For parents

Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents

Navigating the complexities of adulthood often comes with the weight of childhood experiences, especially when those experiences are shaped by emotionally immature parents. For many, growing up in an environment where emotional growth stagnated can lead to intricate patterns of behavior and relationship struggles that linger long into adulthood. Understanding the dynamics at play in these familial relationships is crucial, as it allows adult children to break free from cycles of emotional unavailability and embrace healthier connections.

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  1. American Paediatrics Association 
  2. Aznar, A., & Tenenbaum, H.R. (2013). Spanish parents’ emotion talk and their children’s understanding of emotion. Frontiers in Developmental Psychology, 4. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2013.00670 
  3. Miller, J. D., Lynam, D. R., Hyatt, C. S., & Campbell, W. K. (2017). Controversies in narcissism. Annual review of clinical psychology, 13(1), 291-315. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev-clinpsy-032816-045244 
  4. Karl, K., & Peluchette, J. (2016). Breaking boundaries and leaving bad impressions: Toward understanding workplace encounters with helicopter parents. Journal of Organizational Psychology, 16(1). 

Lullaby Songs and Why They Work

A lullaby is a quiet, repetitive, gentle song sung to put a baby to sleep.[1] Parents have sung to babies in every known historical period and culture. Evidently lullabies work, otherwise parents would have stopped singing centuries ago. Only parenting behaviors that are useful stand the test of time. Otherwise, they simply disappear.  

Scientific research confirms what parents already knew: Lullabies work. Let me tell you why.  

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[1] Oxford Dictionary.

[2] Eduardo Sá and Ana Torres. The Effect of Lullabies on the Mother and on Copyright © 2019 Eduardo Sá and Ana Torres. Her Relationship with the Baby: an Exploratory Study. OA J Behavioural Sci Psych 2019, 2(1): 180010. 

[3] Yue W, Han X, Luo J, Zeng Z, Yang M. Effect of music therapy on preterm infants in neonatal intensive care unit: Systematic review and meta-analysis of randomized controlled trials. J Adv Nurs. 2021 Feb;77(2):635-652. doi: 10.1111/jan.14630. Epub 2020 Nov 17. PMID: 33200833. 

[4] Hilton CB, Crowley-de Thierry L, Yan R, Martin A, Mehr SA. Children infer the behavioral contexts of unfamiliar foreign songs. J Exp Psychol Gen. 2023 Mar;152(3):839-850. doi: 10.1037/xge0001289. Epub 2022 Oct 10. PMID: 36222671; PMCID: PMC10083193. 

[5] Trainor, L. J. (1996). Infant preferences for infant-directed versus noninfant-directed playsongs and lullabies. Infant Behavior & Development, 19(1), 83–92. https://doi.org/10.1016/S0163-6383(96)90046-6.

[6] Mehr SA & Krasnow MM Parent-o spring conflict and the evolution of infant-directed song. Evol. Hum. Behav. 38, 674–684 (2017). 

[7] Baker F, Mackinlay E. Sing, soothe and sleep: A lullaby education programme for first-time mothers. Br J Music Educ. 2006 Jul;23(2):147–160. 

[8] Fancourt D, Perkins R. Associations between singing to babies and symptoms of postnatal depression, wellbeing, self-esteem and mother-infant bond. Public Health. 2017 Apr;145:149-152. doi: 10.1016/j.puhe.2017.01.016. Epub 2017 Feb 27. PMID: 28359384. 

4-Month Sleep Regression in Babies: Facts, Tips, and Tricks

Sleep regressions are periods when sleep gets more chaotic. Babies may resist their naps, wake more during the night, or struggle with sleep in general.  

But you know what? According to sleep researchers, these regressions do not exist. At least not how they are typically described. Many babies have periods when they sleep worse but there is not one single month when there is a peak in these problems. Not even at 4 months. Sleep regressions can happen to babies at different times. Or not at all.  

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[1] Joseph, D., Chong, N. W., Shanks, M. E., Rosato, E., Taub, N. A., Petersen, S. A., ... & Wailoo, M. (2015). Getting rhythm: how do babies do it?. Archives of Disease in Childhood-Fetal and Neonatal Edition, 100(1), F50-F54. https://doi.org/10.1136/archdischild-2014-306104 

[2] Reuter, A., Silfverdal, S. A., Lindblom, K., & Hjern, A. (2020). A systematic review of prevention and treatment of infant behavioural sleep problems. Acta Paediatrica, 109(9), 1717-1732. https://doi.org/10.1111/apa.15182 

[3] Schreck, K. A., & Richdale, A. L. (2011). Knowledge of childhood sleep: a possible variable in under or misdiagnosis of childhood sleep problems. Journal of sleep research, 20(4), 589-597.https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1365-2869.2011.00922.x 

[4] Mindell, J. A., Sadeh, A., Kohyama, J., & How, T. H. (2010). Parental behaviors and sleep outcomes in infants and toddlers: a cross-cultural comparison. Sleep medicine, 11(4), 393-399.https://doi.org/10.1016/j.sleep.2009.11.011 

 

Newborn Sleep Schedule: How Much Do Newborns Sleep? 

As parents we come with expectations about what ‘normal’ newborn sleep look likes. Having unrealistic expectations or incorrect assumptions, may lead us to feel inadequate as parents and to feel as if we are failing.[1] 

That is why in this article, we are going to give you the latest advice and research about newborn sleep. With this information, you will be better able to support your baby and better equipped to go through this stage of your parenting journey.  

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[1] Douglas, P. S., & Hill, P. S. (2013). Behavioral sleep interventions in the first six months of life do not improve outcomes for mothers or infants: a systematic review. Journal of Developmental & Behavioral Pediatrics, 34(7), 497-507. DOI: 10.1097/DBP.0b013e31829cafa6 

[2] Paavonen, E. J., Saarenpää-Heikkilä, O., Morales-Munoz, I., Virta, M., Häkälä, N., Pölkki, P., ... & Karlsson, L. (2020). Normal sleep development in infants: findings from two large birth cohorts. Sleep Medicine, 69, 145-154.https://doi.org/10.1016/j.sleep.2020.01.009 

[3] Kaur, S., Teoh, A. N., Shukri, N. H. M., Shafie, S. R., Bustami, N. A., Takahashi, M., ... & Shibata, S. (2020). Circadian rhythm and its association with birth and infant outcomes: research protocol of a prospective cohort study. BMC pregnancy and childbirth, 20, 1-11. 

[4] Vincent, A., Chu, N. T., Shah, A., Avanthika, C., Jhaveri, S., Singh, K., ... & Boddu, H. (2023). Sudden infant death syndrome: risk factors and newer risk reduction strategies. Cureus, 15(6). 

[5] Faruqui F, Khubchandani J, Price JH et al.: Sleep disorders in children: a national assessment of primary care pediatrician practices and perceptions. Pediatrics 2011; 128: 539–546. 

[6] Barry, E. S. (2021). What is “normal” infant sleep? Why we still do not know. Psychological reports, 124(2), 651-692. 

 

How To Deal With In-Laws: The Good, Bad, and Ugly

Family relations are not always easy. And with the in-laws they can be even more difficult. After all, when you get married, you get ‘thrown into’ a family that you do not know. You do not know their history or dynamics. You may not even share the same values and beliefs. And you are expected to fit in seamlessly. 

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  1. [1] Rothbaum, F., Rosen, K., Ujiie, T., & Uchida, N. [2002] Family systems theory, attachment theory, and culture. Family process, 41[3), 328-350. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1545-5300.2002.41305.x 
  1. [2] Fowler, C., & Rittenour, C. [2017] A life-span approach to children-in-law’s perceptions of parent-in-law communication. Journal of Family Communication, 17[3), 254-272. https://doi.org/10.1080/15267431.2017.1281280 
  1. [3] Rothbaum, F., Rosen, K., Ujiie, T., & Uchida, N. [2002] Family systems theory, attachment theory, and culture. Family process, 41[3), 328-350. 
  1. [4] Jean Turner, M., Young, C. R., & Black, K. I. [2006] Daughters‐in‐law and mothers‐in‐law seeking their place within the family: A qualitative study of differing viewpoints. Family Relations, 55[5), 588-600. 
  1. [5] Ayers, J.D., Krems, J.A., Hess, N. et al. Mother-in-Law Daughter-in-Law Conflict: an Evolutionary Perspective and Report of Empirical Data from the USA. Evolutionary Psychological Science 8, 56–71 [2022] https://doi.org/10.1007/s40806-021-00312-x 
  1. [6] Rittenour, C. E., & Kellas, J. K. [2015] Making sense of hurtful mother-in-law messages: Applying attribution theory to the in-law triad. Communication Quarterly, 63[1), 62-80. https://doi.org/10.1080/01463373.2014.965837 
  1. [7] Fingerman, K. L., Gilligan, M., VanderDrift, L., & Pitzer, L. [2012] In-law relationships before and after marriage: Husbands, wives, and their mothers-in-law. Research in Human Development, 9[2), 106-125. https://doi.org/10.1080/15427609.2012.680843 
  1. [8] Fingerman, K. L. [2004] The role of offspring and in-laws in grandparents’ ties to their grandchildren. Journal of Family Issues, 25[8), 1026-1049. https://doi.org/10.1177/0192513X04265941 
  1. [9] Fingerman, K. L. [2000] " We Had a Nice Little Chat" Age and Generational Differences in Mothers' and Daughters' Descriptions of Enjoyable Visits. The Journals of Gerontology Series B: Psychological Sciences and Social Sciences, 55[2), P95-P106. https://doi.org/10.1093/geronb/55.2.P95 
  1. [10] Marx, J., Miller, L. Q., & Huffmon, S. [2011] Excluding mothers-in-law: A research note on the preference for matrilineal advice. Journal of Family Issues, 32[9), 1205-1222. https://doi.org/10.1177/0192513X11402176 
  2. [11] Fischer, L. R. [1988] The influence of kin on the transition to parenthood. Marriage & Family Review, 12[3-4), 201-219. https://doi.org/10.1300/J002v12n03_11 
  1. [12] Fischer, L. R. [1983] Mothers and mothers-in-law. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 187-192. https://doi.org/10.2307/351307 
  1. [13] Lee, E., Spitze, G., & Logan, J. R. [2003] Social support to parents‐in‐law: The interplay of gender and kin hierarchies. Journal of Marriage and Family, 65[2), 396-403. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2003.00396.x 
  1. [14] Marotz-Baden, R., & Cowan, D. [1987] Mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law: The effects of proximity on conflict and stress. Family Relations, 385-390. https://doi.org/10.2307/584488 

The Cry It Out Method: What You Need to Know

Leaving babies to cry it out has been a controversial topic amongst researchers, practitioners, and parents for a very long time.

I know that this is a very emotive topic. Before we continue, let me tell you that my goal here is to explain the scientific evidence of the “Cry It Out” method so you can decide what to do. I am not addressing personal experiences or judging anyone.

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[1] Rosier, J. G., & Cassels, T. (2021). From “Crying Expands the Lungs” to “You’re Going to Spoil That Baby”: How the Cry-It-Out Method Became Authoritative Knowledge. Journal of Family Issues, 42(7), 1516-1535. https://doi.org/10.1177/0192513X20949891.

[2] Etherton, H., Blunden, S., & Hauck, Y. (2016). Discussion of extinction-based behavioral sleep interventions for young children and reasons why parents may find them difficult. Journal of Clinical Sleep Medicine, 12(11), 1535-1543. https://doi.org/10.5664/jcsm.6284.

[3] Hall, W.A., Hutton, E., Brant, R.F. et al. (2015). A randomised controlled trial of an intervention for infants’ behavioural sleep problems. BMC Pediatr 15, 181. https://doi.org/10.1186/s12887-015-0492-7.

[4] Michal Kahn, Michal Juda-Hanael, Efrat Livne-Karp, Liat Tikotzky, Thomas F Anders, Avi Sadeh, Behavioral interventions for pediatric insomnia: one treatment may not fit all, Sleep, Volume 43, Issue 4, April 2020, zsz268, https://doi.org/10.1093/sleep/zsz268.

(5) Whittall, H., Kahn, M., Pillion, M., & Gradisar, M. (2021). Parents matter:  barriers and solutions when implementing behavioural sleep interventions for infant sleep problems. Sleep Medicine, 84, 244-252. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.sleep.2021.05.042.

[6] Ball, H. L., & Volpe, L. E. (2013). Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) risk reduction and infant sleep location–Moving the discussion forward. Social science & medicine, 79, 84-91. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.socscimed.2012.03.025.

[7] Bilgin, A., & Wolke, D. (2020). Parental use of ‘cry it out’in infants: no adverse effects on attachment and behavioural development at 18 months. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 61(11), 1184-1193. https://doi.org/10.1111/jcpp.13223.

[8] Blunden, S. L., Thompson, K. R., & Dawson, D. (2011). Behavioural sleep treatments and nighttime crying in infants: challenging the status quo. Sleep medicine reviews, 15(5), 327-334.https://doi.org/10.1016/j.smrv.2010.11.002.

[9] Gradisar, M., Jackson, K., Spurrier, N. J., Gibson, J., Whitham, J., Williams, A. S., … & Kennaway, D. J. (2016). Behavioral interventions for infant sleep problems: a randomized controlled trial. Pediatrics, 137(6). https://doi.org/10.1542/peds.2015-1486.

[10] Price, A. M., Wake, M., Ukoumunne, O. C., & Hiscock, H. (2012). Five-year follow-up of harms and benefits of behavioral infant sleep intervention: randomized trial. Pediatrics, 130(4), 643-651.https://doi.org/10.1542/peds.2011-3467.

[11] Akdoğan, G. Y. (2018). To intervene or not to intervene: effects of behavioural sleep interventions on infant attachment quality. 

[12] Jenni, O. G., & Werner, H. (2011). Cultural issues in children’s sleep: a model for clinical practice. Pediatric Clinics, 58(3), 755-763. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.pcl.2011.03.008.

Why Are Teenagers So Selfish?

You may have noticed that your once super-helpful little one has become a selfish teenager that fails to consider other people’s feelings and needs. If it is any consolation, you are not alone in having this feeling. Many parents feel the same. Concerned about teen selfishness? Keep reading!  

Are All Teenagers Selfish?

Difficult teenager

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[1] Carlson, R. W., Adkins, C., Crockett, M. J., & Clark, M. S. (2022). Psychological selfishness. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 17(5), 1359-1380. https://doi.org/10.1177/17456916211045692.

[2] Lam, C. B., McHale, S. M., & Crouter, A. C. (2014). Time with peers from middle childhood to late adolescence: developmental course and adjustment correlates. Child Development, 85, 1677–1693. https://doi.org/10.1111/cdev.12235.

[3] Sullivan, N. J., Li, R., & Huettel, S. A. (2022). Peer presence increases the prosocial behavior of adolescents by speeding the evaluation of outcomes for others. Scientific Reports, 12(1), 6477. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41598-022-10115-0.

[4] Blakemore, S. J. (2012). Development of the social brain in adolescence. Journal of the Royal Society of Medicine, 105(3), 111-116.

[5] Smetana, J. G., Tasopoulos‐Chan, M., Gettman, D. C., Villalobos, M., Campione‐Barr, N., & Metzger, A. (2009). Adolescents’ and parents’ evaluations of helping versus fulfilling personal desires in family situations. Child Development, 80(1), 280-294.

Advantages and Disadvantages of Growing Up in a Same-Sex Family

June is Pride month. We would like to take the opportunity to talk about the development of children living in LGBTQ+ families.

To do this, we are lucky to have Professor Susan Golombok as a REC Parenting expert. A pioneer in the subject, Professor Golombok has been studying same-sex families since the 1970s. More recently, she has also been studying children living in trans families.

Let’s have a look at what the research says.

Sources +

[1] Stevens, M., Perry, B., Burston, A., Golombok, S., & Golding, J. (2003). Openness in lesbian-mother families regarding mother's sexual orientation and child's conception by donor insemination. Journal of reproductive and infant psychology, 21(4), 347-362. https://doi.org/10.1080/02646830310001622141  

[2] Golombok, S., Blake, L., Slutsky, J., Raffanello, E., Roman, G. D., & Ehrhardt, A. (2018). Parenting and the adjustment of children born to gay fathers through surrogacy. Child Development, 89(4), 1223-1233. DOI: 10.1111/cdev.12728  

[3] Golombok, S., Mellish, L., Jennings, S., Casey, P., Tasker, F., & Lamb, M. E. (2014). Adoptive gay father families: Parent–child relationships and children's psychological adjustment. Child development, 85(2), 456-468. DOI: 10.1111/cdev.12155  

