Skip to main content
FamilyEducation
FamilyEducation
Family Education

FE-Menu

  • Pregnancy
    • <blank>
      • Pregnancy Tracker
      • Trying to Conceive
      • Signs & Symptoms
      • Pregnancy Health
    • <blank>
      • Baby Names
      • High Risk Pregnancies
      • Preparing for Baby
    • <blank>
      • Concerns & Complications
      • Labor & Delivery
      • Postpartum
  • Baby Names
    • <blank>
      • Browse All Baby Names (A-Z)
      • Top Names for Boys
      • Top Names for Girls
      • Baby Name Generator
    • <blank>
      • Baby Name Lists & Ideas
      • First Names By Origin
      • Browse All Last Names (A-Z)
      • Last Names by Origin
  • Babies
    • <blank>
      • Caring For Your Baby
      • Baby's Health
      • Feeding Your Baby
    • <blank>
      • Your Baby and Sleep
      • Baby's Growth & Development
      • Baby Hygiene
    • <blank>
      • Baby Safety
      • Baby Products
    • <blank>
  • Toddlers
    • <blank>
      • Toddler Growth and Development
    • <blank>
      • Toddler Behavior and Discipline
    • <blank>
      • Your Toddler and Sleep
  • Kids
    • <blank>
      • Health
      • Childhood Development
      • Fitness & Nutrition
      • Childhood Safety
    • <blank>
      • Communicating with Your Kids
      • Childhood Behavior and Discipline
      • Fostering Responsibility
      • Instilling Values & Manners
    • <blank>
      • Childcare
      • Neurodiversity in Kids
      • Adopting Children
  • Teens
    • <blank>
      • Teen Health
      • Teen Puberty & Sex
    • <blank>
      • Behavior & Discipline
      • Teen Social Development
    • <blank>
      • Values & Responsibilities
  • Activities
    • <blank>
      • Printables
      • Indoor Activities
      • Learning Activities
      • Arts and Crafts
      • Performing Arts
      • Food Activities
      • Outdoor Activities
    • <blank>
      • Books
      • TV
      • Movies
      • Online
      • Quizzes
      • Games
      • Celebrities
    • <blank>
      • Parties
      • Travel
      • Toys
      • Holidays
      • Gifts
  • Learning
    • <blank>
      • By Grade
      • By Subject
      • College
      • Preschool
    • <blank>
      • Back to School
      • Study Skills
      • Learning Styles
    • <blank>
      • Homeschooling
      • Parental Involvement
      • Your Child's School
  • Family Life
    • <blank>
      • Mom Life
      • Dad Life
      • Family Relationships
      • Having a Healthy Marriage
      • Divorce
    • <blank>
      • Health & Fitness
      • COVID Resources
      • Managing Your Home
      • Moving Your Family
      • Pets
    • <blank>
      • Family Finances
      • Work
      • Families and Food
  • NewslettersNewsletters
    Newsletters

Breadcrumb

  1. Home
  2. Kids
  3. Adopting Children
  4. Adoption: Dealing With Genetic Differences

 

 

Adoption: Dealing with Genetic Differences

Dealing with genetic differences is usually more difficult for those outside the family.
  • facebook share icon
  • pin
  • twitter share icon
  • email share icon
  • Print page icon

Adoption: Dealing with Genetic Differences

Some adopters have difficulty accepting a child who looks very different from what they envisioned. (However, most adopters don't have a problem with the fact that their kids probably won't look much like them. The people who have the problem are usually outside the family.) Instead, it's often behavior problems that are the toughest part of parenting, whether your child enters your family by birth or adoption.

Adoptinfo

Back in 1976, Michigan researchers looked at a large sample of adoptive and nonadoptive families to see whether there were any physical similarities between parents and children. They found significant similarities between the biological parents and their children, which was no surprise. But although the significance was less, the researchers also found significant similarities in the stature and weight of the adopters and their children.

How we view ourselves and each other affects how we act and even how happy we are with each other. In 1980, researcher Lois Raynor studied adopted adults and their adoptive parents and reported her findings in The Adopted Child Comes of Age. She found that the more they saw themselves as similar to each other, the happier they were. For example,

  • Of adopted adults who said they were “very much like” their adoptive parents, 97 percent said their adoption experience was satisfactory.
  • Of adopted adults who said they were “unlike” their adoptive parents, 52 percent said their adoption experience was satisfactory.
  • Of those adoptive parents who thought their adopted children were “like” them in appearance, interests, intelligence, or personality, 97 percent were happy with the adoption experience.
  • Of those adoptive parents who thought their adopted children were “unlike” them in appearance, interests, intelligence, or personality, 62 percent were happy with the adoption experience.
Familybuilding Tips

Many adoption experts urge adopters to acknowledge and accept the differences between themselves and their children. I think this is good advice for any parent, because it helps to see your children as individuals. However, some parents go overboard and tend to concentrate on those differences. Try to do both: Acknowledge the differences and celebrate the samenesses. Achieve a balance.

The important thing to note in Raynor's study is that it did not matter whether the adopted child and adoptive parent actually seemed similar to outsiders! Adoptive parents and their children who saw similarities between each other were happier with each other, regardless of whether anyone else saw those similarities. One suspects that if a similar study were done on biological children and their parents, the happier ones would also be those who perceived similarities in each other.

Eventually adopted children do notice physical differences between themselves and their parents, whether it's their and your skin color, ethnic appearance, or some other characteristic. Your child may say that she wishes her skin was the same color as yours or that she had curly hair like yours, instead of straight hair. She will also realize (by the age of five or six) that other people notice that she doesn't look much like you.

It's best to not deny that there are differences or try to avoid the topic. Tell your child that not all biological children resemble their parents—some look very different. But do acknowledge the physical differences between you. And do realize that it is positive that your child wishes she could look like you. You might share with her that you wish she had been born from you and your spouse, but that it wasn't possible.

Remember, too, that sometimes adopted children do resemble their adoptive parents. Just because someone is not genetically “yours” doesn't mean she will have nothing in common with you.

Was this article helpful?

Thank you for your feedback.

What's hot

  • Attention Seeking Behaviors KidsHow to Handle an Attention-…
  • an age-by-age guide to teaching kids about "the birds & the bees" KidsAn Age-by-Age Guide to…
  • How to stop bullying KidsHow to Stop Bullying: Real…
  • Treating Burns KidsFirst Aid For Burns: How to…
NewslettersNewsletters
Your partner in parenting from baby name inspiration to college planning.
Family Education
FamilyEducation does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Your use of the site indicates your agreement to be bound by our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy. Information on our advertising guidelines can be found here.

FE Footer

  • Newsletter Center
  • About Us
  • Privacy Policy
  • Editorial Policy
  • Editorial Team
  • Expert Panel
  • Medical Review Policy
  • Fact-Checking Policy
  • Cookie Policy
  • Site Map
  • Contact Us
  • Advertise
  • Terms of Use
  • Do Not Sell My Info (for CA Residents)
sandbox learning logo
Family Education is part of the Sandbox Learning family of educational reference sites for parents, teachers, and students. 

factmonster logoinfoplease logoTeacherVision logo

sandbbox logo
©2022 Sandbox Networks Inc. All rights reserved. Sandbox Learning is part of Sandbox & Co., a digital learning company.