The 60 Best Dad Jokes of All Time

There is something about dad jokes that foster a weird mixture of satisfaction with a dash of annoyance. Maybe it's the fact that dad jokes are short, corny, and relatively harmless that makes them so lovable. Or perhaps it's the sparkle in dad's eye when he knows he's about to get super cheesy?

More: 40 Thanksgiving Jokes For Kids

For many, the memories and the ability to spread some laughter makes bearing witness to these terribly silly jokes worth it. This might be something we need in these rough and tumble times of 2020. So, without further ado, this article is an ode to the dad joke: all sixty of our favorites just in time for Father's Day.

Best Pun Dad Jokes

1. Why can't you hear the pterodactyl go to the toilet? Because the 'p' is silent. 
2. How did the picture end up in jail? It was framed!
3. My wife refuses to go to the beach with me. I think she'd just being clothes-minded!
4. I wanted to take pictures of the fog this morning. But I mist my chance, so I guess I could dew it tomorrow!
5. Bad puns. It's how eye roll.
6. I made a pencil with two erasers. It was pointless.
7. You got something to say? Let's taco 'bout it!
8. What did the artery say to the muscle? You're being a little vein.
9. Why did the balloons run away from the concert? They were playing pop music!
10. Did you know the first French fries weren't actually cooked in France? They were cooked in grease.
11. What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.
12. When a dad drives past a graveyard: Did you know that's a popular cemetery? Yep, people are just dying to get in there!
13. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
14. What does a zombie vegetarian eat? GRAAAAIIIIIINNNNSSS!
15. Did you hear about the ATM that got addicted to money? It suffered from withdrawals.
16. What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? A hippo is really heavy, and a Zippo is a little lighter.
17. What sound does a sleeping T-Rex make? A dino-snore.
18. Where do lizards go to fix their fallen tails? The retail shop.
19. Why did the melons get married? Because they cantaloupe.
20. What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Aye Matey!
21. How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it!

Best One-Liner Dad Jokes

1. The LEGO shop reopens tomorrow, but I recommend avoiding it for the time being. People will be lined up for blocks.
2. I'm reading a horror book in Braille. Something bad is going to happen. I can feel it.
3. What's brown and sticky? A stick.
4. I ordered a chicken and an egg online. I'll let you know.
5. The best way to communicate with a fish is to drop them a line.
6. I'll call you later. Don't call me later, call me Dad!
7. What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y.
8. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved.
9. How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.
10. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
11. How does Darth Vader like his toast? On the dark side.
12. What do you call a sad fish? A frownder.
13. My neighbors listen to really good music… whether they like it or not.
14. I just found out that "Aaaargh" is not a real word. I can't express how angry I am.
15. What did 50Cent do when he got hungry? 58.
16. I have a pen that can write underwater. It can write other words, too.
17. What do snails become when they die? Escarghosts.
18. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!
19. My daughter yelled, "Daaaaad, you haven't listened to a word I've said!" What a strange way to start a conversation with me.
20. The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested. I hear they're going to give him a really tough sentence. 

Best Knock-Knock Dad Jokes

1. Knock Knock. Who's there? Candice. Candice who? Candice door open, or am I stuck out here?
2. Knock Knock. Who's there? Dejav. Dejav who? Knock Knock!
3. Knock Knock. Who's there? Wooden shoe. Wooden shoe who? Wooden shoe like to know.
4. Knock Knock. Who's there? Witch. Witch who? Witch one of you will give me some Halloween candy?
5. Knock Knock. Who's there? Tank. Tank who? You're welcome!
6. Knock Knock. Who's there? Radio. Radio who? Radio not, here I come!
7. Knock Knock. Who's there? Abe Lincoln. Abe Lincoln who? Aw, come on, don't you know who Abe Lincoln is??
8. Knock Knock. Who's there? Annie. Annie who? Annie thing you can do, I can do better!
9. Knock Knock. Who's there? A little old lady. A little old lady who? Wow, I didn't know you could yodel!
10. Knock Knock. Who's there? Ice cream. Ice cream who? Ice cream so people can hear me!
11. Knock Knock. Who's there? Anita. Anita who? Anita go to the bathroom!
12. Knock Knock. Who's there? No one. No one who? *Remains silent*
13. Knock Knock. Who's there? Honeybee. Honeybee who? Honeybee a dear and open the door, please.
14. Knock Knock. Who's there? Spell. Spell who? W-H-O.
15. Knock Knock. Who's there? Art. Art who? R2-D2!
16. Knock Knock. Who's there? Boo. Boo who? Uh, why are you crying?
17. Knock Knock. Who's there? Gorilla. Gorilla who? Gorilla me a hamburger!
18. Knock Knock. Who's there? Icing. Icing who? Icing so loudly so everyone can hear meeeee!
19. Knock Knock. Who's there? Dishes. Dishes who? Dishes the police, open up!

So there you have it, folks. You are now well-equipped to tickle your family pink with the most cheesy, knee-slapping dad jokes just in time for Father's Day. But if for whatever reason, you can't remember any of these, you can always rely on ol' faithful: "I'm hungryyyyy!" "Hi hungry, I'm Dad." (Wink, wink) 

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