my wife and son - FamilyEducation
my wife and son
03/19/2008 at 13:18 PM

My 13 year old son from a previous marrage has resently come to live with me and my 2nd wife of ten years. I am very happy that he is here. My wife however is not. she says very crittical things to him constantly. she never has any good comments to him or about him and most of the time is downright mean. I stand up for him which of course turnes into a huge fight which bothers him I think more than her critisism. I cannot let her run him down. His mother did and I am trying to give him a more controlled enviroment. Im almost out of rope.If anyone has hade anything like this or any ideas I would be most gratefull thanks

I can understand your feelings because my husband (has custody of his 4 kids, his ex is an alcoholic and not around) is in the same situation.  My step-son (age 12) and I do not get along very well.  As much as I try, it doesn't seem to do any good.  He acts out in any way he can, or does nothing to contribute to the family, and blames me for his mother leaving (even though they were divorced before I even met his dad).  In return i feel defensive, hurt and even sometimes jealous.  I feel like an outsider in my heart even though in my head I know I am not.  My step-son also lies a lot (has been caught so I'm not just assuming) and my husband always gives him the benefit of the doubt, which I dont' think he deserves anymore.  There's a lot more too, but I won't bore you with more examples.

We've been trying counseling, maybe that would help you guys.  It has made a dent in the problems, I'm hoping that the situation will improve over time.  In the big picture I remind myself that it took 8 years of a bad home-life to make him feel the way he does, it probably wont' take any less time to reassure him that he is secure with us.


My wife has told me that she feels jealous of him. She also said in her head she knows she shouldnt. She also has a problem that she says he lies to her and she has caught him in the lies where I always seem to give him the benefit of the dought. I just cant seem to bridge the gap between him and her. I try to get us to do things together but that usually ends it turmoil. Ive been looking into getting some counceling but Im not sure what kind of  copperation that I can get from my wife and him. She will go over the top and he will shut down. yikes

I know what you're going through.  I went through something similar.  My ex-husband's son from his previous marriage spread rumours (false rumours) about me and his father would always give him the benefit of the doubt.  So I totally understand where your wife comes from.  At the end of the day, we got divorced, as my ex didn't want to know anything about his children, even if they were lying, stealing, etc.  I felt left-out and only had their best interest at heart.


I hope you sort this out soon.  Please let your wife know that she's a very important person in your life - otherwise you might end up like me ... divorced ...!