My BF 18 yr old daughter shares "his" space - FamilyEducation
My BF 18 yr old daughter shares "his" space
03/03/2008 at 17:25 PM

I have a dillema and I don't know how to approach it.

I am in a serious relationship with a man who lives about  an hour away from me.  I drive to his home each weekend because it is convenient for both of us. My place is small and we are all more comfortable in his house.  I am quite "picky" when it comes to my bedroom and bathroom facilities.  I think at times it is unreasonable, but I just do not like to share germs and such. 

My boyfriends kids are 18 and 12.  They are AWESOME kids and we get along great.  This is why I do not want to disturb the balance by complain about sharing the bathroom with them.  Ater all, it's not MY home or MY bathroom. However, the kids do have their own bathroom.  I have told him many times that it's uncomfortable for me to share the bathroom.  He listens and acknowledges my feelings, but he still allows the kids to use the shower and such...

This last weekend, his daughter and son used the shower several times while I was there and I am tolerant because it is not my home.  But this time, she also allowed the dog to shower in there.  The bacteria and the smell...

I understand it's not my home, but I also kinda don't want to stay overnight anymore.  I am just plain uncomfortable about the whole thing but I don't want to hurt the kids or him.  What should I do???

It sounds like you have already told your boyfriend how uncomfortable you are. If he must still share his bathroom with the kids and the dog then you have to tolerate it or stop staying overnight.  BUT you should at least tell him why you won't be staying. Maybe he does not know how strongly you feel about it. 


This is their home and you are just a visitor in it, albeit their dad's girlfriend. If you seriously like this man, then back off and don't upset the delicate balance there. If you make him choose between you and them, I'm sure they will be the winners and rightly so. 


junieg - I agree that I am a visitor and I believe that once we are living together I will have the right to restrict the space. I only started to stay over weekends in the last 6 months or so at his request.  We all do enjoy being together it just grosses me out at times when the kids don't have good bathroom etiquette and I certainly don't want to share with the dog. I know you have suggested that I "suck it up" and respect the balance, but I'm miserable. 


Okay I agree, it's not your home tamz - It's not your place to ask them to use "their own" bathroom, but maybe you can discuss keeping things clean so that everyone can feel comfortable. 


You have said you get along well.  Can you just bring the subject up and ask everyone to keep the bathroom clean.  I don't think you can kick the kids out if that is their normal routine (it's not really your place) but certainly kick the dog out... I would not allow my dog to shower in my bathroom.  (of course he weighs 100 pounds)

I agree with you completely! My stepsons are not allowed to use the bathroom my husband and I share. It took my husband a while to understand that I am also "PICKY" and just cannot comfortably share the bathroom with the kids or the dog. LOL If your partner cannot support you at his house, then he will probably not at a home you may eventually share. Stick to your standards!

Hey thnx stepmom! It's been a while since I posted this and I am still sharing the bathroom with the kids and I'm still not comfortable. I have adjusted my visiting so that I don't shower there as much. I did notice this weekend that the tub was loaded with soap scum and the bathroom had a certain wet musty smell. His daughter is 18 and a great person, she does not even know that it bothers me. I figure I will address it when I am living there in 18 months or so. Thank you for being on my side!!!!Just because I am annoyed by a dirty bathroom does not mean I don't adore and respect this wonderful little family.

Three people should change their routine to cater to your desires, and phobias?

No of course not, SnglDad! That's why I changed MY schedule. If I lived there, I certainly WOULD ask them to change their routine to accomodate my comfort. I have not asked them to change their routine because it's not my home. It still bothers me to use a dirty bathroom, call it a phobia if you wish (it's more like a preference) but my discomfort remains and I ignore it. I do not put my comfort first because I respect and love them. It was just nice for singlemom to acknowledge that she too is particular. Sometimes It seems like you think all ppl have selfish intentions in blended families. I love this family, SnglDad and they benefit by hving me in their lives. Their Dad and Mother are in charge, completely. I'm just a person who spends time in THEIR home. It is ok for them to make sacrafices for me on occasion. (AGAIN - I did not ask them to this time). Do you have a gf SnglDad??