Finding out your child is lying or stealing can feel like a punch to the gut. Whether they swiped a toy from daycare or told a tall tale about homework, it can leave you worried, confused or embarrassed.
But here’s the thing, lying and stealing in kids, while definitely not okay, are often part of growing up. They don’t mean your child is on the path to becoming a criminal. Instead, they’re usually a sign your child is trying to figure out rules, emotions, and how to navigate the world around them.
So before you panic or hand out harsh punishments, let’s take a look at why kids lie and steal, when to be concerned, and what you can do to help them learn and grow from it.
Why Do Kids Lie and Steal?
It Depends on Their Age
Little kids lie because they have wild imaginations, or they want to avoid getting in trouble. A 4 year old saying “the dog ate the cookies” might not be lying in the way we think they’re experimenting with stories.
By the time they hit 7 or 8, kids know right from wrong. So if they’re lying or taking something that isn’t theirs, it’s often tied to emotions, peer pressure, or even attention seeking.
Lying and stealing in teens might be about pushing limits, fitting in, or hiding something like trouble at school, a mental health struggle, or just wanting more freedom than they’re ready for.
Some Common Reasons Kids Lie or Steal:
- They want something and don’t know how else to get it
- They’re copying a friend or sibling
- They feel pressure to fit in
- They’re trying to avoid punishment
- They have trouble with impulse control (common in kids with ADHD)
- They feel like they’re not getting enough attention at home
It’s also worth knowing that lying and stealing can sometimes be signs of deeper emotional or behavioral issues, like oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) or conduct disorder (CD), especially if it happens often and without remorse.
How to Respond
It’s tempting to react with anger or harsh punishment. But that usually shuts kids down instead of helping them learn. Instead, try these tips:
1. Stay Calm
Start by taking a breath. If your child knows you’re disappointed but still willing to listen, they’re more likely to open up.
2. Talk It Out
Try and ask open ended questions to get your child talking. Talking helps kids connect their actions to real consequences, like how it feels for someone when their things are taken or when trust is broken.
3. Set Clear Rules
Kids thrive on consistency so make sure that they know its not okay to steal and honesty is always expected.
4. Follow Through with Natural Consequences
Instead of grounding them for a week or yelling, try and have them fix the problem they have caused by owning up to what they have done wrong.
5. Model the Behavior You Want to See
Kids watch us all the time, even when we think they’re not paying attention. If you tell little white lies, they notice. Be honest and own your mistakes when you make them. It goes a long way.
Lying and Stealing by Age: What’s Normal, What’s Not
Toddlers & Preschoolers (Ages 3–6)
- They don’t fully understand rules yet
- Lying is often part of imaginative play
- They might take things because they like them not to be sneaky
What to do: Gently correct them, explain how sharing and ownership work, and set simple expectations.
School Age Kids (7–12)
- Know right from wrong
- May lie to avoid punishment or impress friends
- Peer pressure starts playing a bigger role
What to do: Talk openly about honesty, help them handle peer pressure, and give chances to make things right.
Teens (13+)
- Lying or stealing might be linked to deeper emotional issues
- Could be signs of stress, trouble with friends, or mental health struggles
What to do: Communicate with your teen regularly, watch for red flags and don’t be afraid to get professional help.
People also ask…
How do you discipline a child who lies or steals?
Keep your cool, talk it through, and use natural consequences. Avoid shame and focus on rebuilding trust.
Is lying common with ADHD?
Yes. Kids with ADHD sometimes lie because they forget details, act impulsively, or feel overwhelmed. They often don’t mean harm, it’s more about how their brain works.
Is stealing always a sign of a bigger problem?
Not always. But if it happens often, feels intentional, or comes with other red flags (like lack of remorse), it’s worth checking in with a mental health pro.