Dr. Ana Aznar
Table of contents
An adult daughter seeks advice on how to cut ties with her emotionally abusive mother, as her therapist is reluctant to help her create a plan. Dr. Ana advises on how to communicate with the therapist and emphasizes the client's right to seek a new one if their needs aren't met.
How Do I Cut Ties With My Abusive Mother?
Question: “How can I, as an adult daughter, cut ties with my abusive mother? I am in therapy, and we talk about this, but my therapist is reluctant to help me put together a game plan, schedule, actual method, or script for how to have this dialogue with her. It would have to be over the phone as we live an ocean apart, but I don't want it to be harsh or seem mean if possible, even though it can't be done face-to-face. I just can't go on dreading her texts and calls and getting anxiety every time I think about my "relationship" with her—in this case, me being basically an emotional punching bag. Thank you so much.”
Dr. Ana’s Expert Answer
I am very sorry you are going through this, and I totally get that you are upset and frustrated.
Address Your Concerns With Your Current Therapist
I would go back to your therapist and ask him the reason why he is refusing to help you put together a plan. You need to understand his reasons. Tell him clearly that you disagree with his decision and together decide a course of action. If you feel uncomfortable saying that you don’t agree with him, do it over email or write him a letter. A good therapist will listen to you and will always have your best interests at heart.
Consider Finding a New Therapist
If you cannot decide on a course of action together, you have the right to finish your therapeutic relationship with him and look for another therapist.
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I hope this helps. I wish you the very best.
Ana
How Do You Set Boundaries With a Narcissistic Mother?
Start by clearly identifying your limits. Communicate these boundaries to your mother in a firm but calm manner, explaining what you will no longer tolerate. It is important to be prepared for her to test these boundaries. Consistently enforce the consequences you’ve established. Seeking support from a therapist can also provide you with strategies and strength during this process.
How Do I Go No Contact With My Mother?
First, decide on your method of communication—whether it's a letter, email, or phone call—and prepare a script. State your decision clearly and concisely, without leaving room for negotiation. After the conversation, block all forms of communication to prevent unwanted contact. It's important to build a support system of friends, family, or a therapist to help you navigate the emotional aftermath.
What Do You Say When Cutting Off a Parent?
When cutting off a parent, be direct and firm. You might say something like, “For my well-being, I need to take space from our relationship. This isn't up for discussion, and I need you to respect my decision.” Avoid blaming or getting into lengthy arguments. The goal is to state your boundary clearly and end the conversation, prioritizing your own emotional health.
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