Son and x's boyfriend
03/23/2011 at 09:30 AM

My ex's new boyfriend gave my 15 year old son the april issue of a xxx porn mag called 18eighteen. My son said that his mom laughed it off.I confronted my ex about this but she shrugged it off then finally admitted that it was just a "silly mistake". The images and language in the mag are VERY crud and this was the 2nd encounter my sons had with this man.I feel strongly that this was totally inappropriate for her boyfriend to do and that my ex was not doing her job as a mon. I'm not sure if she even examined the mag to see it's contents. I feel this was sending a very sick message about the kind of guys my ex is dating to my son. Someone please tell me, am I over reacting or should I tell my ex I am thinking about gaining full custody of our boys.

Help! confused single dad.

I'm going to start with your last point first. Having children with him at this time--he's right about that. If he can't start loving the child you already have, then either he will love additional children more, or he will also hate additional children. Neither one sounds like a good situation.

Next point--you don't want to go back after you have followed him for his work, Why? Is it because you don't have support in your old town? Is it because you think people will think less of you if you admit it didn't work out? Will someone say, "I told you so?"
I think it takes a great deal of courage to try something, like you did in moving with him. It takes even more courage to admit that something you tried didn't work out.

cid
26597

You've already spoken to him about how his words are a problem for you, and it doesn't sound as if he's made an effort to change. If that is so, I think it is time to leave. He isn't happy, you aren't happy, and your little boy is being set up to fail horribly. Read the message boards in the step-family section on this site.

If you divorce, your son will see that he is very important to you. That's a good thing. Also, your ex-husband will have the opportunity to build a family he can be a good dad in. It's possible. And you will have a difficult time, because you will be divorced, a single mom, carrying the whole load yourself. It will be hard for you. It will be better if you have some sort of support network (siblings, other family, friends, community resources). It will take a great deal of courage. If you are a praying person, it would be good to pray. I am a praying person. I'll pray for you today.

cid
26598

You cannot GET your husband to see your son differently. Your son is definitely ALREADY picking up on the negative feelings toward him.

You ask for suggestions. My suggestion is: leave NOW! Take you son and provide him with a life where he will be loved and cherished, not "hated". You can and must do this for the mental health, self esteem and safety of your child. This is not about you or your feelings, please, do the right thing today for your child.

cid
26599

Agree with the advice given. This environment will only serve to harm this child. As parents, we place our own wants and needs far behind those of our children.

cid
26600

Also, get your son evaluated for ADHD. If he does have the disorder, early treatment can help him so he doesn't ever pick up the "I'm so stupid" attitude that really handicaps people with this disorder.

cid
26601