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Ask Dr. Ana: How Should I Talk to My Teen About Sex Before She Turns 21?

Parenting expert Dr. Ana answers a worried parent's question about teens having sex, offering tips on open conversations, consent, contraception, and emotional health.

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Updated: July 10, 2025
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Updated: July 10, 2025

Question:

What are your thoughts on teens having sex with teens? I want my daughter to wait until she is legal to drink before even thinking about having sex, but I’m worried that she’s just going to dive right in before she’s 21 and not tell me or be safe about it because she’s too young (she’s 17 now).

Dr. Ana’s Answer:

There is no ‘right’ age to have sex for the first time. I totally get that you want your daughter to wait but the truth is that your daughter will probably do whatever she wants to do.  

I think that rather than trying to forbid her to have sex, you should discuss this topic with her, so she understands your concerns and the risks. Prepare her for it. And remember that it is not about having THE talk but about having little talks often.  

It would be a good idea for you two to discuss: 

  • Sexual consent  
  • Contraception 
  • STIs (sexually transmitted infections) and STDs (sexually transmitted diseases) 
  • Love: sometimes when we talk about sex, conversations can feel quite ‘mechanical’. I think it is important that we talk about how sex is best when mixed with love and a romantic relationship  

You may also find these articles useful: 

I wish you and your daughter all the very best. 

Love,  

Ana 

Dr Ana Aznar 

Do you have questions for Dr. Ana? Ask for free today!



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Dr. Ana Aznar

About Ana

Dr. Ana Aznar is the founder of REC Parenting. She is a psychologist with a passion to support… Read more

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