Dealing with School Misbehavior? Expert Doctor Answers

Table of contents

Looking for guidance from an experienced parenting specialist? Explore solutions for setting consequences at home when your child faces behavior issues at school.

Consequences at Home For Bad Behavior At School: Expert Parenting Advice

Question: “What would you recommend for consequences at home for bad behavior at school? He’s 12 and has been yelling, swearing, and refusing to follow rules, but our talks with him don’t seem to be doing anything?”

Dr. Ana’s Expert Answer

I understand your despair. It is really frustrating when nothing you do works to change your child’s behaviour. I would first talk with his teachers to get a full picture of what is going on at school: is the bad behaviour happening across all lessons with all teachers? Is he behaving this way every day or on certain days? How is his general mood? Does he have friends? Are his grades slipping? Try to get a full picture of his life at school and not only of the moments when he behaves badly. It is very important that you work as a team with the school.

Open Conversation With Your Child

Have a chat with him, not about his behaviour specifically, but about his life: How is he doing generally? Does he have friends? Does he feel well integrated at school? Is he happy at home? Does he have any worries?

Change The Family Dynamic

Change the dynamic: It may be that you have fallen into a very negative cycle. He is behaving badly, nothing you tell him works, you are angry, he is angry, and you are not spending time together or enjoying being together. You need to change the dynamic: give him the chance to start over every single day. Every day is a new day for him to do well. And remember to praise him. Very often, we ignore when our children behave well, and we only focus on their bad behavior. Whenever he does well, praise him.

Practical Steps For Positive Change

Now let’s tackle his behaviours. From what you say, there are a few things he needs to change: yelling, swearing, and not following the rules. So, instead of saying “you need to behave well”, let’s break it down to make it more manageable for him: 1) you cannot yell, 2) you cannot swear, and 3) you must follow the rules. And then you tie each behaviour to a reward. I don’t know what your child likes, but it could be something like: “You will have screen time every day you do not shout at school,” or “Every day that you don’t swear, we will make pancakes for breakfast,” and so on. Then ask the teacher to send you a short report on those three behaviours every day.

Additional Resources

You may find these articles useful:

I wish you both all the best of luck. Do get in touch with me if you want to discuss it further.

Love,

Ana

Dr Ana Aznar

What Should Parents Do If Punishments Don’t Improve School Behavior?

If consequences at home aren’t working, focus on understanding the root cause—talk to teachers, observe patterns, and check in with your child’s emotions and friendships. Collaborate with the school and use positive reinforcement for good days. Consider breaking down expected behaviors into simple, clear goals with small rewards.

How Can I Rebuild A Positive Connection When My Child’s Behavior Creates Tension At Home?

Changing the dynamic at home is important. Allow for fresh starts daily, spend time together outside of discipline, and praise positive behavior. Building trust and warmth can encourage better behavior long-term.

What Are Effective, Non-Physical Consequences For A 12-Year-Old?

Tie specific behaviors to clear, meaningful rewards or privileges. For example: “You’ll have screen time only if there’s no shouting at school today.” Small, consistent consequences work better than harsh punishments.

Should I Work With The School For Behavior Issues?

Yes, working as a team with teachers and school staff often leads to better understanding and support for your child. Request regular feedback about the specific behaviors you’re targeting at home.

Related content:

Do you have questions for Dr. Ana? Ask for free today!