limit. Try to remain as calm as you can. If you think you are going to lose it, make sure your child is safe and leave the room for a few seconds to calm yourself down. Another useful technique is to ring a friend and have a chat to distract yourself while making sure your child is safe. Or ask a neighbour to come in. And remember, this phase won’t last forever, even if sometimes it feels like it.
Helpful Resources
You may find these articles useful:
I wish you both all the very best.
Love,
Ana
What Is The Best Way To Handle A 3-Year-Old’s Tantrum?
The best approach is prevention through routines, snacks, and avoiding triggers. During a tantrum, keep your child safe, remain calm, allow the tantrum to pass, and redirect attention afterwards. Avoid giving in to demands.
When Do Toddler Tantrums Typically Stop?
Most children outgrow frequent tantrums by age four as they develop better language and emotional control.
Should I Ignore My Child During A Tantrum?
Yes, stay close for safety, but do not engage with the behavior. This teaches your child that tantrums will not get results.
How Can I Stay Calm When My Child Is Having A Meltdown?
Take a moment away if needed (while the child is safe), contact a friend, or ask for support from someone nearby. It’s okay to take care of yourself so you can best support your child.
Related content:
- How Do I Handle a Defiant Child Without Losing My Patience?
- How Can I Discipline My Child Without Hitting or Yelling?
- How Can I Support My Baby's Brain Development in the First Year?
Do you have questions for Dr. Ana? Ask for free today!
