Successful Co-Parenting After Divorce? Expert Doctor Answers

Question:

What is conscious co parenting, or do you have any tips on healthy co-parenting? I'm newly divorced and struggling with balancing the new type of relationship we now have.

Dr. Ana’s Answer:

Co-parenting can sometimes be difficult. Co-parenting between divorced parents can sometimes feel like an ordeal.

The most important thing is that even if it is difficult, you must always put your child’s interests first. Remember that what matter for children is not the divorce itself, but the level of conflict between their parents. It is not good for children to live with parents that have a very difficult relationship and fight a lot. Never use your child as a weapon to hurt your ex or use him as a messenger between you and your ex.

If you have not already done it, I really recommend that you and your ex-partner create a parenting plan. In this plan, you will reach an agreement about every detail of your child’s life, like: who should the school contact when there is a problem, who will decide and pay for extracurricular activities, how to discipline your child, or how much contact your child will have with the extended family. You can find a detailed explanation of a parenting plan and few template ideas here.

Remember also that it is better for your child to have consistent rules and limits at both houses. Ideally, your child will go to bed at the same time or have the same rules regarding screen time, regardless of whether he is with you or your ex.

Try to have frequent conversations about your child with your ex-partner. It will be good for your child if you are both on the same page and put a united front whenever there are important issues to discuss. If direct communication is tricky, communicate via email. The important thing is that you communicate for the sake of your child.

It will also be positive for your child, if you and your ex attend teachers’ meetings together or spend important holidays or birthdays together.

Tell your child that you and your ex don’t love each other like you used to but that you both will always love them and that nothing that has happened is their fault.

Let their teachers know what is happening at home, so they can keep an eye on your child, in case he struggles for a bit. Think that many children experience a decline in their wellbeing for a while after their parents divorce, but most of them bounce back after a year or so.

If you want to discuss it further, please do get in touch with me.

I wish you and your family all the best in this new stage of your life.

You may also find these articles useful:

Love,

Ana

Dr Ana Aznar

Do you have questions for Dr. Ana? Ask for free today!

Related content: