step daughters - FamilyEducation
step daughters
10/19/2008 at 10:20 AM

Although I don't live with my boyfriend just yet, but will do hopefully when I have really decided what I really want to do.  I see him on a weekend basis.  We sometimes see his daughers, they don't live with him.  One has a daugher and lives with her boyf.  The other lives with her mother.  I am concerned with them, the daughters are very overweight and don't do anything about it.  They never do any actitivties and are very lazy.  They do crisis my son as my son does alot of sports and I feed him good food.  The daughters eat rubbish sometimes.  My bf said that he has no control over this as they don't live with him anymore but even when they did, he couldn't have any control over them being overweight. I want to help them but they are too lazy to help themselves.  Is there anything I can do to help them lose weight, I don't want to upset them.  My bf has said that the older daughter is trying to lose weight by eating healthier food.  But I have noticed when we went over to visit them, there were boxes of leftovers pizzas. I mentioned it to my bf, he said that it's nothing to do with us.  But he's not helping the situtation as they will end up killing themselves.  They both have lovely faces but they are spoiling thier looks by not looking after themselves.  I wonder if it's to do with them upbringing that has made them like it.  My bf told me when they were small, they were never interesting in any actititves.  As my son does alot of sports, and cubs.  My bf thinks that I am doing too much for my son with all the actitives that he does weekly.  I don't see any problem with that as my son enjoys them.  I am trying to support my bf but he won't have any of it and said that it's nothing we can do about it as they are both now 19 and 20 and have thier own lives. 

Once a child reaches the age of 18, they think parents know squat. About the only thing you can do is when they come to your house to eat or your b/f's, cook healthy. Hide the sweets. Hounding your b/f about his grown daughters will get you nowhere. I wish I could have been helpful to you, but I am afraid you are fighting a losing battle.

Linda, why don't you concentrate on being there for your son at the moment. You still have to make the decision about whether to move in or not with your selfish boyfriend.

Your boyfriend is right. Continue doing the right things for your son. It is difficult but you can't help his daughters unless they want help. The best you can do is be a good example. My 2 stepsons are also overweight but are now eating somewhat better after enjoying the healthy food prepared by us when the see us. It may just take time.

My bf and I have had discussion regarding the moving etc. He is willing to compromise by moving half way between. He is going to discuss this matter to his daughters and hopefully they accept the idea. So I don't have to give up everything altogether. My bf is blaming the overweight problems on the divorces he had with his ex wife 7 years ago, which he thinks has affected them badly. I understand it has caused distress on them. But that was along time ago. So they should have done something about it then. My bf is concerned but won't do anything about it unless he does it when I am not around them. I don't want to upset them but I want to be involved but my bf doesn't like me to discuss things. It's okay for him to say things about my son what he does wrong etc. Why can't I say anything about his daughters as he doesn't like it when I do.

I've had an online relationship with you for, what, a few weeks.
I noticed that you are a really lousy mom.
I think you need to take some parenting classes so that you can learn to put your boyfriend's concerns into perspective, and take care of your own son instead of worrying about your boyfriend and his family.
There. How you feel right now is how those young women will feel about you taking on their weight problems. Not very useful, is it?

It is not your business to influence two grown women on their weight problem. You have bigger issues that are actually your business. Prepare healthy food in your home for you and your son. If the girls come to visit prepare a healthy dinner for them too.

I don't think how I am a lousy mum as I work part time and supply things that my son needs, and take him places, feed him, he's never without any clothes, help him with homework, take him football, cubs etc. So how can you call me a lousy mum. I think i consider myself a good mum especially being single but I love it and I love my son very much and he is everything to me. I don't understand how this advice I am getting is abit harsh. It's not what I am looking for. Maybe I am abit hard on the daughter's overweight and I will keep out of it from now on. I will not get involved. I realised that it isn't really anything to do with me. It's not fair on them. There is nothing wrong with having a relationship as well as having a child. I am trying my best to juggle everything between them both. My son comes first so my bf understands. Why are you saying that I should not have him involved.

I think you missed the point the other poster was making. You are not a bad mother, the poster was making the point that coming down on someone unfairly is not useful. It sounds like you now have a good perspective on the situation. Keep up the good work with your son!!!!

I am fed up with my bf's daughter the way she treats us. She controls my bf all the time telling him what to do etc. She lives with her boyfriend and daughter. My bf came to stay with me and my son for 2 nights on over Xmas, Boxing Day he went home as already planned as he had work the next day. We went back with him. But his daughter kept texting him all the time on Boxing day asking him what time will he be home etc. We had arguement about this. He can't seem to see anything wrong in it. We planned to have her daughter for the afternoon on the next day after he finished work. But he had to rush home on Boxing day to see them for an hour. He couldn't wait. I understand that he wanted to see his grandaughter but he sees her alot in the week he saw her before he left to my on Xmas eve. I was fuming with his daughter as he rushed home to see them but her daughter fell asleep when he got there. He was mad at his daughter for not letting him know as she didn't tell him. Is she trying to cause us grief? I stayed at his home while he visisted them. On the next day his daughter brought her daughter over for us to take her out for the afternoon but she kept hurrying us all up to go. I said to my bf we go when we ready not when she wants us to go. She wanted to strap her daughter in his car on the baby car seat. She even asked his mother to come along with us. I text his daughter on Xmas Day to wish the family happy xmas and thanking her for our presents. She didn't reply but kept texting her day all over xmas. I said to him can you ask her why she not text she said that she didn't get my message. I asked her when I saw her, she said ermmmm....I don't remember if I did or not. Why has she got issues with me. She's so controlling with her dad and her boyfriend. I just keep quite about it all to keep the peace. But I do feel like saying something about it.