Description:
A child with several brothers and sisters can learn how to compete without feeling the need to always be on top, and also learn that there is joy in excelling for yourself, not just to win an award or be called "the best." Family members can support each other and recognize that each has different talents.

Appropriate age group(s):
Preschool and Younger
Elementary School
Middle School
High School & Beyond

Other comments or suggestions:
I believe I can best offer my thoughts on this subject by speaking personally. Even as a child I never much cared whether I won or lost a competition, except for spelling, because I truly just enjoyed it when everyone had "a good game." And I was definitely not athletically inclined. But now, as a mother of six children who all definitely prefer winning to just having a good time, I've had to look at how to help them learn the value of competition without being driven by it. Here are two ideas I use that seem to be working.

Every Monday we play games, alternating the type and teams, if teams are required. That way nearly everyone does win, eventually. Games that combine both luck and skill work well, because there is a bit of an even playing field, and no need for condescension. But sometimes we take game time off and paint pictures instead. As a child, I remember being scolded by the Art Teacher because my owl looked turned around and nothing like everyone else's. I felt inadequate for quite a while; it seemed that every Tuesday and Thursday, nothing I made or painted was good enough for her. You see, on top of seeing that I was just a messy kid, she remembered my older brother, who was The Artist of his school class. How could I measure up? But now I paint all the time and want my kids to see how much fun it is to use several senses at once to create their own version of beauty. We use cheap brushes all of the same size and cheap acrylic paint, spreading an old sheet on the floor and taping paper to it. We wear our "painting outfits," of course. Sometimes we each use two colors only (blue and orange, yellow and purple or red and green,) plus black and white, and I tell them to paint whatever they like. Sometimes I give them a theme or other fairly broad instructions. Everyone, even the littlest one, enjoys guessing what the others are painting. The ideas can get really silly. It's great to see how they appreciate each other's perspectives. There's no pressure to be the best, so it's easy for a kid to say that another used great colors or balance or dimension. And they learn a little about visual art while having fun. Then we tape the pictures on our painting wall to look at for a couple of weeks. It feels good to paint a picture, to complete something with color and life to it, and everyone knows they accomplished something.

We watch cycling on T.V. every May through July, when the European Classic races are held. What's great about this is that both individual and team performances are highlighted and both are extremely important. Cycling is good to watch because you see a variety of body types. On the flat surfaces, the bigger riders rule, but when the mountains come up, the littler, faster riders take hold. In a cycling stage event, there are winners each day in a variety of categories, plus a daily winner, in addition to placings based on overall standings throughout the event. During these events, commentators discuss diet and training techniques of the teams, which have vastly improved since the days when cyclists would madly puff on cigarettes before climbing a mountain because they believed this opened their lungs! Anyway, riding a bike is something most people can do no matter how athletic they are, and it's a great way to get both physically and mentally strong and fit without getting stressed out about the win/loss column. Watching the pros makes you feel like you could climb a mountain on a bike if you just work at it. And valuable lessons are always at hand regarding good or poor sportsmanship, as well.