Count Down the Laughs: 105 New Year's Jokes for Kids

New Year's Eve comes with familial gatherings, glasses of bubbly, and those New Year's resolutions that we all make in good faith and swear that this time, we'll keep them (or maybe that's just me...) but what about some good ol' fashioned chuckles? Don't worry if your party is starting to feel a bit too serious and resolute: we've got some great New Year's jokes for kids, adults, and everyone in between that will make your guests giggle, roll their eyes, or maybe even make a new resolution to stop snorting when they laugh (again, I think that's me calling myself out). Let's take a look!

Jokes About Time & Clocks

Counting down to midnight with some barely-contained giggles.

1. What does a ghost say on January 1st? Happy Boo Year!
2. Why did the girl get a new clock on her New Year's Eve flight? Because she wanted to watch the time fly!
3. What happened to the man who stole a calendar on New Year's Eve? He got 12 months!
4. What do you call being late to the New Year's Eve party? The party of the first part.
5. What’s a clock’s favorite part of the New Year? The countdown!
6. What does the clock do at a New Year's Eve dinner? It goes back four seconds.
7. Why did the clock get sent to the principal's office on New Year's? For tocking too much.
8. What did the digital clock say to its mother on New Year's? "Look, Ma! No hands!"
9. Why shouldn't you invite a clock to a New Year's party? They always want to watch the time.
10. What do you call always being late on New Year's Day? A broken resolution.
11. Why was the clock so popular at the New Year's party? Because it knew how to have a good time.

Giggling About New Year Traditions

Traditions can be a bit old-fashioned, but here are some quips to change that outlook.

12. What do you sing at a snowman's New Year's party? Freeze a jolly good fellow!
13. Why do you need a jeweler on New Year's Eve? To ring in the New Year!
14. What did the friends say to each other at midnight on New Year's Eve? I haven't seen you since last year!
15. Where can you go to practice math on New Year's Eve? Times Square.
16. What’s the one thing you’re guaranteed to get on New Year’s Eve? Older!
17. What do you tell a runner on New Year's? Have a great New Year's sprint!
18. Why do you need a jeweler on New Year's Eve? Because they want to ring in the New Year!
19. What's the best thing about New Year's Day? You get a whole year to use up all your gift cards!
20. What’s the problem with joking about your New Year's resolution? It goes in one year and out the other!
21. My New Year's resolution is to stop procrastinating. But I'll start tomorrow.
22. What's a dragon's New Year's resolution? To stop smoking so much.
23. My resolution was to read more. So I turned on the subtitles on my TV.
24. Why did the student resolve to go to bed earlier? Because he was tired of being late for the New Year!
25. Why was the broom late to the New Year's party? It swept in at the last minute!
26. What do snowmen like to do on New Year's Eve? Chill out!
27. Why did the student do multiplication on New Year's Day? Because the teacher said it was time to make a New Year count!

Furry New Year's Jokes for Kids (& Animals)

Let the furry, feathery, and fuzzy friends get in on the fun, too!

28. What does a corn farmer say on January 1st? Happy New Ear!
29. What do cats say on New Year's Eve? Happy Mew Year!
30. Why did the bear want to celebrate New Year's? He wanted to start with a clean slate!
31. What's a cow's favorite holiday? Moo Year's Eve.
32. What do you call a New Year’s party for bugs? A house-fly party!
33. What do cats say at midnight on New Year's? "Happy Mew Year!"
34. How do sheep celebrate New Year's? They go to a baaa-ll!
35. What's a snake's favorite New Year's song? "Auld Lang Sssssyne!"
36. Why don't elephants make New Year's resolutions? Because they never forget them anyway!
37. What do you call a penguin on New Year's Eve? A party animal!
38. How do fish celebrate the New Year? They drop the bass.

Numbers & Dates & Jokes, Oh My!

Out with the old and in with the new.

39. What do you tell someone you didn’t see on New Year’s Eve? I haven't seen you since last year!
40. Why is January 1st the best day to do your laundry? Because it's a "fresh start" for your clothes!
41. Why is 6 afraid of 9 on New Year's Eve? Because 9, 8, 7...
42. What do you call a math teacher's New Year's party? A function.
43. What's the best part about celebrating the New Year in an elevator? It's an uplifting experience!
44. What's the luckiest number on New Year's? The new one!
45. Why was 6 afraid of 7 on New Year's? Because 7, 8, 9... and the new year!
46. What did December say to January? "See you next year!"
47. Why is January the politest month? Because it always says "Happy New Year" to everyone!
48. What do you call the first day of the year? A fresh start-uary!
49. Why did the calendar get in trouble? Its days were numbered.

What About the Snacks?

Jokes that are sweet and savory enough to crack a smile.

