ADHD and Emotional Development

I am at a loss as to what to do with my son. He's seven years old and has ADHD and a seizure disorder. I think the Depakote is causing or exacerbating the ADHD, but it's the only thing that will control his seizures (idiopathic).

Quentin will be repeating the first grade this year because he just didn't do his work. He's not going to be happy about it, but... oh, well. My true concern is his emotional development. My daughter is almost 10 and has always been mature for her age, and I'm told girls mature faster than boys. Quentin still acts very young to me. People say that I baby him, and maybe I do, but if you had any idea what he has been through in school (he has already been suspended), maybe you would agree that he needs a little extra cuddling at home to try to build him back up. It's pretty bad when the teacher says "He has NO social skills." (Of course, she didn't try to help him develop any.)

What should I do? Right now, I'd say he acts about 5 (his birthday was July 5). I know some of it is an act for me, because I've seen him take charge of situations. I feel that my main concern right now should be bolstering his self-esteem and self-confidence. Without that, it really doesn't matter what he knows academically. Any tips?

First of all, ask your son's pediatrician or neurologist to confirm whether the Depakote is affecting his ADHD. If it is, he may need other medications to help with the ADHD (you didn't say if he was being treated for the ADHD, so this may have already been considered). I would also find out if the Depakote has cause any mental sluggishness that may have affected Quentin's energy level or ability to benefit from his instruction in first grade. How was he before he started taking it?

Boys do tend to mature less rapidly than girls, but the important thing here is how your son compares to other kids in his age range. To hear a first-grade teacher say that he has "no social skills" is troubling and the fact that he has been suspended already suggests that his problem may be more serious than you think. I would suggest that you have him evaluated by a psychologist who specializes in work with young children. Make sure that this professional does several observations of Quentin in different environments as a part of the evaluation. You'll want to know how he's doing academically and socially.

You need to take the guesswork out of this situation. Get some data, get some consultation for yourself (since you are wondering about how much TLC he needs) and for the classroom teacher, and get a handle on this in the fall when school starts. Don't wait until he starts having problems again. Quentin may benefit from a social-skills training group. This might be run by the school psychologist, or you may have to find someone in the community who does this privately. Ask your pediatrician for a referral or call the psychological association in your state's capital for a referral.

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