Maintaining Your Psychological Balance in Post-Partum

People usually imagine the arrival of a baby as a happy and very much anticipated event. But it often happens that expecting parents will feel differently and instead feel overwhelmed. Some will experience anxiety while others will experience varying degrees of depression. 

The birth of a child is stressful even if it’s a positive event. You’re taking on a new role and all the significant responsibilities that come with taking care of a baby who you’re gradually getting to know. 

From Baby Blues to Depression

Significant hormonal changes in women, combined with lack of sleep and the reality of responsibilities related to the birth of a baby can lead to a temporary depression in 60 to 80% of cases. This mix of joy and feelings of incompetence, being overwhelmed, and losing control is short-lived and often occurs around 2-3 weeks after childbirth. But for some people, these symptoms can persist and intensify, evolving into postnatal depression. Symptoms include sadness, fatigue, lack of energy, loss of interest, depression, sleep disturbances, and loss of appetite that remain present continuously and last more than two weeks. As these are common symptoms in the postpartum period due to adaptation and the possibility of anemia and hypothyroidism, it’s important to discuss them with your physician. 

The other parent can also be affected and experience symptoms of fatigue or demonstrate irritability, mood swings, and even aggressive behaviors, as well as difficulties adapting that can lead to using coping mechanisms such as alcohol, drugs, and overworking. 

Preparing for Changes Before Birth

Rest assured, there are ways to prepare mentally for the arrival of a baby. Good physical and mental preparation for childbirth can help: 

• Express your feelings: talk about fears and anxieties surrounding pregnancy and the baby, connect with other pregnant women through a prenatal group, and share your feelings with loved ones (mother, grandmother, friends, etc.). 
• Mentally prepare for childbirth by making a birth plan and allowing for different possible scenarios, not just the ideal one. Read about pregnancy, childbirth, and the postpartum period. 
• Rest up: it's usually around the 7th month of pregnancy that fatigue, difficulty moving, and general slowing down set in. Rest is necessary, and accepting it is not easy for everyone. Taking naps during the day, reducing workload, and accepting that not everything needs to be done in a day can all help. Maybe your loved ones (parents, family, friends) can come to help take care of the daily tasks like cleaning, laundry, cooking, and outdoor maintenance. But also, in preparing for the baby's arrival: freezing meals, organizing baby clothes, preparing the nursery, etc. 
• Start prenatal relaxation exercises; yoga, meditation, mindfulness, hypnobirthing, massages, etc. 
• Stay physically active: take a walk, get fresh air, find an aqua fitness class, do some pregnancy-specific stretches, etc. 

In short, everything and anything that allows you to take care of your body and mind in terms of thoughts and emotions. 

Upon the Baby’s Arrival

There are some things you can do as a couple to navigate the transition after the birth:  

• Foster a happy marital situation; hence the importance of taking care of the couple before the baby arrives. Find ways to resolve conflicts, otherwise seek professional help  (psychologist, social worker, marital therapist). 
• Seek support from relatives, whether it be for meals, household tasks, baby breaks, a helping hand for a crying baby, care, or outings with other children in the family. 
• Find a listening ear; surround yourself with friends, family members, or healthcare providers who can listen with respect, and provide psychological support in the presence of unpleasant emotions. 
• Encourage each other in your parenting skills to understand and care for the baby. 
• Reduce social media presence to avoid comparison and remain present with yourself and the baby. 
• Find activities that help break the isolation: postnatal yoga, postnatal aqua fitness, stroller cardio, parent-child cafes, animation workshops, etc. 
• Work on accepting imperfections, not being in control all the time, and accepting that life will be different with a baby. 
• If the birth was traumatic, don’t hesitate to seek help from a psychotherapist, as it will have a significant impact on the mother, father, couple, and baby. 

What To Do When Things Aren’t Going Well

The problem with depressed individuals, whether mother or father, is that they often don’t ask for help for fear of being judged by others and risking undermining their sense of parental competence. Therefore, their support system should be proactive in offering help or suggesting assistance, whether it be respite, ready-made meals, babysitting, cleaning, etc. But also suggest external resources: local community services, Postpartum Support, breastfeeding centers, psychologists, parent-baby cafes, and postnatal groups. This will help parents feel less alone in what they are going through. The main objective is that they don’t remain stuck suffering and feel comfortable saying that things are not going well. 

Accepting that a mother or father in the postpartum period may suffer and not be in absolute joy is already a first step. The support system will be better able to see and hear when things are not going well. Being there for the couple, caring for them, showing them small acts of kindness, and considering what they want and need will be very helpful. Whether through small gestures or supportive words such as “You may be going through a difficult time, but we know it will pass, you are not alone”. 

Becoming a parent is one of the biggest transitions in a person's life. It’s destabilizing and brings a mix of different and intense feelings, from joy to depression. Allowing yourself to experience them and being supported on different levels allows for a better experience of this beautiful transition. 

"Every parent is born at the same time as their first child." Ernst Kramer

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