Preparing for Your Child’s First Period

As parents, a large part of our work is to guide our children calmly and supportively through their lives as they traverse several developmental milestones. While early milestones such as walking and talking are met with excitement and cheer, adolescent milestones such as menarche (i.e., the first menstrual period) are often met with a mixture of apprehension, awkwardness, and uncertainty. Nevertheless, it is important to approach discussions with growing children with openness as this has been shown to improve their adjustment to the transition to adulthood. Here are practical steps to support thoughtful conversations that will help your daughter to prepare for and navigate their first menstrual cycle.

The Basics

The medical term for the first menstrual period is “menarche” and research suggests that the average age of onset of this milestone is declining; records suggest that in the mid-19th century, girls first menstruated between 16-17 years of age. More recently the mean age of onset between the 1960s-1990s was reported to be 13.4 years of age. The most recent research available suggests the mean age for girls in Canada to start their period is 12.7 years old. There are many proposed reasons for why we continue to see earlier onset for menarche (including socioeconomic and biological factors), but the important aspect for us as parents to keep in mind is that this means that girls of the present generation will likely get their periods earlier than women of their mother’s or grandmother’s generation. As such, we need to turn our minds to having conversations with our children earlier than we may have experienced them ourselves (or may be inclined to have them!).

The Importance

Parents and caregivers are important social agents in the lives of children on the cusp of menarche. This means that we have an important and unique role in helping to prepare our kids for the changes ahead. Studies have shown that inadequate preparation for menarche creates a poor attitude towards menstruation and poor menstrual practices. However, the good news is that if we have open, timely, and positive conversations with our children, they are more likely to adjust well to menstruation. They are also more likely to have positive attitudes towards wanting to become an adult and liking the fact that their bodies develop and change.

The Plan

In advance of having these discussions, take some time to plan around how best to approach these conversations. Consider your family structure, and who your child may be most comfortable speaking about this with. Mothers are most commonly identified as the desired communicator by young girls, however, there may be other close and capable adults in your child’s life that may be appropriate to lead these conversations. Talk together about how each parent or caregiver should participate in the discussions. At the end of the day, any composition of caring and involved adults you identify and agree on is better than this information coming from kids on the playground!

Set the Stage

It may be easier to have these conversations when “side by side,” doing an activity together (such as a walk or riding in the car together). You can break the ice by talking about a recent article, commercial, or video you and your child may have seen. You could also share about your experience, “You know, I was 10 when I got my first period. I’m not sure I’ve ever told you about it. Would you like to hear more about what it was like for me?”

Talk Early and Often

We know talking earlier is better. I’ve learned of (and witnessed!) young girls thinking they were hemorrhaging or experiencing severe health events when they had their first period. Their confusion, fear, and embarrassment could have been decreased if they had been forewarned of the natural changes occurring in their bodies. In keeping with the research outlined above, this may mean initiating these discussions with girls at 10 years of age or earlier.

Especially in early conversations, try to be open and honest, not overwhelming with information, and informal in tone. Ensure that your kids know that you’re not having “the talk,” but rather that this is an aspect of their physical and mental health that is part of the regular conversations you’ll have with them over their lives. Ask your child questions and encourage her to ask questions. “Are you noticing any changes in your body?” Try to stay calm, and nonchalant, and normalize her experience. Let her know that, while this is a normal developmental change that happens as girls transition into adult women, the symptoms, and experiences that she feels are unique to her. Assure her that you will be available to support her through her experiences whenever, and however they present for her.

Be Mindful of Language

There are accelerated changes in the body shapes of girls in the 6 to 9 months before menarche. This is a natural part of their growth and development, yet it may cause some children to become self-conscious. Be mindful of how you talk about your own (and their!) bodies and be sure to use body-positive language.

Use correct anatomical words with clear language. Help them to understand the various changes that are or will soon happen in their bodies: “Menarche is the term for your first period. It is one of the changes that kid’s bodies go through while they develop into teenagers, and then into adults. They may find other changes like starting to grow hairs in their pubic region, under their arms, and on their legs. They may start to develop breasts, and their voices may change.”

Share

It can be helpful for our children to understand our journey too. As much as you feel comfortable with (or as appropriate), share with your children about your own development. Were there parts that were unexpected, awkward, surprising, interesting, pride-generating, or celebrated? When talking about menstruation, try to keep the tone neutral or upbeat and try to share at least one to two positive aspects of menstruation. This may sound like a reach, but a positive parental approach has been cited as being reassuring for women who recall their discussions with their own mothers.

Collaborate

Speak to your daughter about how she’d like to embrace this shift in her body. Talk to her about how she’d like to mark the event, if at all. Would she like to have a special meal or treat? Would she like a special outing with a parent or friends? Some parents denote the event through a symbolic gesture like gifting a small piece of jewelry. Invite her ideas and work together to acknowledge this milestone in her life.

Be Prepared

Try to have a range of supplies on hand before your daughter experiences her first period. There are many “period packs” that include supplies like a discrete pouch with a pad, or period underwear that can be tucked into a backpack or stored somewhere if she starts her period. Let her know who she can talk to at school if needed (teacher, school nurse), and be sure to have the same supplies and communication plan available to her if parents share custody, or if she moves between houses or caregivers.

Different Formats

Depending on age, relationship, and other aspects, it may be important to consider drawing on different formats of communication to ensure your child is getting the information they need in a timely manner. For example, consider leaving a relevant book or two around in her room or in a space she has access to, to allow your child to learn more about puberty and developmental changes. Consider a parent-child journal that can be passed between you wherein your kiddo can write down questions or concerns that you respond to with a note. Texting or messaging can also be a form that kids may prefer to use for some difficult questions or conversations.

Discussing menarche is a time when open communication and empathy can foster trust and understanding and can decrease your daughter’s potential confusion and embarrassment. It is essential for parents to consult with trusted resources and supports to ensure they are able to approach these ongoing discussions with calm and conversational tones, free of judgment but full of support, normalizing, and validation. The hope is to create an environment where your daughter feels safe, heard, and empowered. By approaching this topic with sensitivity and knowledge, you're not just preparing her for a biological event but also for the broader journey of embracing her changing body, emotions, and relationships with others.

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