Ask Dr. Ana: Why Is My 5-Year-Old Still Throwing Tantrums?

Parenting expert Dr. Ana Aznar addresses a parent's concern about their 5-year-old's frequent tantrums, explaining the causes and offering strategies for prevention and management.

Why Is My 5-Year-Old Having Tantrums?

Question: “Do you have advice on how to deal with tantrums in 5-year-olds? He’s been in just a foul mood for the last few months.”

Dr. Ana's Expert Answer

Tantrums are less common after age 3, but they still may happen at age 5. However, if you are worried, talk to your doctor.

Tantrums are brief episodes of extreme and sometimes aggressive behaviours in response to frustration or anger. They usually include crying, hitting, throwing items, biting, pushing, going limp, and breath-holding. Tantrums happen because of hunger, tiredness, illness, and frustration. Therefore, prevention is the best way to avoid them.

Why Do Tantrums Still Happen at This Age?

They happen because it may still be difficult for your child to control his emotions. As your child grows and they learn to put their feelings into words, the frequency, length, and severity of the tantrums decrease (don’t despair! There is light at the end of the tunnel). In this article, I give you a few guidelines to help develop your child’s emotional competence.

What Should You Do During a Tantrum?

If you do not manage to prevent them, there is not much you can do once the tantrum starts. The best thing to do is to wait it out. Make sure your child is safe (they sometimes bang their heads against the wall or the floor), stay close, but don’t do anything. Once they finish, wipe their tears and redirect their attention to another activity.

The acronym R.I.D.D. can help you handle tantrums (easier said than done, we know):

• Remain calm
• Ignore the tantrum
• Distract the child as soon as it is over
• Do make sure your child is safe, but don’t give in to demands.

Do not give in. If you give in to the tantrum, you are reinforcing the behaviour and your child will know that if he throws a tantrum, he will get what he wants. We know it may be painful to watch, but the best thing for your child is for you to wait until he is done.

How Can a Parent Stay Calm?

Tantrums and meltdowns can really push you to the limit. Try to remain as calm as you can. If you think you are going to lose it, make sure your child is safe and leave the room for a few seconds to calm yourself down. Another useful technique is to ring a friend and have a chat to distract yourself while making sure your child is safe. Or ask a neighbour to come in. And remember, this phase won’t last forever even if sometimes it feels like it.

You may find these articles useful:

• When Do Child Tantrums Stop?
• Fostering Emotional Intelligence in Children: A Guide for Parents
• Why Is My 4-Year-Old So Mean?

I wish you both all the very best.

Love,

Ana

Dr Ana Aznar

How Do You Deal With a 5-Year-Old's Tantrums?

The best way to handle a tantrum is to wait for it to pass. Ensure your child is in a safe space where they cannot hurt themselves. Stay close, but do not engage or give in to their demands. Once the tantrum is over, offer comfort and redirect their attention to a new, calm activity.

What Causes Tantrums in 5-Year-Olds?

Tantrums in 5-year-olds are typically caused by frustration, hunger, tiredness, or illness. At this age, children are still developing emotional control and may struggle to express big feelings with words. These outbursts are a response to being overwhelmed by their emotions and are a normal, though challenging, part of development.

What Is the R.I.D.D. Method for Tantrums?

The R.I.D.D. method is an acronym to help parents manage tantrums. It stands for: Remain calm, Ignore the behavior (while ensuring safety), Distract the child after the tantrum ends, and Do not give in to demands. This approach helps avoid reinforcing the tantrum behavior, teaching your child that outbursts won't get them what they want.

For more information, check out these popular topics:

• When Do Babies Start Talking and Understanding Words?
• How Can I Teach My Kids Values Without My Religious Background?
• How Can I Help My 11-Year-Old Improve Their Memory?

Do you have any parenting questions for our parenting coach and expert, Dr. Ana Aznar? Ask for free today!