Disciplining Without Hitting or Yelling? Expert Doctor Answers

Table of contents

Discover psychologist-approved, non-physical discipline strategies that support your child’s well-being and foster positive behavior.

How To Discipline a Child Without Yelling or Hitting

Question: “I need some psychologist-approved ways to discipline a child without physical harm. I've been having the same argument with my father over my son's discipline for years, because he doesn't know how to discipline a child without yelling or hitting, and sometimes punishes my son like that. He doesn't believe me when I cite internet articles, even from good sources, and says to get a doctor's opinion, and maybe he'll consider it. So, do you have any suggestions, please? Thank you!”

Dr. Ana’s Expert Answer

There are very few things that we can say that are always bad for children: physical punishment is one. There are hundreds of studies examining the effects of physical punishment on children; not one of them says that it is good for them. Most studies find that physical punishment is bad; a few have found that it is not bad, but none have found that it is good. So, why use physical punishment if we know that it is at best ineffective and at worst, bad? Physical punishment is linked with children being more aggressive, having more mental health problems, and behaving more poorly. And when we talk about physical punishment, we include smacking. Yes, smacking is bad for children. And the more we smack our children, the worse the consequences for them.

Understanding Yelling and Its Effects

Yelling is not ideal either, but research on this topic is more nuanced. There is no evidence showing that the occasional yelling that happens in most families (e.g., “Put your shoes on now!!”) harms children. With this, I am not saying that it is great to yell at our kids, but that if we occasionally yell, we are not ruining our kids. However, if yelling is a constant in your family, it is a good idea to seek support, because it is probably creating stress for the whole family. It is also a good idea to seek support if, rather than yelling, what is happening is verbal abuse (e.g., “You are worthless!”; “You can’t do anything right!”). Verbal abuse is always bad for children.

Effective Discipline Methods Beyond Physical Punishment

Many parents and grandparents use physical punishment because they do not know other ways to discipline their children. In this article, we give you ideas to discipline your child using other techniques.

Additional Resources to Convince Your Family

These articles may also help to convince your father:

I hope this information will convince your father. Do let me know if there is anything else you need. I wish you all the very best.

Love,

Ana

Dr Ana Aznar

What Are the Best Ways to Discipline a Child Without Hitting?

Positive discipline techniques include setting clear boundaries, using time-outs, natural and logical consequences, positive reinforcement, and modeling good behavior. Redirecting and explaining the reasons for rules can also help children internalize them.

Is Occasional Yelling Harmful to Children?

Research shows that occasional yelling, as happens in most families, is not harmful to children. However, frequent yelling or verbal abuse can cause stress and long-term emotional harm.

Why Is Physical Punishment Not Recommended?

Studies have consistently found that physical punishment, including smacking, leads to worse behavioral and mental health outcomes for children. No research shows it benefits a child’s development or behavior.

How Can I Convince Older Family Members to Stop Physical Punishment?

Share evidence from experts and reputable resources, and provide alternative discipline strategies that are effective and backed by research. Encourage open conversation and understanding about the long-term impacts on children’s well-being.

Do you have questions for Dr. Ana? Ask for free today!

Related content: