Skip to main content
FamilyEducation
FamilyEducation
Family Education

FE-Menu

  • Pregnancy
    • <blank>
      • Pregnancy Tracker
      • Trying to Conceive
      • Signs & Symptoms
      • Pregnancy Health
    • <blank>
      • Baby Names
      • High Risk Pregnancies
      • Preparing for Baby
    • <blank>
      • Concerns & Complications
      • Labor & Delivery
      • Postpartum
  • Baby Names
    • <blank>
      • Browse All Baby Names (A-Z)
      • Top Names for Boys
      • Top Names for Girls
      • Baby Name Generator
    • <blank>
      • Baby Name Lists & Ideas
      • First Names By Origin
      • Browse All Last Names (A-Z)
      • Last Names by Origin
  • Babies
    • <blank>
      • Caring For Your Baby
      • Baby's Health
      • Feeding Your Baby
    • <blank>
      • Your Baby and Sleep
      • Baby's Growth & Development
      • Baby Hygiene
    • <blank>
      • Baby Safety
      • Baby Products
    • <blank>
  • Toddlers
    • <blank>
      • Toddler Growth and Development
    • <blank>
      • Toddler Behavior and Discipline
    • <blank>
      • Your Toddler and Sleep
  • Kids
    • <blank>
      • Health
      • Childhood Development
      • Fitness & Nutrition
      • Childhood Safety
    • <blank>
      • Communicating with Your Kids
      • Childhood Behavior and Discipline
      • Fostering Responsibility
      • Instilling Values & Manners
    • <blank>
      • Childcare
      • Neurodiversity in Kids
      • Adopting Children
  • Teens
    • <blank>
      • Teen Health
      • Teen Puberty & Sex
    • <blank>
      • Behavior & Discipline
      • Teen Social Development
    • <blank>
      • Values & Responsibilities
  • Activities
    • <blank>
      • Printables
      • Indoor Activities
      • Learning Activities
      • Arts and Crafts
      • Performing Arts
      • Food Activities
      • Outdoor Activities
    • <blank>
      • Books
      • TV
      • Movies
      • Online
      • Quizzes
      • Games
      • Celebrities
    • <blank>
      • Parties
      • Travel
      • Toys
      • Holidays
      • Gifts
  • Learning
    • <blank>
      • By Grade
      • By Subject
      • College
      • Preschool
    • <blank>
      • Back to School
      • Study Skills
      • Learning Styles
    • <blank>
      • Homeschooling
      • Parental Involvement
      • Your Child's School
  • Family Life
    • <blank>
      • Mom Life
      • Dad Life
      • Family Relationships
      • Having a Healthy Marriage
      • Divorce
    • <blank>
      • Health & Fitness
      • COVID Resources
      • Managing Your Home
      • Moving Your Family
      • Pets
    • <blank>
      • Family Finances
      • Work
      • Families and Food
  • NewslettersNewsletters
    Newsletters

Breadcrumb

  1. Home
  2. Kids
  3. Communicating with Your Kids
  4. Be Your Child's Ally

 

 

Be Your Child's Ally

Being your child's ally will foster a trusting and open relationship.
  • facebook share icon
  • pin
  • twitter share icon
  • email share icon
  • Print page icon

Be Your Child's Ally

Tales from the Parent Zone

How do you measure success? Mr. B.G. Mouth has money, a big house, three luxury cars, and a staff of 40 catering to his every whim. His wife, Lauda Mouth, has political power and fame. Yet the three Mouth kids are miserable, socially inept, and in trouble. Let's get a little more internal, and consider success on an interpersonal and personal level. The best thing a parent can do is to teach a child the tools for creating her own successes.

Your child will become a well-behaved child when she knows deep down in her bones that you are there for her as her ally. An ally is somebody who is on your side, who assumes that you mean well, and who trusts and believes in you. You need to be your child's ally. The world out there is mean and cruel! “Of course I'm on my child's side!” you might exclaim. But think about it for a minute. Are you?

