Step daughter - FamilyEducation
Step daughter
01/20/2011 at 19:16 PM

My step daughter is 14 and my husband and I have had 70%+ custody of her since she was 3> SHe chose to call me mom on her own when I was always there and her bio mom was never there. Over the past year her mom has been at her ball games and had her regularly. She struggles in school and we hold her accoutable. The bio mother does not and gives her what ever she wants. Now 8 years later her mom wants to be a mom and our daughter has "runaway" to live with her. SHe says she wants nothing to with anymore. This is the third time she has done this and this ( in the past we have forced her to come home) now she is older and this time it is affecting the 3 other kids we have. SHe says horrible things and tells us to leave her alone she is tired of us making her feel guilty for leaving. Sometimes I want to call her and explain to her that you don' hurt others to get what you want. and other days I want to just let go. But as a mom I can't. Her mom thinks it is fine because we have had her her whole life. ( yea because you didn't want her) We live in the same town.

You are not her mother, just let it go. If your stepdaughter has chosen to go live with her mother, let her go. She may choose to come back, if she does ground rules and boundaries must be set. Otherwise, enjoy visitation, and the calm in your home without the stress caused by her.

I don't think u understand she is mine. I have raised her from when she was three and love her and treat her as mine. And she does not want to visit. She gone extreme.----then calls and says can u make me a dr apt? My mom does not know how??? Really??? Come on.

This child has a biological mother with whom she is choosing to live. It is nice that you consider her to be your child, but the fact is, she is not. I am giving you advice from my experience with my former stepdaughters. Be gracious. If she calls needing you to make her a doctor appointment, do so. Be there for her when she needs you. She will remember what you have done for her and you will have the opportunity to have her in your life in a positive manner.