Managing Screen Time Aggression? Expert Doctor Answers

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In this column, our developmental psychologist and parenting coach offers guidance to a parent struggling with their sons' excessive screen time and the aggression that follows when limits are attempted.

How to Manage Your Children’s Screen Time

Question: “How should you manage screen time for children? I feel like my sons (10, 12, 15) are always staring at a phone, computer, or TV, and they get incredibly aggressive when I try to limit it. I'm sure I'm doing it wrong, and yes, I should have figured this out much earlier. Thank you!"

Dr. Ana’s Expert Answer

I can assure you that you are not the only one struggling with screens. I think this is something that all parents relate to. We did not grow up with screens, so as parents we don’t know how to deal with them. Let’s see what you can do.

Understand the Current Situation

I would first try to record for say, a week, how much screen time your kids are really having, when, and where they are using their screens. With this information, have a chat with them and tell them that, given the information you have recorded, they are having too much screen time, and you think that, as a family, screen rules need to be re-established.

Establish Clear Family Rules

What kind of rules should you establish? Different families have different rules, but in general, these tend to work:

Make it clear that the phone/computer/TV is yours. You pay for them, and if they don’t follow the rules you set, there will be consequences.
Make it very clear that aggressiveness is not allowed. Under no circumstances.
Set the rules: how much screen time can they have per day, when, where, and what they can do with it.
Establish the consequences. Ideally, you want to establish connected consequences. For example, if your 10-year-old can play with the computer for 30 minutes, and he plays for longer, the following day, his screen time will be reduced.
Establish the rules and be consistent. Rules should always be the same, and consequences when rules are broken should always be the same. If you have a partner, it is very important that you both agree to change the rules and that you both do the work to achieve it. Work as a team.
They should never have screens in their bedrooms at night. They must give you all the screens before going to bed.
If you have not done it yet, install parental controls and monitor what they are doing. It is not the same if your 15-year-old spends an hour playing online with friends than if he spends an hour watching porn. Screen time is important, but it is also important what they are doing with the screens and what they are not doing because they are with the screen. Ideally, you want your sons to find a balance between homework, sports, time with friends and family, and screens.

Stay Firm and Consistent

Your sons will resist. They won’t want you to change the rules, but remember that it is never too late to change the rules and that you are the parent, you are in charge. It is important that they understand why you are changing the rules because they are more likely to follow them, but if they refuse, it is perfectly fine for you say: “I am sorry if you don’t understand the new rules, but I am your mothe,r and because I love you, I am doing what is best for you”.

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Regards,

Ana

Dr Ana Aznar

How Do I Set Screen Time Rules for My Child?

Start by tracking your child's current usage to get a clear picture. Then, hold a family meeting to discuss new rules. Clearly define how much screen time is allowed daily, when and where devices can be used, and what content is appropriate. Establish clear, connected consequences for breaking the rules and ensure you and your partner enforce them consistently as a team.

How Do You Handle a Child Who Is Aggressive About Screen Time?

Make it an absolute rule that aggression is unacceptable. Communicate that this behavior will have immediate consequences, such as losing screen time privileges. It’s vital to stay calm but firm. The goal is to teach them that aggression is not a tool to get what they want. You are the parent, and you set the boundaries for a safe and respectful home environment.

Should Kids Be Allowed to Have Phones in Their Room at Night?

No, children and teens should not have screens in their bedrooms overnight. This rule is crucial for ensuring they get adequate sleep, which is vital for their physical and mental health. Create a central charging station in a common area of the house where all devices are docked before bedtime. This helps reduce temptation and promotes healthier sleep hygiene for the whole family.

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Do you have any parenting questions for our parenting coach and expert, Dr. Ana Aznar? Ask for free today!