My stepkids dont respect me - FamilyEducation
My stepkids dont respect me
06/26/2010 at 13:03 PM

Hi I have been married 5 years to my husband. He has 3 sons over 21 yrs old.

We live away and hardly see his sons, they have lives of their own. we send cards presents for sons and grandkids, but my husband gets nothing back. A lot of lies have been said about my husband by his sons,in the past, not sure if that is jealousy on their part. I have tried to keep out and remain neutral.

Went to a party at one of the sons house last weekend I was not invited as such and all they did to me was to insult me, they called me the "wife" not my name and tried there very best to belittle me.

My husband did not see it happening and I feel angry at him for his. I feel the sons dont respect me, and I did feel upset about it. Now I want nothing more to do with his sons, and I feel I have done nothing wrong, why was I treated that way.

My husband still wants to stay in contact with them and am not stopping him.

Any advice would be gratefully appreciated.

If your husband will not stand up for you you have a couple of choices. One, don't go to parties if you aren't invited. Two, if gifts are not acknowledged, it is appropriate to call and say, "We mailed a gift for little Johnny's birthday. I just wanted to be sure that it arrived OK." Three, if someone gossips about what lies someone told to someone else, you can get the gossip and the alleged liar both involved in the conversation and find out exactly who is lying. I would not depend on the report of someone who is trying to stir up trouble.

Thank you for ur reply. The liars were the sons, but obviously they deny all. As they always have done. I went to the party because my husband wanted me there, I did not realise I was not invited till after the evening progressed Gifts are never acknowledged even when asked.

You can't teach a pig to whistle. You shouldn't try. The sons are adults, and it would not be your place to teach them good manners or behavior anyway. You be gracious. Be wary of whoever is telling you about the boys lying. That person is not a friend. A friend would scotch the lie, not add to the trouble by gossiping. Let your husband stand up for himself. He is not able to stand up for you, so find something else to do when he has family obligations.

Thank you for ur words. I have told my husband I want nothing more to do with his sons. Believe me since marrying into his family, they his sister, brother and sons have all tried to diss me. I ignored them, but am bored now with it, and I have had enough. Being nice doesnt get me anyway. My husband is a good man, but does not want to hurt anyones feelings, especially his sons, but now since telling him he has apologised to me for their behaviour and his own, I'll see where I go from now.