Managing Back-to-School With a Special Needs Child

By mid-August, or even by the start of August, school supplies have begun appearing in stores, and suddenly your thoughts turn to those emotionally charged words: back to school.

All parents go through this end-of-summer transition. However, if your child has special needs or a disability, whether visible or not, this period may bring additional worries: will the school be accessible? What kind of support will be offered? Will they understand my child?

During my 25 years in special education, I’ve supported many parents through this stage. Here are a few tips to help you prepare for the back-to-school transition with your special needs child. 

Step 1: Normalize School

My first tip is to try not to let your child see that you’re worried. When you take them to school, act normally, just like you would with other big moments in their life. After your child has gone in, take the time to ask staff any questions you may have, and let yourself fully feel your emotions.

Whether this is the first or the tenth time your child has started a new school year, or if the last school year was a particularly difficult one, it's essential to show them that school is a fact of life, regardless of your child's situation or needs.

That said, there are practical ways to prepare your child for going back to school, to ease the challenges that come with this transition. 

Step 2: Adapt Your Routine and Prepare

Before school starts, it can be helpful to let your child experience a bit of boredom, to make sure they're getting enough sleep, and to gradually get back into a morning routine, especially for young children. This will ease the transition from summer rhythms to the more structured school schedule.

If you manage to find a good time over the summer, chat to your child about your positive memories of school, and mention some of the challenges you had to overcome. Depending on the hurdles your child may face due to their disability, try to think of memories that could reassure them. I remember a young student who was starting school and who told me her dad also had ADHD, which was why they both liked going running.

The end of summer is not really the time to go to the dentist or to visit Uncle George. Try to limit non-essential activities, since children with special needs often tire more easily and accumulate more emotional strain than other children. It's important to keep things light in the days leading up to the start of school. 

Establishing a routine for the first week can also help reduce stress and make this period more manageable.

Here are a few ideas: 

• Choose some comforting meals together (no experimenting with that weird new mushroom recipe your friend recommended). 
• Decide on a good spot to take a picture on the first day. 
• Choose lunches in advance. 
• Get any adapted materials ready, if necessary, with your child. 
• Ask your child to pick an activity they would really enjoy just before they go back to school, and tell them it's to help them feel their best when school starts. This could be a massage for an anxious child or a physical activity for a hyperactive one.

Step 3: Anticipate and Reassure

Tuning in to your child’s needs and preferences and setting up a comforting routine can make the return to school more motivating.

Even so, listen to any worries your child may have, and help them identify which ones they don't have any control over, for example: Will I make any friends? Will the teacher be nice? Will people laugh at me because of my disability?; and which ones they can prepare for, such as: what will I have for lunch? Who will come to pick me up? What do I do if I don't feel well?

Try responding to their questions with a simple, accurate answer, especially those relating to their disability. When their worries are normal, but potentially the source of anxiety, help them accept that the unknown is a normal part of life. Validate their emotions and concerns without unintentionally making them worse. 

Step 4: Talk to the School

Depending on your child's needs, you may need to talk to the teacher early on. You can often have a meeting with them or a private tour of the classroom before the first day of school. 

Similarly, if your child has any special hygiene needs or unusual behaviors, it's important to let the school staff know so that everyone is aware of them from day one. Also, think about dealing with any specific elements your child might need, such as who will change their hearing aid battery or give them their medication.

Small gestures, like leaving a stuffed toy on their desk, giving them a sensory item, or helping them find their locker in high school, can help reassure your child and avoid cognitive overload during the first few days at school.

When your child has an invisible disability, it’s also important to decide whether you want to tell people about their diagnosis or not. This is a personal choice, but bear in mind that the more the school staff understand their needs, the more appropriate their interventions will be. 

Step 5: Care for Yourself and Encourage Independence

Whatever your child’s diagnosis, it’s normal for them to face significant challenges, and as a parent, you may feel helpless and experience strong emotions.  

When they go back to school, a child with special needs may become more emotional, feel more tired, or need time to unwind when they come home, and this might leave you feeling discouraged. All this is part of their journey. Be patient, it’s completely normal.

Don’t compare their experience to anyone else's, and instead focus on the progress they're making at their own pace. This approach allows you to celebrate any small, everyday wins.

Trust your child and listen to the needs they express. I remember a young girl in a wheelchair who wanted to move from her wheelchair to a regular seat unassisted, but her parent said no, as they were worried she might hurt herself. In the end, the technician who looked after the girl insisted on her doing it independently, because she believed that it was no more dangerous than a child running around in the schoolyard. Gaining more independence meant that the child had fewer outbursts of frustration after recess, and she was more ready to learn.

The parents’ fear was understandable, but the child’s need to gain more independence was just as valid. As anyone with a disability knows, being able to do things themselves is a basic necessity.

If you feel you need support, don’t wait. You may find that talking to other families going through the same challenges can help. There are support groups and organizations that focus on the issues children face. Lots of parents have told me that these conversations have helped them a lot. 

Don't be afraid to ask for professional help, but keep in mind that there may be long wait times and some services come with a fee. 

Step 6: Encourage Small Steps

No matter what happens when they return to school, encourage your child to be independent and congratulate them on their small successes: they went to school with a smile on their face, they ate their lunch, they brought you back a (clearly amazing) drawing, they stayed calm when something was making them feel anxious, or they completed their artwork even though they hate it and they feel awkward.

Every time they go back to school, they enter a new stage in their development. Every small step and every small gesture can make a huge difference. The more your child is confronted with their disability at school, the more important it is to recognize their efforts or the extra things they have to deal with throughout the day. An autistic child, for example, may find a field trip far more demanding than a neurotypical child. Talking about this with your child may help them get a better understanding of what they are experiencing.

Celebrate your child's strengths without overly sugarcoating reality: school is a world apart, and is sometimes imperfect and unpredictable, but they will learn to adapt at their own pace. Your support plays a vital role, even if the impact is only seen later in their journey.

And above all, don't be afraid to ask for help and don't forget to take care of yourself. I know I’m repeating myself, but it's important. Having a child with special needs can also create unique needs for their parents (such as a sense of isolation), and this must be acknowledged by those around you and by professionals.

And finally, here's a piece of advice from a mom of three: Make the most of the discounts on school supplies at the start of the summer vacation. 

Enjoy the start of the next school year! 

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