50. What do you call a gingerbread man on New Year's Day? A cookie from last year.
51. Why did the grape stop in the middle of the road on New Year's Eve? Because he ran out of juice!
52. What do you call a bubbly drink on January 1st? A soda-lighted start to the year.
53. My resolution is to eat more salad. So I'm starting with croutons.
54. What do you get if you cross a firework with a duck? A fire-quacker!
55. What's a ghost's favorite New Year's dessert? I-scream!
56. Why did the champagne bottle have a bath? To get a little more bubbly!
57. What do you serve at a New Year's breakfast? Toast!
58. Why was the cookie sad on New Year's? Because its mom was a wafer so long!
59. What did the grape say on New Year's Eve? Nothing, it just let out a little wine!

Let's Get This Party Started!

...With confetti, noisemakers, and staying up late to tell more jokes!

60. What do you call a group of friends who love to party on January 1st? The Resolutionaries.
61. Why was the partygoer so good at ringing the bell? He had a knack for it!
62. What's the best way to clean up confetti after a party? I don't know, it's still on the floor from last year.
63. What do you call a New Year’s party at a fast-food restaurant? A burger drop.
64. Why did the family get noisemakers for their party? For auld lang syne!
65. What do you tell someone on January 1st? I haven't seen you since last year!
66. Why do birds fly south for New Year's? Because it's too far to walk!
67. What do you call a person who's excited for January 1st resolutions? A New Year's enthusiast... or just really bad at understanding calendars!
68. Why was the math book sad on New Year's Eve? It had too many problems to solve before midnight!
69. What do cheerleaders say on New Year's Day? Happy New Cheer!
70. Why did the music teacher need a ladder at the New Year's party? To reach the high notes at midnight!

Dreams & Resolutions... (to Laugh More)

Jokes that poke a little fun.

71. My resolution is to be more optimistic. I'm positive I'll break it.
72. What did the dreamer resolve to do this year? Wake up on time.
73. Why did the person bring a ladder to the New Year's party? They wanted to reach their New Year's goals.
74. What's the hardest part about making resolutions? Remembering them in February.
75. My friend's resolution is to be less of a know-it-all. I could have told him that.
76. What did one New Year's wish say to the other? "I hope we both come true!"
77. Why did the kid bring a pillow to the New Year's party? For all their dreams to come true!
78. What's the best way to make your New Year's dreams come true? Wake up!
79. Why do people make wishes at midnight? Because it's the only time the year is brand new!
80. What did the shooting star say on New Year's? "Make a wish—I'm already falling for you!"
81. What did one New Year's wish say to the other? "I hope we both come true!"
82. Why did the kid bring a pillow to the New Year's party? For all their dreams to come true!
83. What's the best way to make your New Year's dreams come true? Wake up!
84. Why do people make wishes at midnight? Because it's the only time the year is brand new!
85. What did the shooting star say on New Year's? "Make a wish—I'm already falling for you!"

Adventures & Travel Jokes for Kids

After all, the new year is a brand new adventure.

86. Where do you go to celebrate New Year's in space? The launch party.
87. Why did the traveler resolve to visit more mountains this year? To get a new peak-spective.
88. What's an adventurer's favorite part of the calendar? March, because it tells them to keep going!
89. My resolution is to travel more. I've already made three trips to the kitchen.
90. Where does a pirate celebrate New Year's? On the high seas-on!

Futuristic Jokes & Time Travel Quips

The future can be funny, too!

91. Why is the future so bright on January 1st? Because it's a brand new year!
92. What did the time traveler do on New Year's Eve? He celebrated it over and over.
93. My prediction for this year? It will have 365 days.
94. What do you call a robot on New Year's Day? A "new-bot."
95. Why are future-themed jokes the best for New Year's? Because the timing is always perfect.

New Year's Knock-Knock Jokes for Kids

Nothing wrong with a good old-fashioned, classic call-and-response joke.

96. Knock, knock.
    Who's there?
    Mary.
    Mary who?
    Mary Christmas and a Happy New Year!
97. Knock, knock.
    Who's there?
    Snow.
    Snow who?
    Snow use asking—Happy New Year!
98. Knock, knock.
    Who's there?
    Abby.
    Abby who?
    Abby New Year to you!
99. Knock, knock.
    Who's there?
    Howie.
    Howie who?
    Howie gonna stay up until midnight?
100. Knock, knock.
     Who's there?
     Howard.
     Howard who?
     Howard you like to celebrate New Year's with us?

Bonus Jokes for Extra Laughs

Let's end with a few more to keep the giggles going well into January!

101. What's a New Year's resolution for a basketball player? To reach new heights!
102. Why don't skeletons make New Year's resolutions? They don't have the guts!
103. What do you call someone who claps at midnight? A New Year's ap-plause-er!
104. Why did the bicycle fall over at the New Year's party? Because it was two-tired!
105. What's a computer's favorite New Year's song? "Auld Lang Syne-chronize!"

Laughing Your Way Into the New Year

I hope that some of these jokes brought a smile to your face! After all, as the new year begins, we don't know what's in store for us, and we might need all the joy we can get. Either way, Family Education wishes you and your family a very Happy New Year!

For more information, check out these popular topics:

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• 10 Fun Ways to Celebrate New Year's With the Family