Some parents automatically side with other grown-ups, roll their eyes at their own child's behavior, and believe it instantly when another adult criticizes or accuses their child. “Your Billy hit my Angela.” “Billy! Get over here right this moment!” (smack!). That's not right. Your child needs to know that there is at least one person in the world who believes in him, no matter what happens. That's you. If you're in a situation where you must leap to assumptions, assume your child is right. Two things will happen:

  1. You'll realize that it's true, at least 50% of the time.
  2. As your child realizes how much you trust her, she'll take care to do things to get your approval—and she'll take time to actually be right.
Words to Parent By

An ally is somebody who is on your side, who looks out for you, and who you can trust to be there when the chips are down.

An Ally Is Unconditional

Be your child's ally in good times and bad. Your child really needs to rely on you not to laugh at her, insult her, or love her less when she has done something wrong, or when she is angry, frightened, or confused. If she fears you're only “on her side” when she acts like a good kid, she'll hide, she'll pull away, and lie to you. Stay open to all aspects of your child. You are her champion for better or for worse! If you're truly her ally, she'll remain open to you.

An Ally Doesn't Always Approve

Yes, indeed, you can be somebody's ally and disapprove, be furious, or be hurt by their actions. As a matter of fact, it's part of your responsibility as an ally to help the person take responsibility for his actions (especially when you are both an ally and a parent).

The Ally's Goal: Mutual Respect

Respect, respecting, and self-respect—it's all intertwined. In order for a child to be successful, she needs to be respected and to have a sense of self-respect. In order for a child to respect you, she needs to first feel your respect. Self-respect is key to success. It's your job to help build your child's self-respect by standing up for her.

You communicate respect for your child's body and personal space, temperament, privacy, needs, and opinions by observing her carefully, listening well, and taking her seriously.

Behave Yourself!

Respect is a two-way street. If you travel the road toward your child, he'll travel the road toward you. Here are three common but disrespectful parental phrases that interfere with traffic on Respect Boulevard: “Because I say so, that's why,” “Do as I say, not as I do,” and, “Shut up.” Don't cause a traffic jam!

Kids respond when they feel respected. It's like the story of the first grader who kept talking about her new friend on the school bus—the bus driver. For days her imaginary play was filled with busses and drivers, and she looked forward to going to school and coming home on the bus every day. What was the big draw, her parents wondered. Finally they asked her what was so special about this new friend. “I like him,” the little girl said, “because he treats me like a people.”

Kids today when asked why they got into a fight often respond, “He dis'ed me,” meaning “He disrespected me.” Though kids may not themselves have a fully formed notion of just what respect means (for example, it's a two-way street, among other things), they demand respect and resent its absence. This should be a signal to parents.

Treat your kid like a “people,” and he'll return the favor.

What's hot

  • Attention Seeking Behaviors KidsHow to Handle an Attention-…
  • an age-by-age guide to teaching kids about "the birds & the bees" KidsAn Age-by-Age Guide to…
  • How to stop bullying KidsHow to Stop Bullying: Real…
  • Treating Burns KidsFirst Aid For Burns: How to…
NewslettersNewsletters
Your partner in parenting from baby name inspiration to college planning.
Family Education
FamilyEducation does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Your use of the site indicates your agreement to be bound by our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy. Information on our advertising guidelines can be found here.

FE Footer

  • Newsletter Center
  • About Us
  • Privacy Policy
  • Editorial Policy
  • Editorial Team
  • Expert Panel
  • Cookie Policy
  • Site Map
  • Contact Us
  • Advertise
  • Terms of Use
  • Do Not Sell My Info (for CA Residents)
sandbox learning logo
Family Education is part of the Sandbox Learning family of educational reference sites for parents, teachers, and students. 

factmonster logoinfoplease logoTeacherVision logo

sandbbox logo
©2022 Sandbox Networks Inc. All rights reserved. Sandbox Learning is part of Sandbox & Co., a digital learning company.