STEPMOM ADVICE NEEDED! My husband refuses to parent! - FamilyEducation
STEPMOM ADVICE NEEDED! My husband refuses to parent!
05/09/2012 at 04:02 AM

HELP! I am so tired of my husband REFUSING to be a father to his children! My 14 yo stepdaughter has destroyed her room with make up and food! Empty fruit cups and 9 drink boxes all over the floor! Sharpening her eyeliner over the carpet and grinding it in while walking on it! Leaving makeup filled finger smudges all over her sheets (purposely wiping her fingers on her bed!) There were apple cores on her floor, nail polish on my grandmothers blanket, a bowl of cereal milk left up there and so on and so on... Far too much to type! He has "talked" to her a few times before but there are NEVER any consequences to her actions! I feel she is allowed to behave this way because he doesn't teach her otherwise! Obviously his way doesn't work... As she continues to behave this way! When I privately talk to him about how would handle this ... Expecting a give and take discussion... I am quite literally met with silence. He "talked" to her again... And she cleaned a few spots out if the carpet but nothing else! He said he "can't always chech up on them to make sure they follow through"... Huh??.. Isnt that part of parenting... Teaching kids to be accountable for their actions! If I were to discipline, he doesn't back me at all and allows his ex to get involved in it after the kids run to her about me! Seriously, why shouldn't I be able to tell her to clean it up or work off the $300 damage and have my husband support me?!?! I am at my breaking point with him and his total lack of parenting!

Hi there, I am writing to tell you that I am in exactly the same situation!! I could have written what you wrote myself! I hope someone out there can post some advice for us. I have cleaned her room so many times but she still lets it get in a mess again and rarely does anything to clean. Wet towels, make up, cereal bowls, you name it! And, she sometimes pulls all her clothes out of the wardrobe to look for something, leaves them there all unfolded/off the hangers, where they get mixed up with the dirty clothes........and there are alot of clothes.. Like your husband, my partner talks to her but doesn't really 'do' anything about it, so she doesn't listen! She is also 14- I guess the messiness is down to the age(?) but the disipline is the problem here. I don't feel I can say anything because whenever I've got angry with her she starts crying and complains about me. No idea what to do , but want you to know you're not the only one!

Being a busybody, I'm wondering if your husband is acting this way with all issues and with his other children as well. Or, is this the main issue that he is lax about?

You married the guy. Did you not have any idea of his parenting skills prior to getting married? This is one thing that should have been discussed. If not, you get what you get. You married him as is. You cannot marry someone and then expect to change them drastically. If he hasn't had an interest in being a good parent for 14 years...what makes you think he is going to change NOW? Good luck!