Dr. Ana Aznar
Table of contents
Get expert advice for parents on how to handle common teenage behavior problems like lying, screaming, and sneaking out, focusing on understanding the root causes and fostering open communication.
How to Deal With Teenage Behavior Problems
Question: “Do you have tips on dealing with teenage behavior problems? He's lying, screaming, sneaking out, etc. and just turned 14.”
Dr. Ana's Expert Answer
The teenage years can be tricky because your son is going through a process of individuation: he is separating from you, finding out his own identity, while at the same time his friends and peers become of vital importance. At the same time, school becomes more demanding, and they have to navigate body changes, romantic relationships… It is a lot!
Start by Talking to Your Teen
I would first have a chat with him. Not about his behaviour but about his life in general: How is he finding it? How is he doing at school? How is he doing with friends? Does he have any worries? Is he happy at home? Try to listen and don’t rush to offer solutions if he is facing difficulties. As parents we want to solve things but sometimes our teenager just wants to be heard. Take his worries seriously even if they don’t seem important to you.
Understand the Reasons Behind the Behavior
Now let’s tackle his behaviours. With the lying and sneaking out, ask him why he is doing it. With the lying, try to understand why: did he lie not to get into trouble at school or was he, for example, covering for a friend? Tackle the reason for lying more than the lie itself. What about the sneaking out? Is he sneaking out because all his friends have a later curfew than him? What is he doing when he sneaks out? Where is he going? Have a chat with him about it to understand his motives and see how together you can get to an agreement where he doesn’t feel the need to sneak out, and you feel he is respecting the limits and boundaries you are establishing. Remember that for a teenager to follow the rules, they must understand them.
How to Handle Screaming
With the screaming, every time he screams tell him: “I don’t think you have realized how much you have screamed and how awful it sounds. Why don’t you try to say it again?”. The louder he screams, the softer you should talk. Do not engage in a screaming battle, if you think you are going to lose it, just tell him you will continue the conversation when you both feel calmer.
Check in With School
Have a chat with his teachers to see how he is behaving at school and whether there are any issues.
Maintain a Positive Relationship
Sometimes, when our teenagers behave this way, it is easy to fall into a very negative relationship with him. Show him love, praise him when he behaves well, and spend time with him.
I hope this information helps. Do not hesitate to get in touch if you want to discuss it further.
Related articles:
- My 12 Year-Old Is Misbehaving at School
- My Teenager Is Rude
- How Can I Support my Daughter through Challenging Teen Years?
I wish you the very best.
Ana
What Is Normal Teenage Behavior?
Normal teenage behavior involves a process of individuation, where teens separate from parents and prioritize friends. This phase includes navigating school pressures, body changes, and new relationships, which can be overwhelming. While mood swings and a desire for independence are common, behaviors like persistent lying, screaming, and sneaking out may indicate underlying issues that need to be addressed through open communication.
How Do You Discipline a Teenager Who Lies?
When dealing with a lying teenager, it's crucial to address the reason behind the lie rather than just the lie itself. Have a calm conversation to understand their motive—were they trying to avoid trouble or protect someone? This helps you tackle the root cause. Building a foundation of trust where your teen feels safe coming to you with problems can also reduce their need to lie.
Why Do Teenagers Scream at Their Parents?
Teenagers may scream when they feel overwhelmed, misunderstood, or unable to express their intense emotions effectively. Instead of engaging in a screaming match, respond calmly and softly. You can say, "I don't think you realize how loud you're being. Let's try that again." If tensions are high, suggest continuing the conversation later when you are both calm.
What Should I Do if My Teen Is Sneaking Out?
If your teenager is sneaking out, talk to them to understand why. Are their friends allowed to stay out later? Is there a specific reason they feel the need to leave without permission? Work together to find a compromise that respects their growing independence while maintaining your rules and boundaries. A teen is more likely to follow rules they help create and understand.
For more information, check out these popular topics:
- How Can I Handle My Child’s Aggressive Outbursts?
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- Should Toddlers Fast During Ramadan?
Do you have any parenting questions for our parenting coach and expert, Dr. Ana Aznar? Ask for free today!
