Description of technique:
Our daughter, nearly 15, has been with the same group of girls for the last 8 years, at a private school. During the years we have had many tears caused because she did not have a really close friend, or because she had an agressive teacher, or classmates that picked on her (for no obvious reason other than it was her turn).

We have complained at times to her headmistress and things passed on. We always explained to her that people are different, friends come, friends go, some girls have to appear superior, etc. It seemed to work, she has gathered some close friends over the years but one of the more agressive, swearing girls accused her last week of being part of a bullying group. This has apparently been the history of their behaviours going back years, right back to junior school. The investigation and one to one interrogation by the all-powerful Headmaster (without us being present) has resulted in our daughter being branded a bully and she is now under disciplinary procedure. She states that she was only teasing and we believe her.

We are only at the beginning of sorting out this major problem, but to all parents; be very careful of the process that your child's school uses and the views of the teachers involved. The tables could turn in an instant, from being the bullied, answering back and becoming the bully. This is especially true where girls are involved and there are no signs of physical violence. Also, be on good terms with the other parents in the class, so that you can get lots of related views on the same incident(s) to present to the school.

Never underestimate the effect of bullying and the passage of time on your children. Even if there is no visible sign, the problem could be only just beneath the surface.