Ask Dr Ana: How Can I Communicate Better With My Child’s Teachers?

In our Ask Dr Ana series, Dr. Ana Aznar answers real questions from parents with practical, evidence-based advice. Dr. Ana Aznar is the founder of REC Parenting and a psychologist who specializes in parenting, family relationships, and children’s socioemotional development. Parents can also submit their own questions for free expert parenting advice.

Parent’s question

“My wife and I find it very difficult to communicate with our kids’ teachers. We continually feel passed over and invalidated when we bring up concerns or questions. We’re young parents, and very liberal ones in an unfortunately fairly conservative school, but have no other school option in our area. We are still struggling to speak up for ourselves and be taken seriously. Thanks very much.”

Dr Ana’s answer

I think that as a principle, parents should work as a team with the school. When parents and school are aligned and work together to support the child, this benefits the child immensely. Having said this, no school is perfect and it is frequent for parents and teachers to disagree.

I am not sure about the nature of the issues you are having but if you do not feel supported nor taken seriously, you should let the teachers know. If you feel that this doesn’t take you anywhere, you could talk to the principal. Make a list of the things you are not happy with and tell him in a constructive and non-confrontational way.

You also need to consider if your disagreements can be resolved. You mention that you are very liberal and the school is quite conservative. If that is the case, consider whether you are disagreeing about fundamental aspects of school life that won’t change no matter what, or if you disagree about issues that are not that important. If your values fundamentally clash with the school’s values, it will be difficult for you to achieve major changes.

How parents can communicate concerns to teachers

Parent-teacher communication works best when both sides feel they are working toward the same goal: supporting the child.

That does not mean parents and teachers will always agree. Schools are not perfect, and parents may sometimes feel ignored, judged, or dismissed.

If you feel your concerns are not being taken seriously, try to make the conversation as clear and specific as possible.

Rather than saying, “You never listen to us,” it may help to say:

• “We raised this concern before and do not feel it has been addressed.”

• “Can you help us understand what steps are being taken?”

• “Can we agree on how this will be followed up?”

• “We would like to work together, but we are finding communication difficult.”

If conversations feel emotional or unproductive, put your concerns in writing. A short email can help you organize your thoughts and create a clear record.

Include:

• The concern

• Any relevant examples

• How it is affecting your child

• What you are asking for

• Whether you would like a meeting

If this does not help, speaking to the principal or headteacher may be the next step.

It is also worth thinking about whether the disagreement is practical or values-based. Some problems can be improved with better communication. Others may reflect a deeper clash between your family’s values and the school’s culture.

If the disagreement is fundamental, major change may be difficult. In that case, focus on the areas where you can still advocate effectively for your child.

Dr Ana Aznar’s parenting expertise

Dr. Ana Aznar has a BA in Psychology from The Open University, UK, an MSc in Applied Child Psychology from Kingston University, UK, and a PhD in Developmental Psychology from Kingston University, UK. She conducts research on parenting, family relations, and children’s socioemotional development.

Parent-teacher communication FAQs

How can I communicate better with my child’s teacher?

Keep your message calm, specific, and focused on your child. Explain the concern, give examples, and ask for a clear next step.

What should I do if a teacher dismisses my concerns?

Try putting your concerns in writing. If the issue continues, ask for a meeting or speak to the principal or headteacher.

How do I advocate for my child without sounding difficult?

Use constructive language. Make it clear that you want to work with the school, while still being honest about your concerns.

When should I escalate a school concern?

If you have already spoken to the teacher and the issue has not been addressed, it may be time to contact school leadership.

Do you have any parenting questions for our parenting coach and expert, Dr. Ana Aznar? Ask for free today!