[4] Farr, R. H., Bruun, S. T., & Patterson, C. J. (2019). Longitudinal associations between coparenting and child adjustment among lesbian, gay, and heterosexual adoptive parent families. Developmental psychology, 55(12), 2547. https://doi.org/10.1037/dev0000828  

[5] Imrie, S., Zadeh, S., Wylie, K., & Golombok, S. (2020). Children with Trans Parents: Parent–Child Relationship Quality and Psychological Well-being. Parenting, 21(3), 185–215. https://doi.org/10.1080/15295192.2020.1792194  

[6] Patterson, C. J. (2017). Parents' sexual orientation and children's development. Child Development Perspectives, 11(1), 45-49. https://doi.org/10.1111/cdep.12207  

[7] Imrie, S., & Golombok, S. (2020). Impact of new family forms on parenting and child development. Annual Review of Developmental Psychology, 2, 295-316. https://doi.o 

[8] Green, R. J., Rubio, R. J., Rothblum, E. D., Bergman, K., & Katuzny, K. E. (2019). Gay fathers by surrogacy: Prejudice, parenting, and well-being of female and male children. Psychology of Sexual Orientation and Gender Diversity, 6(3), 269. http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/sgd0000325 

Everything You Need to Know About the Tooth Fairy 

Tradition says that when children lose a baby tooth, they must place it underneath their pillow at bedtime. During the night, the Tooth Fairy will make an appearance, taking the tooth and replacing it with a small amount of money.[1]

Where Does This Tradition Come From?

It seems that the tooth fairy tradition originated in the 10th century amongst the Norse people in Northern Europe. Parents going on expeditions or war used to take their kids’ baby teeth for protection and blessing.

Sources +

 

[1] Toumba, K.J. The legend of the “tooth fairy”. Eur Arch Paediatr Dent 14, 277–278 (2013). https://doi.org/10.1007/s40368-013-0093-9 

[2] Mills, C. M., Goldstein, T. R., Kanumuru, P., Monroe, A. J., & Quintero, N. B. (2024). Debunking the Santa myth: The process and aftermath of becoming skeptical about Santa.Developmental Psychology, 60(1), 1–16. https://doi.org/10.1037/dev0001662 

[3] Principe, G. F., & Smith, E. (2008). The tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth: How belief in the tooth fairy can engender false memories. Applied Cognitive Psychology: The Official Journal of the Society for Applied Research in Memory and Cognition, 22(5), 625-642. https://doi.org/10.1002/acp.1402 

[4] Goldstein, T. R., & Woolley, J. (2016). Ho! Ho! Who? Parent promotion of belief in and live encounters with Santa Claus. Cognitive Development, 39, 113-127 https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cogdev.2016.04.002 

[5] How Much Does The Tooth Fairy Pay For A Tooth. (n.d.). Delta Dental. https://www.deltadental.com/us/en/tooth-fairy/press-release.html#2023

[6] Krebs A, Thomas RM. Tooth Fairy keeping up with inflation. New York Times, 23 June 1981. https://www.nytimes.com/1981/06/23/nyregion/notes-on-people-tooth-fairy-keeping-up-with-inflation.html

[7] Visa Inc. Survey: tooth fairy fluttering down to earth. Tooth Fairy leaving $3.19, down 24 cents per tooth [webpage]. Visa. July 2015. http://investor.visa.com/news/news-details/2015/Visa-Inc-Survey-Tooth-Fairy-Fluttering-Down-To-Earth/default.aspx 

[8] Care, B. D. (n.d.). How much does the tooth fairy pay in 2023? https://www.bupa.co.uk/dental/dental-care/news/how-much-does-the-tooth-fairy-pay-2023

[9] How Much Does The Tooth Fairy Pay For A Tooth. (n.d.). Delta Dental. https://www.deltadental.com/us/en/tooth-fairy/press-release.html#2023

[10] Sadurní, J. M. (7 May 2019). "Luis Coloma and Ratoncito Pérez, the tale that born as a gift for a Queen". National Geographic. https://historia.nationalgeographic.com.es/a/luis-coloma-y-el-ratoncito-perez-el-cuento-que-nacio-como-un-regalo-para-una-reina_14131

[11] Al Hamdani, Muwaffak; Wenzel, Marian (1966). "The Worm in the Tooth". Folklore. 77 (1): 60–64. doi:10.1080/0015587X.1966.9717030. JSTOR 1258921. 

 

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