Not sure if it is time to move on - FamilyEducation
Not sure if it is time to move on
06/24/2013 at 04:22 AM

I am not sure if it is time to move on, my head tells me yes, but it just seems more complicated. I have been in a relationship for the past 4 years. When I first met my boyfriend, he already had a son from a previous relationship. At first things started off great but things started to change soon after. I quickly began to notice that his son was very demanding and had a very short temper. His son was 2 when we began dating, and I quickly noticed behaviors a 2 year old shouldn't be exhibiting. What made things worse, there were no consequences or even an attempt to address the situation. He would become very angry if he didn't get a toy if we went to a store. He often would talk back, no sense of manners, no sense of bed time. Whatever he wanted to do he did because my bf didn't know how to address it or even correct it. After speaking with my bf, we agreed that I would be able to address his son, but it always seemed as though I was being too hard on him. Well with that being said it often led to many arguments and breakups in our relationship.
Flash forward 2 years later, I became pregnant and thought things would change. I now feel as though I am a single mother half the time. I feel as though I am responsible for everything to do with our son, such as making meals, playing with him and tending to all his needs, while dad plays video games or watches TV. What annoys me more is that when his son comes over to visit, he is up when he gets up, prepares meals for him. Yet doesn't take the initiative to do it for our son. I have brought this up, and his response is that if I ask him to do it he would but I don't ask so he doesn't bother. And when I ask, why he does it for his other son without being asked, his response is that he is his only parent within our home, so he has no choice but do it because no one else will. I believe this is unbelievable.
What makes me more upset about his son, who is now 6 always gives his opinion, when no one is even talking to him. He makes himself part of our adult conversations, and when I say something, it is me picking on him. For example, today after a full morning of cleaning, I asked my bf if he wanted to feed our 18 month old son lunch or clean the restroom. His response, I will clean the restroom. Before I can say anything, his son jumps into the conversation and says to me, I want you to clean the restroom. I looked at my bf expecting him to say something to him, but nothing. I say please address that, I am not talking to him, and he says who cares, in front of him. I feel like that is why his son disrespects me, because his father doesn't back me up. I became upset, and my bf's response is that I don't care about his son and I am always picking on him. Am I over reacting? I feel like my bf does disrespect me. After sometime of letting us cool off from our argument I attempted to speak with my bf about what happened, and he still didn't want to hear how is son was wrong. I feel like he makes his son the victim, and blames everyone else. I truly want to make things work for my son, but I really feel as though the disrespect from his son is attributed to the disrespect my bf has for me. Any words of advice would be greatly appreciated!

The boy acts like that because your bf is a self-absorbed slacker, and unless he finds God and/or willingly goes to parenting classes/couples therapy you should listen to your head... I sound harsh, but I waited until my child was 3 before leaving and I regret it. You have different fundamental core values when it comes to parenting (I'm sure he is that way because of one or both of his parents), but whatever, it doesn't matter now. You have a son that would be much better off with two parents that are separate and can somewhat get along for his sake vs. the resentment you will build when his lack off parenting skills begin to show through your own son (and then you leave him). I know it's hard, but the guilt trips, video games, having to specifically ask to get him to do anything, the unwillingness to do the hard thing to teach the child, etc... It's no way to live, and your child will be the same way. Your bf (why aren't you married?) needs to shape up, or you SHIP OUT.

I totally agree with your comment. I believe a lot stems from his childhood and his father. His mom and sisters are wonderful, but they have no relationship with my bfs dad. It took his mom quite a few years to finally decide she longer wanted anything with him and his sisters felt the same way. My bf was young at the time, and saw a lot of what happened but truly supported both parents equally. I have noticed that his mentality is very similiar to his father. As for not being married, I just don't think we are there yet. I'm not in denial about the problems in our relationship, and why get married and make things more difficult if we may not be together down the road. I truly feel that parenting classes would truly benefit him. Till today he states that he will correct his son moving forward not sure how much change will occur if he doesn't have the knowledge to properly correct the situation.