Sharenting: Considerations for Parents Who Like to Post

Did you know the majority of babies born today have an online presence before they even get their first tooth? From crawling to walking, from their first birthday cake smash to their “Sweet-16”, many will go on to have their whole life digitally documented for them on social media. This is known as “sharenting” (sharing + parenting) and it refers to the growing phenomenon of parents who post aspects of their children's lives on social media, including: photos, videos, and personal information - usually without their child’s consent. Of course, parents don’t engage in sharenting ill-intentionally. Many do it to connect with others, keep close friends and family up-to-date, celebrate achievements, and document milestones. In fact, sharenting has become a social norm, and as with most norms, we tend to participate because everyone’s doing it. However, there are some new insights coming from the first generation of children who have grown up under these “sharents”, and we are learning that these now-teenagers are not completely fond of their parent’s sharenting habits, and they are bringing awareness to some new considerations.

Consideration #1: Digital Identity

Digital identity refers to all the information that exists about a person online, and it plays a key role in shaping how others perceive us. This means that with every post, picture, and story shared, parents are creating an image on their child’s behalf. Sometimes these identities are in-line with who they are today, and sometimes they are not.

Take Sarah, for example. Sarah is 15 years old and going into grade nine. Sarah’s mom is active on social media, including Facebook and Instagram, and has shared all aspects of Sarah's life online from the time she was born. Unfortunately, there was a time in Sarah’s life during her pre-pubescent years when she had a hard time shedding her ‘baby weight’. It was a time when she was teased and made fun of, and as a result, had a hard time making friends due to low self-esteem. Sarah has since outgrown that stage of life, but that digital identity is hard to shed. She has since asked her mom to un-tag her from photos and delete pictures from that awkward stage of life. Now that Sarah is entering high school, she looks forward to starting a new chapter with a fresh new image and doesn’t want these memories popping up in her feed for new friends to see.

And Sarah is not alone. The complexities of having both a real-life and digital identity to navigate can be very challenging for today’s youth. This can be exacerbated for those who identify as non-binary, for example, and were perhaps never comfortable with their gendered identity growing up. Adolescence is a crucial time for developing a sense of self and today’s youth are more open than previous generations to exploring multiple identities. Digital identities that don’t accurately represent how a person wants to be perceived by others can negatively impact one’s mental health. It can also lead to bullying and cyberbullying.

Not surprisingly, adolescents are more likely to approve of their parents’ sharenting behavior if they feel as though they are being portrayed positively and accurately. Unfortunately, there is no way to know how our sharenting behaviors of today might affect our children down the road. Nor can we be sure who might be interested in learning more about our children as they age. Today, it is commonplace for employers to Google potential employees to learn more about them and make sure they are in line with the company’s brand and values… just one more consideration related to digital identity.

Consideration #2: Privacy and Safety

Next, we need to consider the privacy and safety implications of sharenting. A (2018) BBC article stated that Barclays bank estimates that by 2030, nearly two-thirds of identity fraud cases and data theft are going to affect today's children as a result of sharenting. And with lack of privacy comes lack of safety. In very extreme cases, sharenting may lead to child luring or sexual exploitation.

There are, however, three main things that parents can do to make sure they stay one step ahead of the possible risks and dangers.

• Minimize the amount of personal information that is shared online. In the age of data breaches, the more information that is shared (such as birth dates, pets, schools, and street names) the more predators and hackers can learn. Also avoid using personal information when creating passwords or answers to personal identification questions, as it makes it an easy guess for fraudsters to access.
• Utilize privacy settings. Although the majority of parents set privacy controls, there still remains a large percentage of those who don’t. It is important to set parameters and only share with people you know and trust. Regularly scan your list of connections and delete anyone that you feel might pose a threat.
• Be the gatekeeper. Be clear to others on what (and what they are not) allowed to post. Keep in mind, if your friend or family members post pictures of your children, you can not control their privacy settings, which means you do not know who is gaining access to information about your child. Don’t be afraid to say no to those who want to post a picture or ask them to ‘blur the face’ so your child is not identifiable. If necessary, ask them to delete a photo or video that is already posted. Relaying your preferences to others allows you to be the gatekeeper and sets clear boundaries on your child’s behalf.

In Conclusion

Remember, it is never too early to discuss with, and involve, children in conversations surrounding privacy and sharing online. And while the motivation behind sharenting comes from a good place, it is important to weigh it against the long-term implications of having a widespread digital footprint that may be difficult (if not impossible) to erase in the future. With a bit of awareness and attention to the potential risks, parents can play an active role in keeping children and teens safe, both now and in the future.

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