Step teen problems
12/20/2010 at 02:27 AM

My husband and I got married a year ago; we have a baby of 7 months and my husband has a teenage son of 15.

My step son is the most behaved son - in front of his dad, behind his back he is arrogant and disrespectful, I treat him like an adult and with respect as this is how he wants to be treated. He refuses to do small chores like taking dirty dishes and glasses to the kitchen and does not clean up behind himself in the bathroom - that is all I expect him to do, he has no other chores.

Yesterday we had guest over, while the father was busy we sat in the living room and the son just threw himself on the couch, not giving much room for anyone else to sit comfortable and having the tv set so loud we could not have a proper conversation.

Whenever I bring up my concerns with my husband he just laughs it off saying that it is teenage behaviour and that I shouldn't worry myself over it.

This is really getting to me, as I am afraid that my baby will grow up seeing this and thinking this is ok behaviour.

I cannot express my feelings or speak to the teenage son myself as my husband and I agreed in the beginning that he will handle difficult issues with his son.

Please help me, I feel lost in my own home.

It is normal even in families where the parents are still married for the children to be uncomfortable about parents' sex. My parents were married until my father died at age 80 and I never wanted to know about their sex life.

I think you should get involved with sports or some other community activity so that you have other things to think about, and so you sleep better.

cid
25745

It used to bother my siblings and me also to hear my parents, whose room was right beside ours when growing up. After my older sister got her nerve up and told my mother what we could hear, they would turn their radio on to cover up the noise, which was marginally better. My siblings and I said we would try our best not to cause our children the same discomfort. Though I did try to be circumspect, my children told me recently they could at times hear the same thing, and said they did not have the nerve to tell me at the time. As a mother, I can tell you that your mother would probably appreciate it if you would just tell her, so she could try to rectify the situation. I really would have preferred my children had done so.

cid
25746

I think that you will be more likely to fall asleep quickly if you increase your activity, through a sport or other activity--drama, music, art classes, . . .. I also think that having relationships and activities that are interesting in your own life will give you other things to think about than what your mother is doing.

I think that if this bothers you at other times during the day than when it is actually happening then you are focusing too much attention on your mother's activities, and don't have enough going on in your own life.

cid
25748

Yes, we did still know, and yes, it did make us feel uncomfortable. It makes me more uncomfortable to know that my children could hear and that they did not tell me so we could curtail our activites. My adult daughter moved in with my husband and me over 2 years ago and we do our utmost to never do anything that could possibly make her feel uncomfortable.

Perhaps you could write your mother a note to let her know your concerns. Do you have a relative, peer or adult friend who could help you compose a note?

cid
25755