Did I Choose the Right Name for My Baby?

Whether you go with a name you’ve always loved, opt for a modern name that’s very “today”, or choose a generational, family gem…what you name your newborn is your choice.

But what if you’re not sure you made the right one?

Postpartum is a deeply emotional time. You're adjusting to your new identity as a parent, running on (very!) little sleep, and navigating major hormonal shifts.

So, when feelings of regret or doubt creep in about the name you just gave your baby, it can feel overwhelming, and leave you second-guessing.

Been There, Done That

With my first daughter, the naming process was easy. My husband and I agreed on “Sabrina,” an old Hollywood name I loved since high school, inspired by Audrey Hepburn’s character in the classic film. (No, I did NOT cull my daughter’s name from the comic book and 1990s sitcom, “Sabrina, the Teenaged Witch,” thank you very much!) “Sabrina” felt elegant, timeless, and not too girly or too common. 

Our second daughter’s name, though, didn’t come easy to us. We were so convinced we were having a boy, we only discussed boy names. They say, you plan, and God laughs. Surprise–it was another girl!

While pregnant with Babe 2, I was emotionally drained and overly influenced by the opinions of others. Names I loved, such as Naomi, Adrienne, Julietta, Alix…got vetoed by family or didn’t “flow” with Sabrina. (In turn, I was horrified by the names recommended to ME, by others!)

Eventually, we landed on Aimee. It was simple, sweet, and with a French-inspired spelling I found super cute. 

But as we were discharged from the hospital, as I was sitting on an ice pack to soothe my nether regions, my husband turned to me in the car and asked: “Did we make a mistake?”

I was shocked because I’d already been wondering the same. Was Aimee too cutesy? Too common? Did it pair well with her sister’s name? Would people constantly spell it “Amy?” Would people think I named her after the most hated sister in the classic novel, “Little Women?” (Look, I can’t help how haywire my post-partum emotions were on that last one, ok?)

Unpacking the Regret

I reminded myself—I was emotional, exhausted, and had just given birth at age 38 while juggling a toddler at home. Once we better adjusted to life as a family of four, and time passed, it hit me: she was an Aimee. To me, she completely embodied her name. I chilled out.

Still, the experience left me wondering: how common is postpartum name regret?

Turns out, very.

“Name regret is actually a very common experience after having a baby,” says psychologist Emily Guarnotta, PsyD, PMH-C, founder of Phoenix Health. “For many, it’s related to the significant hormonal changes that happen in the first few days of giving birth. These changes can trigger the “baby blues,” which are mild emotional symptoms like sadness, anxiety, and irritability.”

For example, she adds: "Naming your baby can feel like a lot of pressure, especially when you are sleep-deprived and your hormones are shifting. “It’s not uncommon for your baby’s name to become a focal point of anxiety.”

According to Dr. Guarnotta, in some cases, name regret may even be tied to postpartum OCD, which involves intrusive, distressing thoughts that feel hard to control…such as obsessing over whether a name was a huge mistake.

If you think that your baby name anxiety is tied to OCD, there are a couple of ways to approach finding a therapist. “You could share your concerns with your OBGYN, midwife, doula, or another provider and ask for a referral,” says Dr. Guarnotta. “You can also contact your insurance company for a list of in-network providers.”

Another option she recommends is using a provider directory like Psychology Today or Postpartum Support International, which is specific to perinatal (the period of time around your baby’s birth) mental health.

The Waiting Game

Before you begin the process of formally changing your baby’s name—”pause,” Dr. Guarnotta advises. “Don’t rush to change the birth certificate. Reflect on whether it’s truly the name you dislike, or if you’re overwhelmed and exhausted.”

Also, give it time. Wait a few weeks or months before making any formal changes to the birth certificate. “The best decisions are made from a place of clarity, not panic.”

Patience Is a Virtue

Erica Manto Paulson, an Ohio-based certified doula and childbirth educator, shares her own baby-naming journey.

“We announced a name before birth, but once I held him, the name didn’t feel right,” she recalls. “We gave ourselves space and found a name that felt like it belonged to him: Sebastian.”

Fourteen years later, Paulson has no regrets over his name. “It suits him.”

You Got This

Overall, to all the new parents feeling unsure about your baby’s name: be gentle with yourself! You literally just had a baby…it’s normal to be a mixed bag of emotions and to question everything.

As Paulson points out: “Whatever name you ultimately land on, it will carry the love and thoughtfulness that brought you there…and that’s what matters.”

For more information, check out these popular topics:

• 100 Modern Boy Names for a 21st-Century Baby Boy
• How to Choose a Baby Name Inspired by Your Family Tree
• How to Choose a Last Name for Baby