This advice is most appropriate for parents with children in...
Middle School
High School & Beyond

Age of your child at time of loss:
12

What type of loss did your child experience?
Loss of a loved one

Please briefly describe the loss and the emotions your child experienced.
Okay, this is about me. When I was 12, my grandmother died, after having gone through kidney disease, then bone cancer. My mother was out taking care of her off and on for over 2 years, and I was alone often. I always felt that I had to be strong for her, and for everybody else, and I guess they knew it, because they all talked about how well I handled things and would tell me of their grief. I was always patting people on the arm, and saying warm deep-sounding things.

How did you help your child deal with his or her emotions? How did you help your child regain a sense of normalcy?
I started writing bad poetry at this point, because there was no one with whom I though I could share my own pain. I couldn't speak it aloud. Later, I showed my writing to my mother, who was beginning to realize I had never shown any outward signs of mourning. Then I was able to cry in front of her, and things felt better. Some kids sense that they are stronger than others, and therefore put on a calm outward face, and if you know your child is like this (one of mine is now) encourage her or him to find a release through writing or another creative endeavor that is personally meaningful.

Please add any additional comments or suggestions:
When my mother died 12 years later, I was numb. Yet again, at age 24, I was consoling the relatives, telling everyone she was in a better place, that I'd be just fine, and on and on. It was only after I began having nightmares about her that I realized I needed to do some releasing again, and again I began writing poetry. That was 12 years ago, and I'm still writing poetry, little essays and memories. It's become my way of shedding heavy emotions that I feel unable, at first, to expose to the world. I show people what I've written sometimes, then am able to talk about it all. And I'm encouraging my more introverted children to do the same.