Stepdaughter jealous of me and her fathers relationship and our new child to be!
05/11/2009 at 10:36 AM

First I would like to say that I love my stepdaughter! My husband and I have been married for 8 1/2 years and we have dreamed of having a child. I thought that I would never have a child of my own so this is why I have tried so hard with my husbands children. When we were married his children were 10 and 12 years old. They lived with their mother and we had visitation every monday and wednesday from 5 to 7:30 pm and every other weekend and 2 2week periods in the summer. The whole time they lived with her they did nothing but beg to live with us. My stepson came to live with us his junior year and we had some rough patches but for the most part he respected me and treated me like a mother figure and has told me that I helped make him the man he is today. This makes me so proud. My stepdaughter came the next year at the beginning of her sophmore year to live with us. Before she lived with us she and I were like so close like we were best friends and when she was here on visits she would go and do everything with me. But then as soon as she moved here she hated me and let me know it everyday. She seemed very jealous of any and all attention that her dad gave me. It felt like a switch was flipped and I was the enemy. Now my stepson is now almost 21 and is expecting his first child and he treats me as one of his parents. My stepdaughter is now 19 and she moved out back in December because her and her father kinda had it out and of course it had nothing to do with me I stayed out of it but some how she has made it all my fault. We found out in March that I'm pregnant, which was a miracle and a big shock to both me and my husband. I never thought it was possible, but now I will be having my own child. Of course it was a shock to both children. At first my stepson was upset because him and his wife are expecting, but now he seems to be really happy for us. My stepdaughter on the other hand has just found another reason to hate me. No matter what I do she will just not except me in her life and she seems to just try to cause trouble between me and my husband. I feel that other than the daughter issue we have an amazing marriage. Now that I'm expecting he really makes over me and it feels good. We live in a very small house and the most logical nursery is my stepdaughters old room. Which has cause even more problems! I want my child to have its own room and not only that I want to make a nursery for our child because this will be our 1 and only child together! Is it wrong to want this? Maybe I'm being selfish in wanting this! What to do I have no idea!
Simply stressed!
Tammy

Oh, step-daughters!!! Just keep being gracious and hope she will come around. If not, it is her loss. Yes, use her "old" room for your new baby. She chose to move on and now you have the right to do so also.

cid
13057

Your step-daughter is 19 years old, she is grown. Most likely, her's are jealousy issues. Use the room for your new child and try to avoid any confrontation with your step-daughter. If she offers drama just refuse to participate. Just let her know you can't focus on her right now. If she comes in peace then interact with her as gently and respectfully as you can.

Focus your energy on the positive and on your new miracle and let your husband deal with his daughter's jealousy issues. This is a time for you to celebrate - Congratulations!

cid
13060

The last thing you need is stress right now w/ a new baby on the way. Take care of yourself. That shld be your top priority. After the baby comes and things settle down a bit, try talking to your step daughter. Try finding out what changed in your relationship, and why she is acting this way. Tell her you love her, and that you will always love her, but that you honestly don't know how to help her if she doesn't open up to you. Maybe it'll help if her dad talks to her as well. It's a shame that you all can't be celebrating together at such a happy time in your lives. Maybe your step daughter just needs some time. Maybe it's jealousy, maybe it's something more. Try to be supportive, and include her in all you do. If she chooses to exclude you from her life, so be it.
As for the baby's nursery, you have every right to use your step daughter's old room. If she has a problem w/ this, too bad. She shld be genuinely happy for you. Hopefully in time, she'll come around. Good luck, and best wishes w/ the new baby!

cid
13110

I understand how you feel but your stepdaughter is a grown woman and it is time for her to make a life of her own . Me and my stepdaughter use to be the same way.You see I am only 6 years older than her . When me and my husband were 1 st married we were like best friends . So over the years things have changed . She has grown hate me . I don't know why ? When she found out that I couldn't have children ...she was over joyed with happiness. She did everything in her power to show that she was pleased that children were not in our future . So , the best thing that I can do is distance myself from her and the issue . I do not speak with ....she is my husbands daughter . He deals with her on his own now .When he does speak with her ....I do not ask how she's doing. I find it in my best interest to distance myself from the matter. Let him have his daughter and let my life be stress free !!!

cid
18751

I have a step daughter who is 21. Me and her father have been together for 8 years, and we have always wanted a child of our own. When I got pregnant almost three years ago, my then 18yo step daughter THREW A FIT! Ever since that, the relationship has been strained. She moved out when my son was born and has done n othing but act like a jealous two year old since my son was born. I would expect this out of a younger child, but was very suprised to see an 'adult' acting this way. It has put strain on the whole family. My only advice to you is what others have said too... this is a special time for you and PLEASE don't let this selfish person ruin it. I am sad to admit that the first few months of my son's life werent as enjoyable as they should have been for me because I was caught up in this BS. After that, I refused to let it bother me anymore and here I am two years later and things are better. She's too OLD to be acting like that and she needs to grow up! Good luck to you and make sure you enjoy your new mommy time. Congrats!

cid
18793