Stubborn Step-child
07/26/2010 at 09:41 AM

My step child has a big problem communicating with others, either me (step-mom) his dad, his grand-ma, and he is always angry. His mother died when he was only 2 and his grand-ma has been really nice to take care of him untill me and his dad got together. We don't know how to make him open up to talk through issues. He closes up and we don't go nowhere. He is missing up on family/friends events, because he gets punished...He is creating a big problem in the family. The only thing we want is for him to let it out and deal with life. To me it's very important to talk, and even scream to let it all out...then we walk away, we chill, but never go to bed angry with my natural kids, I can't have that with him...some advices please?
Thank you

Children should sleep in their own bed in their room. It is very fair for you to expect this and you were right to say no to them sleeping with you and your partner. This should be a deal breaker for you and if your partner will not respect your wishes, you need to move on.

cid
23932

This man already has 2 families. If he were truly a wonderful father, he would be providing an intact home.

To any men who may be reading this: If you are managing to keep your marriage together so that you can be involved in the lives of your children, my hat is off to you. I really mean it. I would rise in your presence to give you honor, like a standing ovation. It is hard to stay married sometimes.

cid
23977

He is providing an intact home. Are you stating that all parents who are unable to remain in a relationship, whether happy or not, are somehow unable to be wonderful parents?

cid
23996

He is not providing an intact home.

He is providing a home that is fragmented into three distinct pieces.

some divorced parents are wonderful parents. My best friend is one. Her ex-husband is not. She doesn't date. He's on wife #3. Her oldest son dropped out of high school. Her second daughter has been a cutter.

This man's kids are 8, 7, 5, (with ex-wife) and 4 (with girlfriend). Now he's got a sweet young thang living with him. There are several vulgar expressions that come to mind to describe this man, but 'wonderful father' is not one that occurs to me.

Would you consider bringing a sweet young thang into your home? How about fathering a child with a girl-friend when you were raising a toddler with your wife? Surprise me! But be honest.

cid
24015

In his mind he is creating a home for his kids. The fragmentation you speak of exists only in your mind.
Are you saying that because your friends ex is on wife number 3, this has somehow caused one kid to drop out, and turned the other in to a cutter? When does mom step in and take some of the responsibility? Sure it’s much easier to push the blame off on dad for the problems that the kids have, no way could mom have caused any of this. I’m sure if they were honor roll students and had offers from Yale that would be due to mom’s influence.
Yes he has three kids from his previous marriage, and he got a girlfriend pregnant. He has not shirked his responsibilities; he is involved in his kid’s lives. Would you rather that a child be aborted instead of being born out of wedlock? Let’s remember that marriage is not the ultimate goal for every living being. Funny how even out of wedlock, the human body can still procreate. Marriage is an invention of humans, not necessary to create a family. Since more than half of all marriages end in divorce
The sweet young thang you speak of is his fiancé. I think your tone and your word choice are offensive and disrespectful towards her. How is any of this her fault? How is any of this the kids fault? Shouldn’t dad try and create an intact home for his children? Your whole rant is about having an intact home, but you criticize him for having his fiancé there with him.
Would I consider bringing a SYT in to my home? Why yes I would, and in fact I did. She’s a hard worker, wonderful with the kids, and 11 years younger than me.

cid
24016

"He has not shirked his responsibilities; he is involved in his kid’s lives."

I didn't say he had shirked his responsibilities. But fathering a child with a girlfriend when you have a toddler with your wife is not what I would call being q wonderful father.

cid
24019

i feel it is not your place to lay down any rules..as the children could become resentful of you in the long run. if their father feels that ten years old, is old enough to be sleeping with daddy, then it is himself that needs to explain to the kids what he expects, and then to wean and positively reinforce what he wants to achieve.. I believe you should focus on creating a positive relationship with these kids and not a parental one as they are older children and will probably respond to being respected and treated as equals by yourself

cid
24855