- She will internalize your anxiety about her and begin to take on unnecessary worry herself.
- She will be reluctant to share more of her life with you for fear that you will become unduly anxious.
- Your relationship with her will become less intimate because it will be more and more infused with your growing anxiety as she moves through her later adolescence.
You don't have to "let go" of her. The worst approach to your problem would be for you to back off and to let her be the initiator of all contact and discussions. The "I'm here if you want me" stance is not what teens need. Your daughter needs you to stay connected to her now more than ever, and she needs your guidance and support.
Your daughter may be discussing some of her own concerns as she tells you about the problems of her friends. She probably figures that's a safer way to bring up certain topics with you. Instead of responding to her by repeatedly asking her if they are her problems too, accept the fact that she is more comfortable raising some issues with you in this manner and stop the follow-up personal questions.
She knows that you love her. She also knows that you worry far too much about her. It might be a good idea to seek some short-term professional counseling to gain more insight, advice, and support regarding how to minimize your exaggerated concerns while remaining connected to your daughter. Thanks for writing.