Teen son is adamant about trying to cover his lies even when we know for a fact that he is lying
07/10/2010 at 05:53 AM

Our 15 yr old son has a bad habit of lying. Even with the littlest issues. The problem here is, he is very adamant that he's not lying and gets SO angry (almost to the point of being violent) when he is caught. Even when we have proof,he refuses to admit that he lied, and even tries to redirect the blame/problem..either by blaming us for how we are accusing him,or doing all he can to re-word his original lie to make it seem more truthful. He often has outbirsts of anger,laughs in my face and usually ends up stomping out the door screaming and slamming things around. He is doing this in front of my three other children too and I'm concerned that his behavior,not the lies,are influencing them.
He has also been known to lie to people from our church about his "poor me" and aparently tried to make us look bad.
He is adopted and we really dont have much information about his past.
I have read most of the posts here about lying children/teens and I have learned a few things that I can do to help myself remain sain, but I dont know what to do with this boy. How should I punish him and keep him from having a bad influence on the rest of the kids?

When you think about your daughter, what is the first adjective that comes to your mind?

Be honest.

I am in your same shoes, except my daughter does exercise and eats well. and when I say in your shoes--she's 21, about 5"3, over 200 lbs, and her character and personality are each everything I could wish for.

But the first adjective that comes to my mind is 'fat'.

There's an old joke that says girls would rather be pretty than smart because most men can see better than they can think. I can see better than I can think, better than I can appreciate her humor, her tact and honesty, her curiosity, her patience with me.

When we speak, I don't bring up her weight, her diet, or her activity level. I do sometimes ask her about her health; she has some skin problems and she had one little cold last year.

She's not stupid. She knows she's fat, she knows that her appearance does affect how people respond to her. She knows about nutrition and exercise. What she needs to hear from me is that I love her. She needs to hear from me that I am proud of the schoolwork she is doing. I am proud she is able to keep a job and manage her finances. I am proud that she is a good friend and I am so happy that she has good friends. I am glad that faith is important to her. So. I'm going to find my phone and call her and tell her those things. I suggest you do the same.

cid
23040

Thank you for your comments. Actually I never discuss her weight, and I do tell her that she is a wonderful daughter, that I love her, that she is beautiful & sexy, and very talented all the time. We have a great relationship. My problem is that my father is a doctor, and he is constantly worried about her health and always asking me about what I'm doing about it. He took her blood pressure recently and it was very high, so now he is after me again.

Like your daughter, mine is not stupid. She also knows she is fat, and knows the risks. She knows about nutrition and exercise. She also knows she is well loved by all her family, even the ones that DO ask her about her weight.

Still, I do worried that she might develop diabetes and heart problems, and I do not know what to do about it.

cid
23050

PS. Also, When I think about my daughter the first thing that comes to mind is not that she is fat, but that she is very funny and an original, and I'm really being honest! She always, always manages to make me laugh with the most crazy comments.

cid
23051

Your dad should encourage her to see a doctor about her blood pressure. It is between the two of them. He can pick up a phone or e-mail her.

cid
23064

Yes, I think that's what he is planning to do. He is also thinking of e-mailing her some information on the subject. Thank you for all your comments.

cid
23078

Has your daughter ever been tested for thyroid problems, or other health issues that could contribute to weight gain? Has she always been overweight or did this start in college?

If it started in college, do you think she is depressed? Over-eating could be a symptom of something else going on.

The bottom line is that her health is at risk. I don't think you should make her feel bad about it, but I hope you have tried to talk about it in a non-judgmental way... I know it is a delicate issue and it is a fine line to walk... but it is important b/c her health is at risk.

cid
23190