Teens accusations tear a family apart - FamilyEducation
Teens accusations tear a family apart
04/15/2011 at 10:56 AM

My family has been going through pain and turmoil over the past few years and it has recently escalated. I'll begin with as quick of a summary as I can.

I have had custody of my two oldest daughters since they were 1 and 2 years old. My current wife came into our lives when my daughters were 2 and 3. We’ll have been married for 13 years this year and have 3 children of our own.

For the longest time, things were going great, but the real struggle began when my oldest daughter was 14. Her attitude and behavior abruptly changed and we began taking her to counseling. She was quickly diagnosed with bi-polar disease and put on medication. She was always fine if she regularly took her meds, but refused to take them after a short period of time.

There have been times of lashing out like the time she attempted to push her younger sister in front of a moving vehicle while standing at the bus stop, but it has primarily been screaming, cursing and arguing.

She is now a few months shy of her 18th birthday and has visited 4 therapists in all over the past few years. Each has diagnosed her with bi-polar disease and recommended medications (which she refused to take). As time went on, it was apparent that she had a real problem with her step-mom and continuously picked fights and got in arguments with her on a daily basis. My wife has a great relationship with my other daughter and it would be hard to tell that this is not her real, biological daughter. My two daughters are like day and night.

Over the past year, my daughter has made it well known that when she turns 18 she is moving out and living with her biological mother (another story in itself). The arguments between my wife and daughter continued more and more each day, always ending with the same outcome, my daughter screaming that “she hates it here and wants to leave.”

A few months ago, on my way home from work, I received a phone call from my wife that went to my voice mail. After listening to the voice mail I could hear my daughter in a fit of rage, screaming and cursing. When I got home, my daughter remained in her room all evening, never coming out. My wife and I discussed our options and were going to look into granting my daughter her wish, allow her to leave the house.

The very next day, things took a huge turn for the worse. I received a phone call at work from the local child youth services stating that my oldest daughter has claimed my father-in-law inappropriately touched her between the ages of 10 and 14. Not to mention, she stated that my wife knew about this and did nothing. My daughter immediately went to stay at my mom and step-father’s house. After a month long investigation by both the police and youth services, it was determined that my daughter was lying and was using this as a way to get out of the house and get revenge with her step-mom. The police attempted to bring charges against my daughter, but the local district attorney would not entertain this for reasons not explained to us.

Since these findings, many rumors and accusations have spread in our small town. The main problems I have with this issue is that my mom and step-father have not explained exactly what the investigation concluded and my daughter is continuing to tell people that she was molested. It has become impossible to talk to my mom because she has her mind made up and continuously defends my daughter and buys her anything and everything she wants. My daughter has been heard saying that she is now the “only child that she always should have been.” I have ceased talking to my mom and had a restraining order issued against my step-father for threatening (over the phone) to confront me with a shotgun.

During the last phone call I had with my mom, she thought she hung up the phone, but must have hit the wrong button and I could hear the conversation that ensued between her and my step-father. My step-father went as far as to instruct my mom that she should “fake a heart attack and they could say, look at what her son did to her, he caused his mom to have a heart attack.”

I just don’t know what to do anymore, I can’t talk to them after hearing their conversation, and they deny and spin everything. I’m tired of getting phone calls saying they said this and they said that. Other family members are hearing rumors and confronting my mom, step-father and daughter only to have them lie and spin things to their favor. I just don’t know what to do anymore. Anybody have some advice or insight?

My ex-stepdaughter, who is also bipolar, did the same thing, accusing my son of touching her inapppropriately. Luckily the entire family did not live close by, this stepdaughter immediately went to live with her mother as she wanted to do, she recanted her accusations once she got her way. Unfortunately this situation led to the end of my marriage because I could not take the chance of any other accusations occuring. My ex-stepdaughter was later diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, the next year she also made similar accusations against her cousin, all for the attention and chaos she created by doing so. My advise is to cut her and your mother out of your life and do not look back. So very sorry you are having to deal with this painful situation.

http://soaw.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=644#3 I came across this--I've got family drama going on. I just thought this paradigm would be useful for others. The part that I'm using in my own situation is the section entitled Nonviolent Response to Personal Violence. Here's another thing:

Shakespeare wrote this. Iago: Good name in man and woman, dear my lord, Is the immediate jewel of their souls. Who steals my purse steals trash; 'tis something, nothing; 'Twas mine, 'tis his, and has been slave to thousands; But he that filches from me my good name Robs me of that which not enriches him, And makes me poor indeed. Reputation is indeed precious to us. But here's a subtle point. Who is it that speaks this line? Iago. He's not the hero. He's the villain. You think that was an accident? Sloppy writing? I don't.

Double posted. sorry. Worth reading twice, though.

Thank you all so much for the responses, they really helped. This is very difficult and I hope I can get through this. I think about it constantly and pray that it all works out. THANKS AGAIN!!