Dr. Ana Aznar
Table of contents
A reader shares her feelings of dread and "cold feet" during her second trimester, wondering if her experience is normal. Dr. Ana explains the psychological process of becoming a mother, known as "matrescence," and reassures the reader that her feelings are valid.
Is It Normal to Have Cold Feet During Pregnancy?
Question: “I am 5 months pregnant right now and struggling. I was very excited to have a baby at first, but now I'd say that I have mid-pregnancy cold feet. So many other moms I'm friends with find this the best time of their lives and are so happy and excited and nesting, while I'm just dreading it all. What's wrong with me?”
Dr. Ana’s Expert Answer
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Becoming a mother is a massive change, and it is totally normal to go through phases of euphoria, fear, panic, happiness, and everything in between.
Why You Shouldn't Compare Your Pregnancy Journey
The problem is that because it is not socially acceptable to admit that you may be having negative feelings around motherhood, we don’t talk about it, and because we don’t talk about it, we feel that there is something wrong with us. Not at all.
Whatever you are feeling, it is fine. The important thing is that you allow these negative feelings, that you acknowledge them, and if you can, share them with someone who gets it.
Understanding Matrescence: The Process of Becoming a Mother
You are going through a process called matrescence. This is the process of becoming a mother, and unfortunately, it is still a process that is not well understood, nor talked about. I feel very passionate about spreading the word around matrescence, and I coach women who are going through this process. Let me know if you are interested.
Here are a few articles that will help you understand better what you are going through:
- Matrescence: Are We Finally Understanding Motherhood?
- Who Mothers the New Mother?
- How to Survive a Newborn? It Is So Hard!
I hope this helps! I wish you all the best.
Regards,
Ana
Is It Normal to Have Negative Feelings During Pregnancy?
Yes, it is completely normal to experience negative feelings during pregnancy. The journey to motherhood is a significant life change that can bring a mix of emotions, including fear, panic, and dread, alongside happiness and excitement. Society often pressures expectant mothers to feel only positive emotions, which can lead to guilt, but it’s important to acknowledge and accept all your feelings as valid.
What Is Matrescence?
Matrescence is the term for the developmental process of becoming a mother, similar to adolescence. It involves profound physical, psychological, and emotional changes. Unfortunately, this transition is not widely discussed, which can make mothers feel isolated. Understanding matrescence can help you recognize that your complex feelings are a normal part of this transformative journey.
How Can I Cope With Pregnancy Anxiety?
Acknowledge your negative feelings without judgment and understand that they are a normal part of the process. Sharing your emotions with a trusted friend, partner, or support group can be incredibly helpful. Educating yourself about the process of matrescence can also provide comfort and validation. If feelings of anxiety or dread persist, consider seeking support from a parenting coach or therapist.
For more information, check out these popular topics:
- How Can I Prepare to Be a First-Time Father?
- Can Couples Therapy Help Us Reconnect After the Stress of a Newborn?
- Could My Childhood Trauma Make Me an Abusive Parent?
Do you have any parenting questions for our parenting coach and expert, Dr. Ana Aznar? Ask for free today!
