Don't be shy! As in every type of communication, letting your spouse know what your needs are is critical for him or her to be able to provide what you need. The same is true for your sexual relationship. You need to let your spouse know what feels good to you and find out what he or she needs as well.
The Spice Rack
When you plan ahead to be intimate with your spouse you have the added benefit of anticipation!
We plan many other fun activities, such as going to a baseball game, seeing a movie, or traveling. Why not plan on having sex? Many people feel that sex needs to be spontaneous and carefree to be satisfying. We are often disappointed in our sex lives with our spouse because it doesn't seem to be fun and spontaneous anymore. Look at your answers to the earlier questions. Are you exhausted or stressed out? Do you have less of a sex drive than 10 years ago? Do you have kids? You can't expect a sex life to emerge spontaneously in the middle of all that chaos. It doesn't mean you can't have great sex. And it doesn't mean that you don't love your spouse. It simply means that you are more tired and overcommitted.
As mundane and “unsexy” as it may seem, many married couples would do well to plan their sex life ahead of time. The same principles on dating apply here. You are busy and involved in many other things; time slips by without even realizing it. You need to set aside time for intimacy with your spouse. If you rely exclusively on spontaneity, you might find that you are forever getting and giving mixed messages about when each of you wants to have sex.Here are three things to remember in order to have great sex with your spouse:
Make sure you set aside time for a sexual relationship together.
Don't bring your day-to-day worries into the bedroom.
Communicate your sexual desires and do your best to accommodate each other.