Managing Parental Stress & Overwhelm? Expert Doctor Answers

Table of contents

Parenting can be incredibly rewarding, but it also brings moments of exhaustion and stress. In this Ask Dr. Ana Q&A, we address real concerns from parents about coping with stress and building resilience.

Stress Relief for Parents: Finding Balance and Support

Question: “Do you have any advice or activities for stress relief for parents? My partner and I are feeling really drained under all this parental stress lately—bills, baby feedings, no sleep, our parents trying to butt in, overwhelming jobs, etc.”

Dr. Ana’s Expert Answer

Feeling overwhelmed as a parent? Discover actionable strategies and expert tips for stress relief and finding balance in your family life.

Facing the Challenge of Parenthood

I totally get what you are going through. I encourage you to think of being a working parent as a challenge, and like with any challenge, the more you break it down, the less daunting it becomes. You and your partner need to make a plan of how you want your life as working parents to look like and find the resources you need to make it a success. The important thing is that you both feel that you are in control of your life and that life is not taking you.

Creating a Vision and Setting Boundaries

Here are some tips that you will find helpful:

What is your vision of working parenthood? Your vision might be: “To make partner in five years while being able to put the kids to bed every night”; “I don’t care much about my career, I just want to provide for my family while not missing a single school event”; “I would love to be a stay-at-home parent” or something entirely different. However, you want your life as a working parent to look like is entirely valid. Just consider it carefully and make a plan to make it work.
To achieve your vision (whatever it is), you need to set boundaries. Boundaries are always important, but more so when we become parents because our mental load drastically increases. Mental load is that all that invisible work that we all do: organizing a playdate for your child, booking a doctor's appointment, buying the Christmas present for the teacher, remembering to get balloons for your daughter's birthday, or planning the week's dinners. On their own, they seem like small tasks, but they all add up. You need to set up boundaries at home and at work. What do boundaries at work look like? You may start to delegate a bit more, block off any meetings for a couple of hours a day to focus on deep work, or ask to work from home a couple of days a week. What about home? Put the phone on silent during bath time, ask your parents not to visit during supper time because it is your time to be with the kids, or say no to a birthday party because you want to have a quiet Sunday at home.

Long-Term Perspective and Motivation

Think long-term to stay in the game: many parents I work with decide to leave their jobs during crises. The toddler has the flu, they haven’t slept in three days, and they have a really important presentation. The situation feels impossible, and they decide to quit. The decision is human, but we need to remind ourselves that we need to push through the rough patches to get long-term payoffs. The baby will only have the flu for a week, and you have always loved your job and want to progress in your career. Yes, you are working weekends for a few months, but you are creating financial stability for your family. This “short-term/long-term” thinking allows you to stay in the game and maintain your motivation. Always remind yourself: This hard part will be over soon, and my long-term payoff is coming.

Co-Parenting and Communication

Create a strong co-parenting team: Parents who co-parent effectively are those who cooperate, support each other, confide and trust in each other, and who experience low conflict levels related to their children. However, it is not easy. Research tells us that 2/3 of couples report a decline in their relationship satisfaction after having a baby; however, many of us think that we are the only ones. It's important to normalise the massive impact that having a child has on any couple. Having a kid is not a death sentence for the couple, but it requires work. Couples who feel the most connection and satisfaction in their relationship since becoming parents have something in common: they have created a sense of 'we-ness', sharing in the highs and lows of parenting. They know that their relationship needs love and attention. To achieve this, it is important that you have communicate with one another effectively. Whether this is coming together to make a game plan to tackle baby’s new sleep schedule, or taking time and space to really hear about what an experience has been like for your partner. Make sure that you talk and listen. Also, make sure that you both feel that the labour is fairly distributed, otherwise your relationship may struggle. When couples feel that they are sharing the load fairly, the family does better. I explain here how to discuss and organize a fair share of the load.

Building Connections and Letting Go of Perfection

Find your tribe: parenting was never meant to be done in isolation. When it says that it takes a village, it's because it does! Don't do it alone. If you feel lonely, do not think you are alone in this. 1/3 of parents say that they feel lonely always or often. This is negative for parents, and it is also negative for their children. Making time to see friends is not a luxury but a need.
Understand what really matters for your child: We are afraid of making mistakes because we think that with every decision we make, we can ruin our children's lives. This is not the case: small decisions such as whether to co-sleep or not, breastfeed or not, send them to a co-ed or a single-sex school, those small decisions do not matter much. What matters? The relationship that you have with your child. A strong, trusting, loving relationship is the strongest predictor of your child's mental health and well-being. If you find yourself agonizing about every single aspect of your child’s development, let go.
Let go of the idea of perfection: Let's change the idea of being a perfect parent to the idea of being a good enough parent. The idea of the good enough parent was formulated by a psychologist called Donald Winnicott. It doesn't mean neglecting a child it means knowing that as parents we will get it wrong sometimes, and this is also a natural part of being a parent. Not only do we need to abandon the idea of the perfect parent, but we need to abandon the idea of perfection, full stop. Where does your idea of 'perfection' come from? In general, perfectionism is the enemy of success because it has no finish line; you never feel good enough. The idea that we can achieve a 10 across everything we do is simply unrealistic.

These articles may also be helpful:

I hope this helps. I wish you and your family all the very best.

Love,

Ana

Dr Ana Aznar

What Are Effective Ways for Parents to Relieve Stress?

Effective ways to manage parenting stress include setting clear boundaries, open communication with your co-parent, finding social support, and focusing on the big picture instead of perfection in small daily tasks.

How Does Parental Stress Affect Children?

High parental stress can impact a child's emotional well-being and behavior. However, a strong, trusting, and loving relationship with your child is the most important protective factor.

What If I Feel Overwhelmed and Alone as a Parent?

Feeling overwhelmed or alone is common. Connecting with others, whether friends, family, or parenting support groups, can relieve feelings of isolation.

How Do I Set Boundaries With Extended Family?

Communicate your family’s needs clearly and kindly, and let relatives know how they can best support you. It’s okay to say no to visits or requests that don’t align with your family’s well-being.

Do you have questions for Dr. Ana? Ask for free today!

Related content: