REC Parenting

Ask Dr. Ana: Why is My 3-Year-Old So Out of Control with Tantrums?

A concerned parent asks Dr. Ana for advice on managing their 3-year-old's uncontrollable tantrums, and Dr. Ana provides expert guidance on understanding, preventing, and responding to these challenging behaviors.

Handling Uncontrollable Tantrums In 3-Year-Olds

Question: "Help! My 3-year-old is out of control. Throws a fit at everything, angry, upset, uncontrollable."

Parenting Advice: Advice for New Parents

Announce that you are expecting a baby and get prepared to receive advice. A lot of it. A lot of it will be unsolicited advice. Everyone has an opinion on parenting. Get ready! 

You must decide which advice to listen to and which to ditch. You must decide who to listen to and who to ignore. As a child psychologist and as a mum of four, here are the 12 parenting advice tips that I strongly believe that every parent should be aware of.  

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[1] Ramaekers, S., Suissa, J. (2012). Good Enough Parenting?. In: The Claims of Parenting. Contemporary Philosophies and Theories in Education, vol 4. Springer, Dordrecht. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-94-007-2251-4_4.

[2] Orchard, E. R., Rutherford, H. J., Holmes, A. J., & Jamadar, S. D. (2023). Matrescence: lifetime impact of motherhood on cognition and the brain. Trends in cognitive sciences, 27(3), 302-316. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.tics.2022.12.002.

[3] Suls, J., Martin, R., & Wheeler, L. (2002). Social comparison: Why, with whom, and with what effect?. Current directions in psychological science, 11(5), 159-163. https://doi.org/10.1111/1467-8721.00191.

[4] Featherstone, B., & Hollway, W. (Eds.). (2002). Mothering and ambivalence. Routledge. 

[5] Cichy, K. E., Lefkowitz, E. S., Davis, E. M., & Fingerman, K. L. (2013). “You are such a disappointment!”: Negative emotions and parents’ perceptions of adult children’s lack of success. Journals of Gerontology Series B: Psychological Sciences and Social Sciences, 68(6), 893-901. 

[6] Nowland, R., Thomson, G., McNally, L., Smith, T., & Whittaker, K. (2021). Experiencing loneliness in parenthood: a scoping review. Perspectives in public health, 141(4), 214-225. https://doi.org/10.1177/17579139211018243.

[7] Glatz, T., & Lippold, M. A. (2023). Is more information always better? Associations among parents’ online information searching, information overload, and self-efficacy. International Journal of Behavioral Development, 47(5), 444-453. https://doi.org/10.1177/01650254231190883.

Advantages and Disadvantages of Growing Up in a Same-Sex Family

June is Pride month. We would like to take the opportunity to talk about the development of children living in LGBTQ+ families.

To do this, we are lucky to have Professor Susan Golombok as a REC Parenting expert. A pioneer in the subject, Professor Golombok has been studying same-sex families since the 1970s. More recently, she has also been studying children living in trans families.

Let’s have a look at what the research says.

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[1] Stevens, M., Perry, B., Burston, A., Golombok, S., & Golding, J. (2003). Openness in lesbian-mother families regarding mother's sexual orientation and child's conception by donor insemination. Journal of reproductive and infant psychology, 21(4), 347-362. https://doi.org/10.1080/02646830310001622141  

[2] Golombok, S., Blake, L., Slutsky, J., Raffanello, E., Roman, G. D., & Ehrhardt, A. (2018). Parenting and the adjustment of children born to gay fathers through surrogacy. Child Development, 89(4), 1223-1233. DOI: 10.1111/cdev.12728  

[3] Golombok, S., Mellish, L., Jennings, S., Casey, P., Tasker, F., & Lamb, M. E. (2014). Adoptive gay father families: Parent–child relationships and children's psychological adjustment. Child development, 85(2), 456-468. DOI: 10.1111/cdev.12155  

[4] Farr, R. H., Bruun, S. T., & Patterson, C. J. (2019). Longitudinal associations between coparenting and child adjustment among lesbian, gay, and heterosexual adoptive parent families. Developmental psychology, 55(12), 2547. https://doi.org/10.1037/dev0000828  

[5] Imrie, S., Zadeh, S., Wylie, K., & Golombok, S. (2020). Children with Trans Parents: Parent–Child Relationship Quality and Psychological Well-being. Parenting, 21(3), 185–215. https://doi.org/10.1080/15295192.2020.1792194  

[6] Patterson, C. J. (2017). Parents' sexual orientation and children's development. Child Development Perspectives, 11(1), 45-49. https://doi.org/10.1111/cdep.12207  

[7] Imrie, S., & Golombok, S. (2020). Impact of new family forms on parenting and child development. Annual Review of Developmental Psychology, 2, 295-316. https://doi.o 

[8] Green, R. J., Rubio, R. J., Rothblum, E. D., Bergman, K., & Katuzny, K. E. (2019). Gay fathers by surrogacy: Prejudice, parenting, and well-being of female and male children. Psychology of Sexual Orientation and Gender Diversity, 6(3), 269. http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/sgd0000325 

Reward Systems for Children: How Do They Work?

Rewards systems are used to encourage good behaviour in toddlers, children, and teenagers, or to help them acquire a new skill (e.g., using the potty). Ultimately, rewards systems aim to boost children’s motivation. The question is: Do they work? 

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[1] Deci, E. L., Ryan, R. M., & Koestner, R. (2001). The Pervasive Negative Effects of Rewards on Intrinsic Motivation: Response to. Review of Educational Research, 71(1), 43-51. https://doi.org/10.3102/00346543071001043 

[2] Ryan, R. M., & Deci, E. L. (2000). Intrinsic and extrinsic motivations: Classic definitions and new directions. Contemporary Educational Psychology, 25 (1), 54-67. 

[3] Deci, E.L. (1971). Effects of externally mediated rewards on intrinsic motivation. Journl of Personality and Social Psychology, 18(1), 105-115. 

[4] Henderlong, J., & Lepper, M. R. (2002). The effects of praise on children’s intrinsic motivation: A review and synthesis. Psychological Bulletin, 128(5), 774–795. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-2909.128.5.774 

[5] Joussemet, M., Koestner, R., Lekes, N., & Houlfort, N. (2003). Introducing uninteresting tasks to children: A comparison of tge effects oif rewards and autonomy and support. Journal of Personality, 72(1), 139-166. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.0022-3506.2004.00259.x 

[6] Kiken, L. G., & Shook, N. J. (2011). Looking up: Mindfulness increases positive judgments and reduces negativity bias. Social Psychological and Personality Science, 2(4), 425-431. 

[7] Yeager, D. S., & Dweck, C. S. (2020). What can be learned from growth mindset controversies?. American psychologist, 75(9), 1269. https://doi.org/10.1037/amp0000794 

[8] Senn, L. P., Bayles, M. W., & Bruzek, J. L. (2020). An evaluation of praise as a reinforcer for preschoolers’ behavior. Journal of Applied Behavior Analysis, 53(1), 315-330. https://doi.org/10.1002/jaba.591 

[9] Taylor, L. M., Hume, I. R., & Welsh, N. (2010). Labelling and self‐esteem: the impact of using specific vs. generic labels. Educational Psychology, 30(2), 191-202. https://doi.org/10.1080/01443410903494478 

[10] Payne, G., Taylor, R., Hayne, H., & Scarf, D. (2015). Mental time travel for self and other in three- and four-year-old children. Memory, 23(5), 675–682. https://doi.org/10.1080/09658211.2014.921310 

Who Mothers the New Mother?

 Typically, women receive all the attention and medical care while pregnant. But once the baby is born…. All the attention and medical care goes to the baby, leaving the new mother more or less ignored.

Indeed, a new report just published shows that only 23% of mothers said they felt very supported by their healthcare provided during the postpartum phase. 

What Is Parental Burnout?

Parental burnout is not the ‘typical’ parenting stress. Feeling stress is ‘normal’, common and even necessary. 

Parental burnout is something else. It happens when parenting stress impedes parents to cope. When parents lack the resources needed to handle their parenting demands, they may develop parental burnout.

It is characterized by three main features: 

Permissive Parenting Style: What Is It All About?

Psychologists Baumrind, Maccoby and Martin quoted the four main parenting styles based on the degree to which parents are responsive and set limits to their children.

These four parenting styles are: Authoritarian, Authoritative, Permissive, and Neglectful.[1]

Authoritative parenting is the gold standard of parenting. In contrast, authoritarian, permissive, and neglectful parenting are not that good for children.

In this article we are going to explore permissive parenting and how it relates to children’s development.

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[1] Kuppens, S., Ceulemans, E. Parenting Styles: A Closer Look at a Well-Known Concept. J Child Fam Stud 28, 168–181 (2019). https://doi.org/10.1007/s10826-018-1242-x 

[2] Wischerth, G. A., Mulvaney, M. K., Brackett, M. A., & Perkins, D. (2016). The Adverse Influence of Permissive Parenting on Personal Growth and the Mediating Role of Emotional Intelligence. The Journal of Genetic Psychology, 177(5), 185–189. https://doi.org/10.1080/00221325.2016.1224223 

[3] Rose, J., Roman, N., Mwaba, K., & Ismail, K. (2018). The relationship between parenting and internalizing behaviours of children: A systematic review. Early Child Development and Care, 188(10), 1468-1486. https://doi.org/10.1080/03004430.2016.1269762

[4] Wischerth, G. A., Mulvaney, M. K., Brackett, M. A., & Perkins, D. (2016). The Adverse Influence of Permissive Parenting on Personal Growth and the Mediating Role of Emotional Intelligence. The Journal of Genetic Psychology, 177(5), 185–189. https://doi.org/10.1080/00221325.2016.1224223 

[5] Hinnant, J.B., Erath, S.A., Tu, K.M. et al. Permissive Parenting, Deviant Peer Affiliations, and Delinquent Behavior in Adolescence: the Moderating Role of Sympathetic Nervous System Reactivity. J Abnorm Child Psychol 44, 1071–1081 (2016). https://doi.org/10.1007/s10802-015-0114-8 

[6] Aznar, A., Sowden, P., Bayless, S., Ross, K., Warhurst, A., & Pachi, D. (2021). Home-schooling during COVID-19 lockdown: Effects of coping style, home space, and everyday creativity on stress and home-schooling outcomes. Couple and Family Psychology: Research and Practice, 10(4), 294–312. https://doi.org/10.1037/cfp0000182 

[7] Garcia, F., & Gracia, E. (2009). Is always authoritative the optimum parenting style? Evidence from Spanish families. Adolescence, 44(173), 101-131. 

[8] Neece, C.L., Chan, N. (2017). The Stress of Parenting Children with Developmental Disabilities. In: Deater-Deckard, K., Panneton, R. (eds) Parental Stress and Early Child Development. Springer, Cham. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-319-55376-4_5 

[9] Woolfson, L., & Grant, E. (2006). Authoritative parenting and parental stress in parents of pre‐school and older children with developmental disabilities. Child: care, health and development, 32(2), 177-184. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1365-2214.2006.00603.x 

Baby Sign Language: Discover the Science Behind It

Baby sign language is a set of hand gestures and movements (known as signs) used by parents and babies to refer to common words.[1] It’s a tool to improve communication between parents and babies who can hear but cannot yet talk. Babies usually stop signing once they can speak.

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[1] Mueller, V., Sepulveda, A., & Rodriguez, S. (2014). The effects of baby sign training on child development. Early Child Development and Care, 184(8), 1178-1191. https://doi.org/10.1080/03004430.2013.854780  

[2] Howard, L. E., & Doherty-Sneddon, G. (2014). How HANDy are baby signs? A commentary on a systematic review of the impact of gestural communication on typically developing, hearing infants under the age of 36 months. First Language, 34(6), 510-515. https://doi.org/10.1177/0142723714561342 

[3] Nelson, L. H., White, K. R., & Grewe, J. (2012). Evidence for website claims about the benefits of teaching sign language to infants and toddlers with normal hearing. Infant and Child Development, 21(5), 474-502. 

[4] Doherty-Sneddon, G. (2008). The great baby signing debate: Academia meets public interest. The Psychologist, 21(4), 300-303. 

[5] Goodwyn, S.W., Acredolo, L.P. & Brown, C.A. Impact of Symbolic Gesturing on Early Language Development. Journal of Nonverbal Behavior 24, 81–103 (2000). https://doi.org/10.1023/A:1006653828895 

[6] Fitzpatrick, E. M., Thibert, J., Grandpierre, V., & Johnston, J. C. (2014). How HANDy are baby signs? A systematic review of the impact of gestural communication on typically developing, hearing infants under the age of 36 months. First Language, 34(6), 486-509. https://doi.org/10.1177/0142723714562864 

Authoritarian Parenting: What Is It All About?

Authoritarian parenting style is, with authoritative, permissive, and neglectful, one of the four traditional parenting styles. These four parenting styles were first quoted by psychologists Baumrid, Maccoby, and Martin, after observing thousands of parents and children.  

Authoritative parenting is the gold standard of parenting. In contrast, authoritarian, permissive, and neglectful parenting are not that good for children.  

Let’s have a look at authoritarian parenting and how it relates to children’s development.  

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[1] Camisasca, E., Miragoli, S., Di Blasio, P., & Feinberg, M. (2022]. Pathways among negative co-parenting, parenting stress, authoritarian parenting style, and child adjustment: The Emotional Dysregulation Driven Model. Journal of Child and Family Studies, 31(11), 3085–3096. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10826-022-02408-9 

[2] Carroll, P. (2021). Effectiveness of positive discipline parenting program on parenting style, and child adaptive behavior. Child Psychiatry & Human Development, 53(6), 1349–1358. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10578-021-01201-x 

[3] Smetana, J. G. (2017a). Current research on parenting styles, dimensions, and beliefs. Current Opinion in Psychology, 15, 19–25. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.copsyc.2017.02.012 

[4] Smetana, J. G. (1994). Parenting styles and beliefs about Parental Authority. New Directions for Child and Adolescent Development, 1994(66), 21–36. https://doi.org/10.1002/cd.23219946604 

[5] Lavrič, M., & Naterer, A. (2020). The power of authoritative parenting: A cross-national study of effects of exposure to different parenting styles on Life Satisfaction. Children and Youth Services Review, 116, 105274. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.childyouth.2020.105274 

[6] Robichaud, J.-M., Mageau, G. A., Soenens, B., Mabbe, E., Kil, H., Frenette, J., & Roy, M. (2024). Should parents combine reasoning with firm control to nurture adolescent socialization? comparing logical consequences with mild punishments. Canadian Journal of Behavioural Science / Revue Canadienne Des Sciences Du Comportement. https://doi.org/10.1037/cbs0000409 

[7] Chao, R. K. (1994). Beyond Parental Control and authoritarian parenting style: Understanding Chinese parenting through the cultural notion of training. Child Development, 65(4), 1111–1119. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-8624.1994.tb00806.x 

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