ADD: The Game Plan
In this article, you will find:
Action plans for behaviors and relationships
BehaviorsAction Plan #1: Behavior Modification.
Often children misbehave because they are getting payoffs from it. They want attention, even if it comes in the form of punishment--a payoff they can easily earn. Mostly, I see ADD children act out because they are confused. These children, with their slowed brain functioning, usually cannot prioritize their activities very well. Since they have difficulty doing one thing at a time, they go into hyperactive mode as they attempt to do everything at once. It actually makes sense when you understand what is going on in their heads, but that doesn't always make it any easier for the child or the parents to deal with.
By reinforcing positive behaviors in very concrete terms and developing better methods for expressing their frustrations, ADD children can learn more acceptable behaviors. Too often I have observed that a parent or teacher will tell a child what to do once, and then become frustrated when the child does not immediately respond. It takes more time to get that message into the mind of an ADD child.
Action Plan #2: Get Professional Help.
There is no shame in getting a professional consultant to help you and your child. There are wonderful counselors, psychologist, psychiatrists, and support parents, and even a network of online counselors. They don't have all the answers, but they've probably heard nearly all the problems.
Home Harmony
Action Plan #1: Have a Huddle with the Family and Make Some Joint Decisions.
Try some of the tools in this book and together develop a plan that calls for family participation. Agree to meet regularly to assess how this is working for each family member. Remember the steps in Chapter Fourteen as you approach each issue. Openly discuss each topic and reveal your feeling and desires; listen to the others; work out contracts on how all of you can help one another to bring about what you want to happen (not what you don't want), and make a plan.
Action Plan #2: Family Counseling.
This is the stuff that marriage and family counselors are so good for. Get some help, even if it is for a one-shot consultation, because, unlike psychotherapy, you don't have to dig up your whole past and wallow in the bad stuff. You can just deal with the current problem, get some creative solutions, and move on. See the counselor down the street or one on the Internet at www.mytherapynet.com.
Social Relationships
Action Plan #1: Groups.
Support and therapy groups help children with ADD heal. They offer a positive path to understanding and acceptance. I've never heard of an ADD child solving his problems or developing a workable plan by himself. It just doesn't happen. Isolation and seclusion only foster depression. As a family you cannot allow this to happen. Find a group that has a common interest, such as chess, dancing, sports, or even helping build a house or car. Boy Scouts and athletic clubs can be great resources for children with ADD. Children with ADD need organizations that foster teamwork and harmony.
Action Plan #2: Develop a Class.
We humans are social animals who have developed advanced societies because we come together to solve problems. The modern manifestations of this are therapy groups or classes. These come in all forms and address all problems. If your ADD child is having trouble with social skills, there are all sorts of classes available through schools, colleges, churches, social service agencies, and private counseling services. If your child balks at attending them with a parent, have a favorite sibling, aunt, or uncle take him.