How to Build Confidence in a 13-Year-Old Girl

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In our Ask Dr Ana series, Dr. Ana Aznar answers real questions from parents with practical, evidence-based advice. Dr. Ana Aznar is the founder of REC Parenting and a psychologist who specializes in parenting, family relationships, and children’s socioemotional development. Parents can also submit their own questions for free expert parenting advice.

Parent’s question

“What do you suggest I do to help build confidence in my 13-year-old daughter?”

Dr Ana’s answer

Confidence is about trusting ourselves, our abilities, and our ideas. It is also about understanding who we are, our talents and our limitations. It is normal to sometimes doubt ourselves. However, having constant low confidence may make our life more difficult.

Building confidence is not about giving your daughter a pep talk but about giving her experiences that allow her to say: “I can handle this”.

Here are ideas that may help your daughter:

Let her struggle a bit. If you step in every time she struggles, the message she is getting is: “You can’t handle this”. Managing to achieve new and complicated tasks helps her build confidence.
Do not do everything for her.
Give her responsibilities. Responsibilities say: “We trust you”.
Celebrate effort and progress, not only results.
Challenge her inner critic. We all have an inner voice and that voice can be brutal in the case of teenagers. Whenever your daughter says something like: “I don’t do anything right”, instead of dismissing her feelings, “Don’t be silly”, challenge her thoughts: “Let’s see why you think that. What about playing the piano? You play really well. Or what about when you babysit the neighbour’s boy? He loves you. There are many things you are good at.”

How parents can help teenage girls build confidence

Confidence often dips during the teenage years. At 13, many girls are dealing with friendship changes, school pressure, body changes, and comparison with others.

Reassurance can help, but it is usually not enough on its own. A teenager with low confidence may not believe it when a parent says, “You’re amazing.”

Confidence grows when children collect real evidence that they can cope.

You can support this by giving your daughter manageable chances to:

Try something difficult
Make decisions
Take responsibility
Solve problems
Recover from mistakes
Notice her own progress

This does not mean leaving her alone when she is struggling. It means not rushing in too quickly.

Instead of fixing the problem immediately, try saying, “What could you try first?” or “Do you want advice, or do you want me to listen?”

It is also important to praise effort, not just success. If children are only praised for outcomes, they may become afraid to fail. Praise her persistence, courage, kindness, preparation, creativity, and progress.

When she is self-critical, try not to dismiss her feelings. Gently help her test the thought. Ask whether it is completely true, and whether there are examples that show something different.

Over time, these small experiences can help her develop a stronger belief in herself.

Dr Ana Aznar’s parenting expertise

Dr. Ana Aznar has a BA in Psychology from The Open University, UK, an MSc in Applied Child Psychology from Kingston University, UK, and a PhD in Developmental Psychology from Kingston University, UK. She conducts research on parenting, family relations, and children’s socioemotional development.

Teenage confidence FAQs

How can I build confidence in my teenage daughter?

Give her chances to take responsibility, solve problems, and see her own progress. Confidence is built through experience, not only reassurance.

Why is my 13-year-old daughter so self-critical?

Teenagers often become more aware of themselves and what others think. Friendship changes, school pressure, and comparison can all increase self-doubt.

Should I step in when my daughter is struggling?

Support her, but try not to rescue her too quickly. Letting her try first can help her learn that she can cope.

What should I say when my daughter says she is bad at everything?

Avoid dismissing the feeling. Instead, gently challenge the thought by asking whether it is completely true and helping her notice examples that show her strengths.

Do you have any parenting questions for our parenting coach and expert, Dr. Ana Aznar? Ask for free today!